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“And they lived happily ever after”: the constancy given by this phrase pleases most couples. But at the same time, many complain that desire disappears from relationships. What to do if the fabulous continuation of a life together does not work out in any way?
You may genuinely want to desire your partner, but if all the air is out of the relationship, the flame will inevitably go out, says coach Pamela Madsen (Pamela Madsen)1. One of the best ways to keep the erotic in a relationship is to not be afraid of the rollercoaster of married life, to go into conflicts and seek solutions in negotiations with each other. Sex occurs where there is rapprochement and distance, resistance and relaxation, inhalation and exhalation …
We like stability and constancy, and we strive to create just such an alliance. And then stability begins to burden us, and we are looking for something completely different: freedom. The truth is that within a couple who maintain erotic interest in a long and serious relationship, you can find a place for unlimited freedom. If we love each other, not merging, but not too far away, recognizing all the colors of life, both soft and bright, not afraid of quarrels and reconciliations, then we will have enough strength and energy for a long union. 12 tips for those who want to live happily ever after.
1. Don’t be afraid to fight
Arguments, stormy explanations and squabbles are not the end of the world, this is a normal moment in a couple’s life. Even the most loving spouses fight. In the heat of the moment, we can yell at each other, insult, even complain about him (her) to friends. It is only important to remember that despite all disagreements, the main thing in your relationship is love. Learn to overcome your differences for the sake of joint happiness.
2. Don’t Forget the Little Things
Help her make the bed. Ask him how the day went. Kiss each other, wishing “good night.” These little things are more important than you think. They contain such important words as “I want to help you in everything”, “your life is important to me”, “I am glad that I spent this day next to you”. And it doesn’t matter if it was a good day or a terrible one, these little things will light it up and stay with you forever.
3. Be mindful of trade-offs
The life of a couple consists of concessions and obligations. And if you want your loved one to be happy, you still have to sometimes sacrifice an evening with friends for dinner with her mother, and sometimes you need to postpone an early trip to the country so that he can go to football in peace. You may not like all this, and this is normal, but every time such duties make you angry, just remember for whom you are doing this. And rightly so, the happiness of a loved one is worth a couple of hours.
Read more:
- Tal Ben Shahar “Learning to be happy”
4. Give gifts
Unexpected, funny, frivolous, ridiculous – it doesn’t matter. A tender and passionate text message in the middle of the day, flowers or sweets bought in a store near the house, a new lighter to replace a lost loved one – it’s amazing how such little things keep the flame of passion alive.
5. Repeat “I love you” more often
Nobody ever got tired of hearing that. Do not be afraid to seem cloying, we are ready to eat this sweetness forever. Life is long and hard, and sometimes these three words are enough to stop quarrels and support a loved one.
6. Do not take dirty linen out of the hut
Let quarrels and a working moment in the life of a couple, you should not arrange them in public. Not at dinner with friends, not on vacation at the hotel. Firstly, this is a time of rest, and you should not spoil it with mutual nit-picking. Even if you are very angry, put your anger at home. Secondly, do not spoil the life of strangers – no one likes to watch scenes. The same goes for pranks on your partner: every time you drive around about her dress in front of friends, or tell how funny he snores in his sleep, you take away a small piece of self-esteem from your loved one. The phrase “preying on someone” is not a figure of speech, think about whether two minutes of attention from friends is worth it.
Read more:
- “Do not be afraid!” with Anna Arkatova: Don’t be afraid of conflict
7. Help each other
Be supportive and supportive to each other. Don’t let others talk bad about your partner in front of you. Never betray the trust of your better half. Be there. Try to make life easier for your loved one. And yes, sometimes you have to wash the dishes for her or take out the trash for him.
8. Don’t play dumb
You are at work, you have an important meeting, and at this time she calls you to ask when you will be at home? Do not reject her calls – pick up the phone and answer. If you can’t talk, say so, drop the text message, in the end. It will take you 15 seconds, but no one on the other end of the wire will think that you are neglecting them.
9. Be thankful
Add some feeling to the casual “thank you” that you mumble when he/she makes you a cup of tea. Feel free to give thanks for even the smallest things. Try to express your appreciation in some other way than a simple “thank you” (but if nothing comes to mind, then a sincere “thank you” is already a lot). And yet, do not be afraid to show gratitude and affection in public – everyone is pleased with public signs of sincere benevolence.
A friend from school called you, whom you have not seen for 15 years, and will you go for a drink for a meeting? Call home and tell your wife about it. Have you decided to unwind a little and go shopping? Same thing – let your husband know where you are and what’s wrong with you. This is by no means a restriction or a leash – it’s just a sign of respect for a partner: like you, he needs to plan his life, for which he needs information. Moreover, if you (whether accidentally or deliberately) do not talk about your plans, this quickly develops from a mistake into a feeling that “he (s) is not telling me something,” which is why trust problems will soon begin. But this is so easy to avoid (see paragraph 8).
11. Live here and now
Hold hands while walking. Open the door for her and give her a coat. Take him by the hand. Hug. Have sex. Find time to be alone. And at this moment, do not be distracted by the phone and social networks. Give your partner undivided attention.
12. Love each other
1 Read more at pamelamadsen.org