If (fortunately) machismo is increasingly rare, some men continue to believe the masculine gender superior to the feminine.

The portrait of a macho man will look a lot like a cliché from another age. Convinced of male superiority, he will have a gendered vision of education, daily tasks or even feelings.

“My previous spouse refused to change a diaper or to pass the broom, testifies Lucie, 32 years old. For him, the education of children and domestic chores were a matter of ‘good women’ ”.

Moreover, it was the differences between her son and her daughter that encouraged Lucie to leave him. “It was out of the question for him that our son does a sport considered to be feminine and the slightest tear was rebuffed by preconceived ideas such as ‘boys don’t cry’”, lists the young woman.

True patriarch, the ex-companion of the thirty-something also wanted to establish financial domination over the young woman. “He strongly encouraged me to decline a promotion so that my salary would stay below his. Equality had no place in our daily life. ”

There are many forms and degrees of male chauvinism. “It took me a long time to realize that he was macho, remembers Carole, 45 years old. Without asking me directly, he let me serve him either because he was tired or because he suggested that it pleased him. I had the click during a meal with friends. I couldn’t sit at the table for more than 5 minutes until one of the guests humorously called him ‘pasha’. ”

More devious, less visible, the machismo of Pauline’s ex-spouse, 37, was more infantilization. “Beyond the fact that I was in charge of the entire household stewardship, he constantly used me during our discussions, in private, and in public. He was unable to let me speak without checking or correcting any of my words. ”

An increased risk of developing a mental disorder?

According to a study conducted by Bloomington University in Indiana and published by the American Psychological Association, being macho is also bad for men’s mental health. In any case, this is what reveals the compilation of 78 studies, followed by 19 men whose desire to conform to the norms of virility – desire to win, desire for sexual promiscuity, domination, risk-taking, emotional control… – was assessed.

According to the results, sexist behaviors such as, the will to assert its power on women or to play the playboys, are more likely to develop a problem of mental health.

Indeed, this category of men will tend to mask their emotions, not to seek psychological support in the face of the first signs of depression as well as to mask the symptoms of a possible illness, the study points out.

The adage “chase away the natural, it comes back at a gallop”, fortunately does not always hold true. Anyone can change, as long as they are aware of their problems and have the desire to evolve.

Open a dialogue with your companion by making it clear to him why you cannot accept such behavior. “Even when he happened to apologize, I realized a few days later that his macho convictions were still very much present”, recalls Clara. Therapeutic support can also be effective. He will be able to help to understand the origin of this macho personality as well as to deconstruct the clichés which inhabit it.

Solène, 29, decided to take the situation with humor. “My partner is far from the tyrannical macho. He takes pleasure in a character that ultimately amuses me. His little sexist remarks almost became a game between us. I live with a macho but I am far from submissive, I do not hesitate to put him in his place when he crosses the line. ”

Is it up to everyone to set their own limits? “I find it hard to imagine that we can flourish living as a couple with a macho person, Clara emphasizes. Personally, by staying with this man, I felt that I was disrespecting myself and women in general. I fell for several months in the syndrome of the nurse, convinced that with my support and my love, it would eventually change. I finally ended this toxic relationship. ”

The rupture can also have the effect of a click. Necessary when the relationship becomes polluting for one of the protagonists, it can also motivate a real change… on condition of accepting to question oneself in front of a woman.