The plot is familiar to many: your neighbor is crazy. Literally, a mentally ill person. It inspires fear, sometimes delivers real inconvenience. How to be?
Behind my wall, in the next apartment, lives a crazy old woman. It was I who diagnosed her in absentia and completely unprofessionally, because for many years in a row she has been yelling the same thing all day and night long: “Bitches! Bastards! May you all die!” – and sometimes, apparently in support of his thesis, he knocks with a crutch on the walls and batteries. Once, after a categorically sleepless night, I even called the police. Does your grandmother live in a separate apartment? the policeman asked wearily. – Crazy? Actually, nothing can be done. Do you know how many of these we have in the area?”
I know. After all, I (an employee of the children’s district clinic) actually work at the same site. A lot of them. Is there any algorithm that will allow you to be as constructive as possible in interaction with a mentally ill person and yourself in this situation? Absolutely yes.
Contact should be simple: it’s safe here; I will help; everything will be fine.
The first thing we must remember is that in any case, no matter how severe and acute the condition, there remains a piece of the suffering personality, available for contact with the world and painfully desiring it. But it should be a very simple contact – basic positive emotions: it’s safe here, I’ll help you (you), everything will be fine. in affirmative form. There is no point in explanations, the logic in psychiatric patients is almost always broken. Second. Many drugs have already been invented and are available that, when taken regularly, can significantly alleviate the course of almost any mental illness, or even take it under control. Third. When it comes to family members, you are not alone. There are many places where you can be taught and where you can be helped*. There are many people who have faced the same problems and are ready to support you and share their findings (for example, through the Internet and social networks). And the last. If you have been communicating with a mentally ill person for a long time and regularly, then sometimes you need to take a “vacation” for yourself. Just do a few organizational steps (they are always possible) and relax the way you like it. There is nothing immoral in this, you are not “leaving” anyone. It’s just that in order to spend energy, it must be taken from somewhere. Take it and return, and your loved one will be with you, well rested, better and calmer.
What about my old neighbor? One day she fell and couldn’t get up. And – here’s a surprise! – she instantly changed her record and rather politely at first asked me for help through the wall, then dictated her son’s phone number through the door. Not crazy, no, just such a character … I am writing this text, and again she is tearing herself up there. Maybe she’s still sick?
* Center for socio-psychological and information support “Family and Mental Health” (familymh.ru); St. Petersburg Geriatric Medical and Social Center (geriatric-centre.spb.ru); portal for relatives of the mentally ill “New Way” (modo-novum.ru).