Does desire fade in long-term relationships? Not always and not for everyone. Is it possible to maintain passion or return former pleasure?
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Physical attraction in a marriage often decreases over time, but this does not mean that it is impossible to return or maintain it. Journalist Joan McFadden summarized the recommendations of experts on this topic.
Choose the right moment to talk. A couple’s sex life can come to an end for many reasons: stress, illness, anxiety, low libido, menopause, insecurity, and more. And it is easier to hush up this topic than to dare to speak frankly about it. And yet you need to talk, best of all, when you are not tense and nothing will interrupt your conversation. But you need to conduct it not in bed and not when you are persuading your partner to have sex, angry or frustrated.
Know how to listen to your partner. Don’t take everything said personally. Do not think that you are no longer attracted to him, do not attribute your worries to him. Such conversations are always loaded with unnecessary emotions, so try not to give in to them and listen to what your partner has to say and what his feelings are. It’s not that you’re fat or old.
If you yourself do not see anything attractive in yourself, it is unlikely that others will like you.
Be honest with yourself and with your partner.Are you both already making an effort to please each other? Has your relationship become commonplace? It’s not about being like supermodels. But if you do not love yourself and do not see anything attractive in yourself, it is difficult to count on other people to love you. Maybe you are not satisfied that your partner has stopped looking after himself? Tell him about it as tactfully as possible.
Decide if sex is so important for everyone. Are you willing to sacrifice it for the more important parts of the relationship? There are couples who are happy with marriage without sex. But if closeness isn’t enough for you, say so.
Be patient. If the lack of sex has become a stumbling block, then the more passionate of the two needs to be patient in order to figure out the causes of the problem together. You should not offer your partner to go into an open relationship.
Seek help together. Go to a sexologist or family therapist to understand the causes of the problem. It is important that at the same time you understand the situation together with your partner. At the beginning of a relationship, sex seems to be taken for granted, natural, and delightful, but as the years go by, it may take effort. They will pay off handsomely.
Don’t have sex until you feel ready
Mental and physical intimacy go hand in hand. Spend leisure time together, have fun, find time for each other. When we feel that the partner hears and understands us, this strengthens the desire.
Temporary ban on sex. Some sex therapists recommend that couples stop themselves from having sex temporarily. It sounds strange: why forbid to do what you don’t do anyway? The very consciousness that there will be no sex removes the anxiety associated with expectation or obligation. This allows partners to feel more free and relaxed.
Small steps. You can return to it gradually. Start small: hold hands on the street, kiss your partner on the cheek as you leave for work. The next stage is massage, hugs, long kisses, oral sex. But don’t have sex until you feel ready. The idea behind this step-by-step approach is to rediscover each other’s sensuality and allow the desire to grow without any compulsion. Discuss with your partner how you feel, but do not push to go further until he is ready.
Alcohol is no help. However, a pleasant dinner and light conversation over a glass of wine often lead to a continuation in bed.