Contents
: «Love and Relationships»
- «Live with love.» If you loved yourself, people, things, things — how would you feel? How would you behave, how would you look, react, relate? How and with the desire for what result would you work at the Distance? For what, for whom would you master the exercises?
- «Who is the navel of the earth?» Make life and other people the center of your attention, not yourself. Listening, immerse yourself in the soul, body and business of the interlocutor, live his life. Get used to looking at everything first of all from the point of view of the person who is now next to you, and only then — from your bell tower. Practice jumping in, practice empathizing with the state of the interlocutor.
- «Always support» (mother’s model of love): get into the habit of saying nice things to people from the bottom of your heart. Learn to understand people’s best intentions so that you can always support them and never be an obstacle. «I love you any!».
- «I’ll make a man out of you!» (paternal model of love). Criteria for choosing your relatives, loved ones and friends? Who, how and why do you choose to love, what solid results do you expect from this?
Live with love?
I love you!
Or maybe not?
The quote from the text of the exercises in Red reads:
“If you loved yourself, people, deeds, things — how would you feel? How would you behave, how would you look, react, relate?
A person receives such a text of the exercise and then thinks about how he could do this “If I loved”. Or he begins to perform it, simultaneously dealing with his soul, as well as the goals and meanings of this exercise.
As prof. N. I. Kozlov in his book “A Book for Those Who Like to Live, or the Psychology of Personal Growth”, “if you were doing this exercise, I would soon ask you the following questions:
How many people did you contact during the day? How many of them did you love? How much time specifically? Why do you think you loved them? How do you determine, how do you know that you love a certain person?
It is clear that one of the tasks of the exercise is to recognize this state, the state of love, to recognize it so clearly and clearly that later in controversial everyday situations there will be no disagreements: “do you love or not.” And also so that your love suits people.
I love a person, but I resent his actions. Does that suit him? Does he (and life) really need such love?
Here is the family. A friend came to her husband, his wife barked at him, now the husband really wants to bite her. And if he loved her: what would he do?
Moreover, what would you like to do? How would he look at her, what would he feel for her, if he loved her?
For her, her husband is a good person, but uninteresting in sex, and in the evening she is more attracted to TV, and not to bed with him. What if she loved him?
There is no single answer here, especially since the exercise suggests remembering to love yourself. But the exercise suggests all this — to think.
Or: your child thinks that the briefcase is very much like a soccer ball, and the sideboard with china is like a gate, and is going to take a penalty. Having protected the porcelain, you would like to hit him on the head with his own briefcase so that he begins to think. What if you loved him? What if you loved order at the same time?
Etc. Life is generous with such questions. If only she were as generous with her answers!
Is your love just a kind (caring, responsible) attitude towards — or something more? Is there a sense of community, a desire for intimacy? Is there a feeling: “native, mine, heartfelt?”, a living quivering perception of him, alive and quivering?
What does your love bring? What is the meaning of it — to you? the one you love? business? things you show love for?
If you love everything and everyone, do you now live in a world filled with love? In your favorite world? How do you live in such a world now?
Questions for philosophizing researchers: if you love everything and everyone, has the amount of love per person decreased in accordance with the law of conservation of energy? Or is your love such that the more you love everyone, the purer and richer your love for everyone?
And the question is quite harmful: if you love everything and everyone, have all things become equal in importance to you? Whom did you love anyway?
About loving yourself: can you say that you love yourself? Do you want to love yourself more or in a different way? How do you react to your mistakes? How often do you praise yourself? How do you support yourself in difficult situations? What gifts are you willing to give yourself to make you happy?
Is your love more of a motherly (forgiving and unconditionally accepting) relationship or a demanding fatherly relationship?
When you woke up, but didn’t get enough sleep, loving yourself in the maternal model is a pleasure to give yourself another half hour by eye. Self-love according to the paternal model: lifting, contrast shower, ice douche, exercise — and go!
Good exercise, by God!”
Criteria for passing the exercise Love for a loved one
For women, these are things: to do, speak, behave in such a way that the beloved says: “Yes, she loves me, and she does it the way I need!”
For men, these are feelings: it doesn’t matter what you do, but your beloved should have a feeling: “Yes, I believe, you really love me!”
Interesting statistics
Do you know that more than 200 people ask about the psychology of love in a month on the yandex.ru search engine?
Site Distances
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.