Family memories are the repository of love in the family.
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Love is currently one of the most common reasons for starting a family, but not the only one.
Families are created not only for love. There are also completely random reasons — pregnancy. Or do you need to register. Or the age has come. Or in retaliation for a loved one or a loved one. Or a girl wants to escape from her parents, who do not consider her an adult, do not give her independence and terrorize … Where to escape? Married See Why and why people create a family
Nevertheless, most marriages today are made for love (more precisely, for falling in love, romantic attraction), and the fact that this has become natural for modern people is an interesting cultural and historical phenomenon with its pluses and minuses.
If you ask your grandmother, especially your great-grandmother, if love was the basis of family life in her time, then most likely you will hear: “Hey, honey, what does love have to do with it!” Indeed, we seem to have forgotten that until recently — and after all, many centuries! — the family was built absolutely not on love, but on other grounds. And it was much stronger.
“… as for the marriage plan for me, I will tell you, dear and invaluable friend, that marriage, in my opinion, is a divine institution that must be obeyed. As hard as it may be for me, if it pleases the Almighty to impose on me the duties of a wife and mother, I will try to fulfill them as faithfully as I can, not caring about examining my feelings regarding whom He will give me as a spouse. — L.N. Tolstoy, «War and Peace».
But the cultural and historical situation has changed, the old foundations of the family have gone (collapsed), new ones are not easily created: the institution of the family is in crisis. At least one love is an unreliable support for a family.
Is love enough to start a family? — Not. This is good, but not enough. Being in love pushes us towards each other, love makes our relationship stronger, the problem is that love is extremely rare, and what happens between interested men and women is more often a mixture of passion and fear … Yes, it is bright and emotional, but the base for a serious relationship, it does not yet create. If you can not only fall in love, but also think in parallel with this, think about the topic of mutual obligations. Read the article Ten Years Commitment
Does love guarantee the strength of a relationship? — Not. Love unites people, but the strength of relationships depends on people, on the quality of their relationships and the quality of their love. Ordinary love, namely love-attraction (love-passion, romantic attraction) — passes quickly enough, from several weeks to a year. Moreover, sometimes love is crooked, wild love! — the relationship rather destroys. On the other hand, Love with a capital letter helps build, strengthen and maintain relationships, including family relationships.
Is love necessary to create a family? — Not. It is usually easier to start a relationship with love, but if a person is promising, a relationship can be started without hot love. Another thing is that living with love is still better than without love, so you should take care of love. Namely, love can be created, love can be cultivated.
Love will help you, but it will not do anything for you, it is up to you personally to build your family. Along with love in building a strong family, the ability to find a suitable partner and the ability to build relationships helps. And love needs to be kept and supported, it’s real.
What if love is gone? Take it easy and start building relationships. For most couples in love, after a while (from a month to two years), love passes. For some, this is a tragedy, for others it is just a new stage in the construction of relationships, where instead of the previous love, a new feeling can arise in a couple: love-joy, love-gratitude.
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.