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Why do we want to educate in our children, first of all, the ability to achieve their goals, and such qualities as conscientiousness and responsibility are in our second place? Psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya comments.
Analytical Center Yuri Levada conducted a survey. The Russians were asked what qualities of those that parents would like to instill in children seem to them the most important. Most answered: “The ability to achieve their goals.” The top three also include the ability to communicate with people and good manners. Such qualities as conscientiousness, responsibility, fidelity, independence, were at the very end of the list.
The results of the survey and their dynamics speak more about our perception of the rules of the surrounding reality, and not about the strategy of parents.
“Social elevators bring to the top not the best, but the “successful”
Lyudmila Petranovskaya, psychologist
I don’t think these answers should be taken literally. We do not raise children by first setting ourselves a goal: let me develop conscientiousness in him or bring up the ability to get along with people. When such a question is asked head-on, people actually answer not about what they bring up in their children, but about what qualities children would need to live well and happily in the world that parents see around them. And in this sense, the dynamics are interesting.
Today, the first places in the Forbes list are occupied by “those who were at the right time in the right place”
We see that over the past 15–20 years the value of independence and conscientiousness has fallen, while the ability to achieve one’s goals and the desire for success have risen, which is practically the same, although success implies more assessment from the outside, by society. If we want children to be successful, but do not expect this success to be based on their independence and integrity, then what should it be based on? Simple luck? The ability to become a member of a successful clan, to “ride the wave”? It looks like it, especially considering the high score in the “ability to communicate with people” parameter.
I’m afraid these results suggest that parents today do not believe in social elevators that work to select the best. Rather, a “lucky guy” has a chance, taking with pressure, and not with virtues. Well, looking around, we have to admit that it is so.
Today’s social elevators bring to the top not the best, but “successful”, that is, lucky favorites. Both the first places in the Russian Forbes list and the seats in parliament are occupied by countless trainers, masseurs, dacha neighbors, security guards and others “who happened to be at the right time in the right place.” Find an approach to the right person – and everything will be fine – this is today’s formula for success through the eyes of parents. And honesty and willingness to help people were not named, it seems, by no one, although there was an opportunity to add their own version.
About expert
Lyudmila Petranovskaya – child and family psychologist, psychodramatist, teacher and publicist. Laureate of the Prize of the President of the Russian Federation in the field of education.
Lyudmila Petranovskaya will speak at the PSYCHOLOGIES DAY conference on October 19
The theme of the PSYCHOLOGIES DAY conference at Deworkacy is: “I change the world, the world changes me: how to find yourself in a new reality.” Join now! Tickets and information on . Two formats of participation are available: off- and online. The conference will be supported by the Austrian Tourism Office, ECCO and MyGenetics.