How do we know if we are capable of a long-term relationship? Jungian analyst Clarissa Pinkola Estes lists the most important qualities of a life partner with whom true love is possible.
Choose as if you were blind. Close your eyes and try to see why you fell in love with this person: his kindness, loyalty, ability to intuitively understand your feelings, deep affection, willingness to take care of you and yourself as an independent person.
Choose someone who would like to be like you… strong and resilient, but at the same time flexible in the wind like a tree. Receptive, able to see and notice the life around him, the one who lives consciously.
Choose someone who does not hide his feelings from you when you hurt him, and who, in turn, notices and regrets when you suffer because of him. Share your feelings with your partner within 24 hours of the breakup.
Choose someone who lives a rich inner life, who has interests, hobbies, who moves along his own path — and who would like to have the same independent person in his life companions.
Choose someone who is curious, able to learn, see things in new ways, explore, try and grow.
Choose someone with whom you have the same inclinations and hobbies. To be in a relationship is to create shared memories, to do things together — the memories of the time spent together will support the union in difficult times. It could be something very simple.
To find love, be friends, not just lovers
Choose someone with whom you share the same views on children, money, marriage and family. This is how you relieve stress in a relationship. These questions need to be decided before you decide to enter into a long-term alliance. When an agreement is reached on practical issues, it is much easier to soar in the clouds, surrendering to feelings.
Choose someone who knows what responsiveness and compassion are, who knows how and is ready to listen, to devote as much time as you devote to him.
Choose someone who knows how to laugh at themselves, or someone who can stop a fight in the middle of a sentence.
Be prepared to turn a blind eye to a number of shortcomings and blunders. Figure out what you’re willing to put up with and what you’re not. If a person is at odds with his conscience, often lies, hides the error behind dramatic exaggerations, instead of admitting it to you, the relationship begins on shaky ground.
To find the love of a lifetime, be friends, not just lovers. Are you ready to help your partner as you would a good friend?
Very important: choose the one who enriches your life, brings new colors, ideas and feelings into it, and not the one who robs it, reduces it to gray, insignificant everyday life.
Source: K. Pinkola Estes “Running with the Wolves. Female archetype in myths and legends»