Love – types, stages, health and body effects

Love is a feeling, a bond, an interpersonal relationship that is difficult to clearly define and explain. Humanists from sociology, philosophy and psychology perceive love differently, and representatives of the natural and exact sciences express completely different views on love. Can love be explained by chemical reactions? What are the types and stages of love known to us? How does love affect our body, health and well-being?

Love – How Can You Define It?

Love does not have a single, clear definition. From the dictionary of the Polish language we can find out that love is a deep feeling to the other person, and this feeling is usually related to desire. In the same dictionary, love is defined as a strong bond that connects people who are close to each other. Love is also defined as a feeling of a strong connection with something that is of great value to a person. Likewise, love is a deep interest in something that gives pleasure. Love is someone’s object of sighs, feelings and desires. Sexual life is also considered love.

Love is not only a feeling, it can also be an attitude or a behavior. This is one of the most important aspects that philosophers, sociologists and religious scholars deal with. For example, in the Christian religion, love is defined as striving for good. In Christianity, love is considered the most important and highest virtue, and at the same time the meaning of human life.

The origin of the word love is also interesting. The word love was used in texts from the XNUMXth and XNUMXth centuries to denote pity and mercy. Love defined grace, grace, or favor that we now know under another meaning. The noun love itself comes from the Proto-Slavic word milostь, which means pity. The old form, on the other hand, comes from the participle “nice” of the verb “to pass by”. Kind also meant someone to be merciful.

The ambiguity of love and the difficulty in defining it is related to the fact that different types and kinds of love are known. In the next paragraph, we will characterize the most frequently described ones.

Is love a basic human need? Read: Maslow’s Pyramid – the hierarchy of human needs

Different kinds of love

There is no one type of love, so the feelings between partners in a relationship may vary. Differences in feelings, in turn, may be caused by different personalities, expectations or needs of both partners. Therefore, it is worth paying attention to different types or types of love.

1. Agape love – understood as a pure, unconditional, creative, even absolute feeling. Agape love is considered to be the highest form of love, most often God’s love for people, or people for God. The word agape comes from Greek and appears for the first time in the Septuagint, the first translation of the Old Testament from Hebrew and Aramaic into Greek. The word agape was also used by Homer – in his works it is translated as respect, kindness or affect. In ancient times, the word agape was used as a symbol of family or spouse love, but also as a feeling for a specific activity. In turn, in the Christian religion, agape is treated as divine love for people. It is also believed that agape love combines all values ​​and creates one universal type of interpersonal relationship.
2. Storge loveor maternal love – also known as parental love, it is a strong emotional bond between mother and child. This kind of love was already described by ancient philosophers, and then this topic was taken up by successive generations of famous thinkers. In parental love, physical or sexual attractiveness does not matter, what is important is bond, kinship and deep knowledge of each other. The mother-child bond is the subject of many studies and analyzes, especially in evolutionary biology. For it is believed that maternal love evolved through the long evolution of mammals. Parental love is important to the survival of society because it ensures the sustainability of families and other social groups. 
3. Love philiaor platonic love – it is a love that is sublime, perfect, not lined with sexual undertones or sensuality. Platonic love is selfless, faithful and loyal. We bestow it on our closest friends. The concept of platonic love is derived from Plato, who argued in his writings that physical attraction was not necessary in the case of love. Love should pursue the idea of ​​beauty and goodness. Currently, however, the concept of platonic love is slightly different from the original. Already during the Renaissance, attempts to reconcile Plato’s investigations with the assumptions of Christianity led to the reinterpretation of this concept. So now, platonic love is purely spiritual love.
4. Eros loveor Erotic / sexual love – it is known from Greek mythology that Eros is the god of love and sexual passion. Therefore, erotic love is a passionate and usually physical form of love. Erotic love is based on lust, desires or sexual passion. Today, erotic love is a type of love that starts out violently and hot, but ends very quickly. It usually accompanies the feeling of falling in love with another person.
5. Romantic love – is a kind of love which describes great and wonderful elations of the heart that distract lovers from reality. Romantic love is a very deep and usually very beautiful feeling, as long as it is reciprocated. Romantic love was the subject of many works from the Romantic era. This type of love was an element that destroyed a man in love as quickly as the wind in his sails. According to romantics, the most important thing is the very experience of romantic love, regardless of whether this love hurts, makes it unhappy or even unpleasant. 
6. Pragma love, that is, lasting love – is a combination of practical and realistic love, in which the relationship is based on common interests and benefits. At the same time, lasting love is the most mature one. 
7. Ludus lovethat is, funny love – a feeling that many people know in the early stages of a relationship. Basically it is the moment of infatuation. In a funny love there are butterflies in the stomach or a faster heartbeat at the sight of a loved one. Scientific research has shown that when infatuated, the human brain acts as if it were under the influence of a dose of cocaine. 
8. Love maniaor obsessive love – is a negative and even pathological type of love that often leads to jealousy, anger and even madness. Obsessive love does not bring joy, but rather has a destructive effect on the loving person and the relationship itself. People who love with obsessive love are usually people with low self-esteem who constantly fear that they will lose that love and their worship object. 

If you want to know more about platonic love, read on: Platonic love

Is self-love selfish?

There is another type of love. Filautia, or self-love, directed at ourselves. Self-love is self-love in which we are guided by the desire for our own happiness. Unfortunately, still self-love, although it is a positive feeling, is mistakenly associated with narcissism, self-love or selfishness.

It turns out, however, that self-love is essential for development, and caring for your own good allows you to achieve success and intended goals in life. Self-love allows us to be happy and at the same time make others happy. Many psychologists argue that in order to truly and honestly love other people, you must first love yourself.

Self-love is also strongly related to self-acceptance and self-esteem. Thanks to self-love, we can accept criticism, understand our strengths and weaknesses, and do not let ourselves be hurt. Contrary to appearances, loving yourself is not an easy matter, so it is worth trying to convince yourself of your advantages, skills and values ​​every day. You should not compare yourself with others or focus on unfounded fears or adversities. Loving yourself is a great effort and requires a lot of discipline and a lot of patience.

Do you know what Peter Pan syndrome is? Check: Peter Pan syndrome – origin, symptoms, relationships

Love and falling in love – how to distinguish them?

It is not uncommon, especially in the early stages of a relationship, that being in love is called love. In short, love is a very strong bond between two people, and falling in love is the initial stage of love.

According to the popular theory of Sternberg, love can be described on the basis of three elements: passion, intimacy and commitment. These three characteristics change over the course of a relationship. When falling in love, it is passion that prevails, often this period can be compared to obsession with the other person.

Falling in love has a lot to do with chemistry and the chemical reactions that take place in our body. People in love often have trouble concentrating because all their thoughts are focused on their loved one. Serotonin is responsible for this “condition”. In addition, when falling in love, the level of phenylethylamine and dopamine increases significantly. Increased hormone levels affect our body, which intensifies our emotions, and on the other hand, causes physiological reactions, such as abdominal cramps, sweating of the hands or increased heart rate.

How can you recognize loneliness in a relationship? Check: Loneliness in a relationship – what it is, why it occurs and how to prevent it

The stages of love

Love theorists distinguish different stages of love. They indicate 3, 4 or more phases in which love evolves. The stages of love can be divided into:

1. the first stage of love, i.e. falling in love – this stage is often also called love at first sight. A meeting, a short conversation, a look is enough to get interested in the other person. In the first stage of love, passion is the dominant feeling between partners. Passion is a combination of very strong, both positive and negative emotions towards the partner, and physical needs are brought to the fore. In the first stage of love, therefore, we are accompanied by emotions such as joy, desire or delight, but also pain, jealousy, anxiety and longing. In the first phase of love, we want to meet the other person as often as possible. And meetings are accompanied by bursts of energy, excitement, increased heart rate, etc. Very often, at the beginning of love, it is very difficult to concentrate on our daily duties, because our thoughts are elsewhere, at the object of our sighs. The state of falling in love is often close to obsession, and although it may sound scary, it is not without reason that the phase of falling in love is compared to the symptoms of a mental illness. Research has shown that passion in relationships that survive the next stages of love burns out after about 4 to 10 years, and some people find it difficult to accept this fact. It turns out, however, that the durability of a relationship depends not on passion, but intimacy, characteristic of the subsequent stages of love;
2. the second stage of love, or intimacy – the falling in love phase is followed by another stage, in which there is a second extremely important component of love, i.e. intimacy. While passion is violent and can fade as quickly as it is ignited, intimacy is a slow fire that will burn for a very long time when handled properly. Intimacy in a relationship is gentle, positive feelings and actions that are a sign of closeness, affection, security, support, trust, and dependency between partners. Building intimacy in a relationship is not easy. It is important to trust your partner and believe that he or she is a predictable, confident, responsible or selfish person. Trust between partners is the basis for developing intimacy in a relationship. Lack of trust in a relationship causes constant uncertainty, which leads to arguments, anger, jealousy, the build-up of negative emotions and, as a consequence, the breakdown of the relationship;
3. the third stage of love, or commitment – the third phase of love is the period in which the last ingredient of love, commitment, develops. Commitment is not as lofty and romantic as passion or intimacy, but it is an important part of love. At this stage of love, the partners make a decision about a lasting relationship, move in together, often get married or plan a family. Commitment is interdependence, both emotional and economic. Commitment is the slowest developing element of love, but on the other hand, it is the most permanent. If the commitment reaches its maximum level, there is a high probability that love will survive the most difficult crises;

The main and most important stages of love have been described above. However, it is worth paying attention to the three subsequent stages of love:

1. the fourth stage of love, or friendship – the fourth stage of love is associated with the disappearance of passion. At this stage, there is intimacy and commitment between the partners. This does not mean that the relationship is unhappy or that we no longer love each other. Simply, after many years spent together, the partners know basically everything about each other, understand each other without words, read their needs and expectations. Friendship and friendly love is the longest phase of a successful relationship and, if properly cared for, can last for the rest of your life. For partners whose love has passed into friendship, it is very important not to give in to routine. That is why spontaneous trips, romantic dinners or sex that breaks their current patterns are very important;
2. the fifth stage of love, i.e. an empty relationship – this is one of the sadder stages of love, in which both passion and intimacy burned out. What keeps partners in a relationship is only a commitment – marriage, children, habit or joint credit. Commitment in successful relationships is the strength of the relationship, but when it becomes the sole sustaining factor of the relationship, it usually heralds the end of love. Empty relationships very often do not end and partners live in them unhappily for the rest of their lives. This is because many people are afraid to end a long-term relationship. Fear can come from low self-esteem, financial problems, fear of loneliness, or fear of reactions from family, neighbors, and the rest of society;
3. the sixth stage of love, or relationship breakdown – at this stage, all three elements of love burn out, and usually one of the partners decides to break up. This is a very difficult moment for both partners, but definitely better than being in an empty relationship. Breaking up gives you the chance to meet someone new and build a satisfying and happy relationship. 

What is separation anxiety? Read on: Separation anxiety

Love theorists – Sternberg, Fromm or Reiss?

Love is a topic that scientists from various fields of science deal with. Later in the article we will present the findings of representatives of exact and natural sciences. However, an extremely important contribution to the perception of love are the publications and views of philosophers, sociologists and psychologists.

1. Sternberg’s theory of love – it is according to this theory love is made up of the three components of passion, intimacy and commitment described above. Throughout the relationship, all three elements change constantly. Sternberg established that intimacy includes the desire to care for the good of the partner, respect for the partner, mutual understanding or considering the partner as an important element of one’s own life. Sternberg also distinguished 7 forms of love, i.e. liking, infatuation, empty love, romantic love, absurd love, partner love and perfect love. 
2. Fromm’s Theory of Love – is a philosophical theory. Erich Fromm recognized that love is an art. This means that love should be dealt with as with any other kind of art. Fromm argued that love is a human strength. Man must learn to release it. For Fromm, mature love is, above all, giving oneself to others, taking care of satisfying the needs of a loved one, respecting the other person’s otherness and striving to get to know their partner as much as possible. In his publications, Fromm indicated various types of love, including brotherly, maternal, erotic love, love for oneself and for God. 
3. Ira Reiss Theory of Love – Ira Reiss is a sociologist who assumed that in love individual components influence each other, which depends on the degree of intensity of the other components. For Ira Reiss, the evolution of relationships can be a metaphor for a spinning wheel in which there are elements such as understanding, mutual dependence, self-disclosure, and personality fulfillment and the fulfillment of needs.
4. John Lee’s Theory of Love – John Lee pointed to six types of love that were described earlier. He divided them into three basic types and three derivatives. The basic types of love are storge, eros, and ludus. Combinations of these types of love create derivative types. Eros and ludus form mania, ludus and storge form pragma, while eros and storge form agape. 
5. Panos Bardis’ theory of love – the Greek sociologist assumed the existence of three basic types of needs, namely: physical, psychological and social needs. If the partners meet their needs, love is complete. If the needs are not met, love is incomplete. Bardis distinguished three types of love: the type of Orpheus and Eurydice, the type of Zeus and the type of Penelope. 

How Can I Deal With Betrayal in a Relationship? Check: Betrayal. How does the relationship change after partner infidelity?

Love and endocrinology – are there love hormones?

Love has a lot to do with endocrinology, because when we fall in love with our body, a storm of hormones takes place. The role of hormones is especially noticeable in the period of falling in love. This is when monoamines are released in the brain, i.e. dopamine and norepinephrine – hormones and neurotransmitters.

Norepinephrine is responsible for the feeling of excitement, euphoria and a surge of good energy. It makes our heart beat faster at the sight of a loved one, and there is a blush on our face. Norepinephrine also causes blood to stop in the penis and in the clitoris, making these areas very sensitive to touch.

Dopamine, in turn, is commonly known as the happiness hormone. It is thanks to the intensely secreted dopamine that we feel pleasure and a surge of activity. At the same time, however, dopamine is responsible for loss of appetite and the fear of losing the object of sighs.

During the falling in love stage, there is also a sharp drop in serotonin. This process is responsible for lack of concentration, insomnia, irritability, obsessive thoughts, and also depressive states.

The concentration of dopamine, noradrenaline and serotonin in the brain is controlled by phenylethylamine, commonly known as the drug of love. An interesting fact is that the structure of phenylethylamine is very similar to that of amphetamine. Therefore, no one should be surprised by the often preposterous behavior of a person who has just fallen in love. Phenylethylamine has intoxicating properties. It evokes joy, euphoria, excitement and self-confidence. The side effect of its operation is insomnia, anxiety, lack of appetite, increased heart rate, problems with concentration or breathlessness. Interestingly, until about the fourth year of the relationship, a person becomes resistant to the effects of phenylethylamine and this is when passion in the relationship disappears.

In the later stage of love, there is a state of equilibrium, which is caused by oxytocin, vasopressin and serotonin. Equilibrium is known as attachment. In addition, it is worth paying attention to the detailed influence of certain hormones on feelings, emotions and behavior:

1. testosterone – is responsible for sexual desire in both sexes;
2. dopamine – is responsible for the feeling of winging in both sexes;
3. oxytocin – in women it is responsible for feelings of closeness and attachment. There are, among others, during orgasm, during childbirth, during breastfeeding;
4. Vasopressin – is responsible for closeness and affection in men.

You can find out more about the functioning of the endocrine system in this article: Endocrine system

Love and brain function

Although the heart is associated with love, biochemical processes start in the brain. Scientists say love is a set of chemical reactions, chemicals, and neurotransmitters that conduct appropriate signals between neurons. Neuroscientists clearly point out that it is the brain that makes us fall in love with this person and not another person. The euphoria we feel at the very beginning of love in the falling in love phase is the result of an increase in dopamine. Dopamine is released by the central nervous system and its response triggers an experience of pleasure in man.

Scientists examined the brains of people in love and found that when our attention is focused on a loved one, the caudate in the brain reacts and the area associated with the production of adrenaline and dopamine. Research has also shown that being in love turns off the areas in the brain that control fear and other negative emotions.

Different parts of the brain play an important role in falling in love and in the next stages of love. These parts can be summarized as follows:

1. prefrontal cortex – is responsible for logical thinking that drops sharply when we fall in love with someone;
2. the bend of the rim – this is the area where information is generated for the brain before important emotions, such as love, for example, emerge;
3. hipokamp – regulates emotions and memory, which means that it manages memories;
4. the ventral part of the tegmental to the midbraina – is responsible for processing emotions during the falling in love phase;
5. amygdala – affects the processing of emotions and the expression of trust. It also controls the level of anxiety and stress;
6. hypothalamus – is responsible for the release of hormones that cause sweating of the hands, faster heartbeat, dry mouth and dizziness.

How our brain works Check: Brain

How does love affect our body?

Love significantly changes not only our perception of the world. It also changes our body, which is why people in love very often hear that something has changed in them, much more often for the better.

1. love in the eyes – love can be seen in the eyes of a person in love. When we are in love, the pupils enlarge and the eyes glow. In the initial stages of infatuation, when the feeling is not burdened with any problems, one can see genuine and sincere joy in the eyes of the person in love;
2. love on the face – in the rush of emotions associated with love, the brain releases adrenaline, which in turn stimulates blood circulation. The result of this process is flushed cheeks. We are also getting warmer, which is the added value of love for those who are cold;
3. love in the heart – studies have shown that people who are in long-term and happy relationships are much less likely to suffer from a heart attack. A strongly felt sign of falling in love is, of course, an accelerated heartbeat;
4. love in silhouette – scientists also claim that people who are in a stable relationship eat much healthier, are less exposed to stress and use stimulants or tobacco products less often – this significantly affects not only health, but also a shapely figure;
5. love in the belly – many people who were in love claim that they were then accompanied by the feeling of butterflies in their stomachs. It is the effect of adrenaline, which makes our heart rate faster, our palms sweat or we feel dizzy.

Does love affect your health?

Love researchers agree that love has a significant influence on our health. Going into the details, thanks to love:

1. we are more resistant to stress – love causes our body to release endorphins, i.e. happiness hormones. Endorphins improve well-being and increase resistance to stress;
2. we deal better with pain – that love can relieve pain is not a myth. Research has shown that people in love experience less pain discomfort when shown a photo of a loved one;
3. our heart is in better shape – the emotions associated with love have a beneficial effect on our heart. The risk of heart disease, including heart attack, is reduced;
4. we are smarter – love and a successful erotic life stimulate the right hemisphere of the brain to work, which is responsible for the imagination and the ability to visualize. So love definitely increases our creativity;
5. women are better protected against ovarian cancer – clinical trials have shown that in women who are happily in love, white blood cells are more active, which gives a greater chance of fighting the disease;
6. our skin is in better shape – hormones secreted during falling in love stimulate the functioning of the circulatory system. As a result, the skin is better nourished, moisturized and radiant;
7. we are mentally healthier – people who are in a stable relationship are less prone to depression and other mental disorders. These disorders are more often diagnosed in single people.

Does your relationship need psychotherapy? Check: Couples psychotherapy – in what situations is it advisable?

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