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Attraction is a powerful force that is confused with compatibility with a partner. When the initial charm wears off, we find a person nearby whose values, interests and aspirations are far from ours. But compatibility without «chemistry» does not lead to anything good. Psychotherapist Terry Gaspar believes that both components are necessary for a relationship to have a future.
Love chemistry is something complex and indefinable, a combination of emotional and physiological mutual attraction. It evokes passionate feelings and powerful emotional experiences.
Compatibility is an established relationship with a partner. We feel it when we love and respect a person as he is.
At the beginning of a relationship, we tend to show our partner the best qualities and see only the good in him. But the honeymoon phase ends sooner or later, the illusions are dispelled. Therefore, it is important that the relationship has both components. This combination will help lovers stay together for a long time, perhaps a lifetime.
A supportive partner will help you deal with unexpected changes. He will be careful in moments of life when you are especially vulnerable. Such a union is possible only when there is compatibility on a spiritual level.
Chemistry will help to cope with trials, compatibility — to set common goals and achieve them, to see the meaning in relationships.
How to understand that both components are present in your pair? Below are some signs to help you decide.
1. You are comfortable with each other
You both feel like you can be yourself and don’t have to put in the effort to impress.
2. You feel both passion and tenderness
The notorious «chemistry» means nothing if it is not accompanied by a feeling of tenderness and affection. Attachment allows you to have a great time together, not only in bed, but anywhere.
3. You respect each other
You accept your partner for who they are, and this is mutual. You respect his achievements or views. Lack of respect will destroy chemistry until only memories remain.
4. You admire each other
Do you like the life your partner lives, his personality, and he enthusiastically tells his friends about your hobbies and ideas? This is how it should be, if there is no admiration, the relationship will exhaust itself pretty quickly.
5. Your Core Values Match
You can calmly discuss what worries you, and not be afraid that your partner will devalue anxieties and experiences, because he understands and shares them.
6. You don’t try to change each other.
It does not happen that in the other one likes absolutely everything. But even those habits or character traits that are incomprehensible to you do not cause irritation, you perceive them as an integral part of your loved one.
7. You want to develop together and apart
You invest in relationships, but do not forget about self-development, each supporting the other along the way.
8. You envision a common future in the same way.
You sincerely discuss what you would like to see life together, make plans. Don’t waste time on someone who doesn’t see you in their future.
About the Author: Terry Gaspard is a psychotherapist and author of Daughters of Divorce.