“Hello, my beautiful prince!
Why are you as quiet as a rainy day?
Saddened by what? she tells him.
Prince Gvidon answers her:
“Sadness-longing eats me:
People get married; I look
Not married only I go!”
Pushkin. The Tale of Tsar Saltan…
Many of us are looking for our soul mate, our dearest and most beloved person: “Own Man”. (see →) And how suitable is the person who has now interested you? And maybe you really like it too? I will give you a simple hint that is easy to use. Imagine someone you think about often and that you try on as your soul mate, and answer the following questions, scoring from 0 to 5. How much is this person for you: Magnet? Native? How much is he Rovnya for you? Is it true that he is a person you really need? Can we say that this person is a family man?
To make the questions more understandable, I will decipher them.
Magnet — attracting mentally (interesting) or physically (desirable). To him — Thrust, from him (from her) — as if Sparks. The thing is certainly important, but more often than not overestimated, because both her Deliciousness and my Neurosis can stand behind my craving for her.
Magnet is the most typical and most terrible Trap for the Clueless. Naturally, the basis for Roman. And joy for those who really know how to love. See →
Native — living on the same string, harmonious, own. He easily understands me, it is easy to get along with him. And what hurts and hurts from another is good from him.
This is of little need for Roman, but is extremely important for living together and is its basis. See →
Rovnya is a person of my circle and of my personal and social level.
For living together and family, it is desirable just as the ability to communicate in the same language. Otherwise — «my yours do not understand.» See →
The right one is a person who helps you do what is important to you. True, keep in mind that often not the person himself is needed, but simply the opportunity to have a family with him.
Or even simpler: an apartment, a child, money. See →
A family man is one who wants and can make a family. The man has already achieved something in life and is striving for stability, the woman is tuned in to the family economy and children. See →
Now calculate the points as follows: just add up the points for Magnet, Native, Rovnya and Necessary. If the score is between 0 and 8, start looking for someone else. The result is from 9 to 15, go to the fortuneteller and guess on coffee grounds. If you have from 16 to 18 points — the person is more suitable for you, 19 or 20 — he is surprisingly suitable for you.
You are drawn to a person, he is dear, he is your equal, you need him in life, he is family-oriented: we take it!
As for love, then — attention! — falling in love can both help you and hinder you in building future relationships.
And now separately look at the scores for the Family member item: if 3 points or less, then no matter how this person suits you, do not spoil your young life
Are you suitable for this person?
If you take care of yourself, you will look for the person who is right for you. If you care about who you are going to live with, you will think about how much you are like him. And for this — let’s talk about the functions of husband and wife! See →
Postscript years later.
First, these items need to be prioritized. If you want a family, then the first self-evident point — is it a family member or not? If not, we cross it out, no matter how nice it is. The second priority is Rovnya. The third is Native. And already the fourth and fifth points — it doesn’t matter whether it’s Necessary or Magnet.
And I would add one more point: it is Manageability. To what extent can I influence this person so that he remains at least within today’s limits, so that he does not get worse? If you can’t influence a person nearby in any way, like — he’s a man, he’s sick of listening to anyone, or she’s a little offended and “leave me alone,” then it’s too risky to get involved with such a person.
Like this. And in more detail, in any case, look at the Functions of a Husband and Wife — what shines for you?