How to protect yourself from manipulators? This is the book of the French psychologist Isabelle Nazaré-Aga. We asked Denis Dragunsky to read it and share his impressions.
Manipulators appeared relatively recently, about a hundred and fifty years ago. In the old days there were intriguers. They whispered gossip and planted false evidence. Often it was revenge — ensign Iago took revenge on General Othello for not making him a lieutenant. Sometimes the intriguer set himself a constructive goal: to get a position, to attach a relative, to break into the high society. In any case, he actively acted and seriously risked.
The manipulator does not want to make efforts and even more so to take risks. “You must be able to impress, and not at all ask!” — said in Maupassant’s novel «Dear Friend». The handsome Georges Duroy, the hero of this great book, was the first real manipulator. For him, loving women did everything — they edited his articles, supplied him with money and connections, and even pushed him into deputies.
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Isabelle Nazare-Aga writes that there are not so many real manipulators. A person in a lifetime is destined to meet two or three, no more. The probability of colliding with a drunken hooligan on a night street is much greater — however, the manipulator causes stronger fears. This is clear. There is nothing worse than suddenly realizing that you have been exploited using your best feelings — trust, compassion, love or sympathy. Played on your desire for justice, on the pursuit of truth.
The social danger of the manipulator lies in this — after meeting with him, a person begins to doubt eternal values. It begins to seem to the victim of the manipulator that love, compassion, the desire to help are for weaklings, that one must be a cold, prudent egoist. And since it is impossible to become a cold, calculating egoist of your own free will, a person is doomed to new mental suffering.
The subtitle of the book contains the words «psychological protection». True, they belong not to the author, but to the translator (in the original it is simply: “How to defend yourself?”). A significant caveat, nonetheless. The term «psychological protection» means something completely different from what is discussed in the excellent book by Isabelle Nazare-Aga. This is an unconscious mechanism that eliminates painful anxious experiences. The most effective (and catastrophic for the individual) psychological defense is paranoid delusions. «They’re manipulating me!»
It is useful to know who the manipulators are, not to succumb to the charm of exaggerated authorities, not to respond to hints. But it is very harmful to see manipulation in any kind word or sincere complaint. It is better to communicate ingenuously, emotionally and unpredictably, all the while marveling at the stupidity, ingratitude and greed of people — as well as their intelligence, responsiveness and generosity.