Love yourself in Russian

The phrase “I love and respect myself” sounds somehow not in Russian. And if the youth is still ready to voice it (“Whom else to love?”), then the older generation the concept of “self-love” seems almost indecent. Maybe this is not necessary? We love parents, partner, children, friends – isn’t that enough?

It turns out not. Understanding the philosophical and psychological intricacies of love, defining its types (erotic, platonic, parental, patriotic), it’s hard for us to believe: everything starts with self-love, and only then does this feeling turn to relatives, the opposite sex, child, homeland.

Self-acceptance, self-love is one of the most essential, basic human needs – representatives of various psychological schools and trends agree with this. If it is satisfied, our life is harmonious. If not, problems arise.

as yourself

How do we treat ourselves? This issue is especially acute for Russians (Russians), hundreds of generations of whom were brought up on the ideas of love for anyone, from a child to a king or general secretary, except for himself. What national characteristics have nurtured in us this dislike for ourselves?

The origins lie in the Christian tradition. The Church at all times called for “love your neighbor.” However, the full words of Christ in the Gospel sound like this: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” The idea expressed in this biblical commandment implies that respect for one’s integrity and uniqueness, love for oneself and understanding one’s “I” are inseparable from understanding another person, respect and love for him. But the Orthodox tradition has always emphasized the first part of the gospel quotation.

European pleasures

Europeans mastered the “science” of self-love in a different way. Since ancient times, in Western philosophy, ethics and art, in parallel with the ideas of self-denial and asceticism, hedonistic teachings have developed. The ancient Stoics, who preached the rejection of earthly pleasures in favor of spiritual perfection, were opposed by the Epicureans, who glorified carnal pleasures, and the harsh scholastic philosophers, immersed in thoughts about the divine, were opposed by the Vaganta poets with ideas about the world as a tavern, where everyone can have fun .

And although the sensual, “carnal” line in European culture remained marginal and even somewhat seditious, it was never completely interrupted.

Since the Renaissance in Europe, a true cult of the body begins. The paintings of Rubens and Titian, the pretentiousness of the Baroque style – all this called for seeing the beauty of the sensual world.

Russian art, on the other hand, has been emphatically restrained throughout history. The ideas of sociality, service to higher ideals, focus on the spiritual sphere made up its main content. Even Nikolai Berdyaev noted: Russian artistic culture arose not from a joyful creative excess, but from the torment of the suffering fate of man and people, from the search for universal salvation.

Hedonistic motifs, common in the West, are present in our country only in minor inclusions and were most fully expressed in the Art Nouveau architecture of the early XNUMXth century.

Cult of the neighbor

Russian literary and philosophical traditions have created a cult of love for another, “neighbor”, but not for oneself. The special power of love was proclaimed: it abolished egoism and revived the individual in a new moral quality.

Neither in Russian literature (with the exception of fairy tales), nor in artistic creativity, there are practically no examples of joyful, happy love. At the same time, Russian writers of the XNUMXth century spoke deeply and a lot about the feeling itself.

In the works of Pushkin and Lermontov, Goncharov and Turgenev, Tolstoy and Dostoevsky, Leskov and Kuprin, there are features of Russian love – eternal and sublime. She is most often unrequited, undivided, selfless. This is a victory over the cult of flesh and possession, love is a feat.

Decembrists who went to Siberia for their husbands, longing for the ideal of Dostoevsky’s heroine, whole female images of Tolstoy – they all originate in Pushkin’s Tatyana. After all, she, “Russian in soul”, sacrificed not only a feeling for the one she loved. Ultimately, she sacrificed her love for herself for the happiness of another person, to whom she was “given forever.” An act worthy of a Russian woman …

The XNUMXth century has come: in the West minds were dominated by existentialism, the problems of life and death, love and loneliness, the meaning and meaninglessness of existence, the idea of ​​human self-sufficiency, life “here and now”. And the Soviet totalitarian regime simply did not assume the development of the personal principle, the individuality of a person. Inner liberation was the privilege of the few rather than the practice of the majority.

Unnecessary sacrifices

From someone who does not love himself, you can often hear that he “always lived for others.” More often, women who have dedicated their lives to their husbands, children, and grandchildren say so. This position is especially typical for women in Russia, where the idea of ​​sacrificial love was transmitted both by the Orthodox tradition and literature. In Russia, a person who loves himself was the object of censure and condemnation. And vice versa, the one who devoted his life to another became a role model, a symbol of a correctly lived life.

It is from such a person that we hear endless complaints that he sacrificed happiness for the sake of the happiness of children (friends, relatives), and now he is not appreciated and not loved. But after all, they cannot love, because in response to dislike for oneself, the feeling of love does not arise.

And so it turns out: we live for others (or rather, the lives of others) and at the same time we miss our own life. Isn’t it embarrassing? But each of us has our own destiny, our own life task, for the fulfillment (or non-fulfillment) of which we are responsible. And above all, in front of you.