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Losing a job is never easy. Loss of the ability to define yourself through your profession, shock, confusion, fear of the future… But if you look at unemployment from a different angle, it may not be a dead end, but a springboard, a chance to better understand yourself and start life anew.
Brightly colored T-shirts or badges with joking words such as “No work, no problem” or “Watch TV all day” are often worn by those who have recently lost their jobs and want to remind themselves and others that they, too, have a right to happiness and joy. But such a rational attitude to the unemployment of Americans and Europeans, most likely, will seem frivolous to us. After all, according to a survey conducted by the Levada Center in August 2015, almost a third of Russians admit that they feel fear at the thought of losing their job.
Supporters of a calm and easy (but not careless and not frivolous) attitude towards unemployment, on the contrary, are sure that in such a situation, fear paralyzes. And by following your desires and aspirations, you can give yourself a chance after a pause with renewed vigor to get involved in a new job that will be more in line with their talents, values and inner needs. Let’s try to figure it out.
“Losing a job is experienced as a loss”
Work is certain obligations, frameworks, communication, in general, something that supports us. Unemployment is like an air pocket where you fly without insurance. And you are left alone with yourself, with completely empty days, bills for which there is almost nothing to pay, endless waiting for an invitation to an interview: before the meeting you feel timid hope, and then the refusal turns into depression. A typical and bleak picture.
“Losing a job is experienced just like any other loss,” says business consultant Yevgeny Kreslavsky. “Everyone who has experienced this goes through the stages of mourning. First, shock, deep confusion, not understanding what to do. Then anger – at yourself, at those who fired. Bargaining is also possible: what if it can still be settled, and they will take me back? And finally, depression.
“I discarded all complexes and began an active search”
Alexander, 43, former investment banker, recently founded a book publishing house
“From my youth, work for me was synonymous with moving towards success and high incomes. By the age of 30, I had a decent career in investment banking, and I had a clear idea of how I would make the final push to rest on my laurels and spend what I earned at forty. But suddenly they said to me: “Thank you, goodbye.” There was a feeling of the collapse of all life plans. We were expecting a baby, I had obligations, and now I was unemployed.
At times like these, you prioritize. What is important to you: to portray the unjustly offended or to think about the family? Family is definitely more important to me. I put aside my self-image as a cool manager and started looking. I wrote a list of all my friends and acquaintances who could help, began calling them, sending them resumes, they sent them to friends …
Made at least 20 calls. And a month later I was at a new job, in a company that was engaged in investments in the periodicals market. There I gained experience, acquaintances, connections, and eventually moved to the largest publishing house, and then founded my own book business. The layoff changed my life dramatically. Now I can’t even imagine that I will leave all my affairs and rest in a house by the sea. The greatest pleasure today is to create new projects, to move forward.”
Accept your new state
One of the tests of the unemployed is the loss (to one degree or another) of one’s own identity. “Until now, a person was an engineer, an accountant or a teacher – and now who is he? – Evgeny Kreslavsky argues. “He was in demand as a professional, and suddenly no one needs him.”
One’s own uselessness is felt especially sharply when, out of desperation, one has to agree to a temporary, casual job. It is important to give yourself time to mourn the loss.
“Before you can start a new life with renewed vigor, you need to learn to cope with your fear and confusion, learn to accept a new situation without dooming yourself to reclusion and self-flagellation,” says psychotherapist and coach Mark Traverson. “We have to go through a breakdown, and anger, and sadness.”
You also need to prioritize. Summarize your previous career to understand how we got to this point and where to go next. A destructive period of unemployment is sure to be followed by a creative period.
Each of us is more than our job. Our needs and interests are much broader
Experience is transformed into action gradually. “To do this, you need to look at the situation from a different (unusual) angle, reformulate it,” Yevgeny Kreslavsky recommends. – Not “I’m unemployed”, but “I have another job now. It’s called a job search. What is it? To understand this, you need to give yourself answers to two questions: “What can I do?” and “What do I want?”, assess their knowledge and skills, including those that may not have been used in their previous job.
Understand what is in demand on the market today. Make a plan of action and strictly follow it. “The very discipline of its performance will help keep the tone,” says Yevgeny Kreslavsky. – And then the reason for embarrassment or shame will disappear: we just realize ourselves differently at the moment. Not the way they used to do it.”
“I’m tired of spending my life in the office”
Anita, 56, former executive assistant, now yoga instructor
“I grew up in Soviet times, when working in some office was the norm. My “office” was the Academy of Sciences. For 15 years I was engaged in scientific work, but did not shine with anything, because I built a family, gave birth to children, and work was just a background. When the crisis happened in the 90s and the money almost stopped being paid, I realized that it was necessary to change the “office”. And for the next 14 years she worked in a popular women’s magazine – she was both an assistant manager and deputy head of a department.
It was difficult and not very interesting to work, I was tired, but I did not see another way out – I had to earn money. She also worked part-time – on weekends she taught yoga. And then the layoffs began. I understood that the wave of cuts would reach me, but still it came as a surprise. I was confused, like any Soviet person who knows that he can count on his pay twice a month.
Thinking about a new job, I suddenly realized clearly that I no longer want to live in an office. And I decided to focus on my favorite yoga, which turned out to be incredibly pleasant and comfortable. This job, unlike the previous ones, requires all my creative abilities and, apparently, people need it. Yes, my income is unstable, but the opportunity to help others be healthy and happy inspires me a lot!”.
A reason to spend time with family, remember old hobbies
“The more interesting and eventful a person’s life was in his free time, the easier it is for him to survive the period of unemployment,” says Mark Traverson. So, for example, happened with Anita. A long-term passion for yoga allowed her to discover a new profession.
For those for whom their own significance is determined primarily by salary or professional status, who identify themselves with their work, it will, of course, be more difficult to accept the loss of it. But each of us is more than our work, recalls Yevgeny Kreslavsky.
Our needs and interests are much broader. And the loss of work at the same time gives us a valuable bonus – free time. We can finally pay attention to what we love: our hobbies, communication with children … These are the facets of our life that previously remained not fully realized due to our workload. Doing what we love makes us feel alive. “If we find in ourselves the ability to live, and not survive, in different life circumstances, we are able to change these circumstances,” the business consultant notes.
However, we have to learn to cope with judgmental or dismissive looks, with the indifference of relatives and friends that hurts us. And do not panic when you hear the question: “Where do you work now?”, But calmly answer: “Nowhere.” To return to life with renewed vigor, it is necessary to abstract from the opinions of other people, emphasizes Mark Traverson. They should not shake our determination to act as we have decided for ourselves, in accordance with our own plan.
Open to new opportunities
But, of course, this does not mean that it is better to withdraw into yourself. On the contrary, those who take unemployment lightly try to be as sociable as possible. Like Alexander, they activate all their social connections. “Who haven’t I talked to in a long time? Who can you contact? Who could help me? Who did I just want to see for a long time? And don’t forget the power of social media.
“Communication is not only a “tool” for finding a job,” emphasizes Yevgeny Kreslavsky. “It is extremely important that a person does not feel alone at this difficult moment.” But this is not the most important thing. “Friends and acquaintances can help in the search for new ideas. Thanks to them, we, as in a mirror, can see in ourselves what we ourselves have not seen: that some of our skills and abilities can be in demand on the market.”
So, for example, it happened with 42-year-old Lyudmila, a former stylist, who found herself with a newborn child, without work and with an unemployed husband. It was a friend who gave her the idea to become a fashion blogger. At first it seemed like an empty fantasy: there was nowhere to get money for expensive fashionable things, and without them, what would a fashion blog be?
Nevertheless, Lyudmila was captured by the idea. She had experience in a fashion magazine and experience as a blogger, and finally, she had a completely model appearance. And my husband knew how to program and develop websites … As a result, a financial solution was found and everything worked out. The blog with her fashion photos and inspiring stories has been dynamically developing for three years now.
“Now I can choose who I work with”
Svetlana, 36, former lawyer, now coach
“In three years, I changed about 30 temporary jobs. I was in constant search and agreed to everything, hoping that, perhaps, they would transfer me to the state: I had to pay for a rented apartment. Now work for me is not a duty, but a pleasure. I not only give, but also receive something in return. I grew up remembering my grandfather, who at 42 lost his job and missed out on many opportunities, not wanting to take the risk of changing careers.
I was terribly tired of my former profession. I was not able to establish a personal life, and I did not want to ruin my career as well. Instead of making a tragedy out of unemployment, I took this chance to change my life. I took a course in sophrology to become a stress management coach myself, and a course in psychotherapy which taught me how to be the creator of my life.
Now every new day does not cause me excitement, I am ready for it. Temporary contracts and volatility used to scare me. Now it would be very uncomfortable for me to work in the state. As a freelancer, I can choose who I work with. In addition, with each new client, I think about what I got from working with him. I have created a real “library” of good memories. Difficulties in life can also be helpful.”
Know yourself better
Paradoxically, the loss of a job opens up prospects that we did not even suspect. This was demonstrated by the American Lilu Mays. At 34, she got a job as a marketing director, and after seven months she was fired. She decided to throw out her disappointment on paper; the result was the book I Lost My Job and I Liked It.
“I had an alternative: open up to other people or withdraw. I chose the first one and it brought me back to life,” writes Lilu. Since then, she has opened her own Internet channel, where she has posted hundreds of her interviews with writers and scientists from all over the world. “My life philosophy is now based on the law of attraction: our life only becomes beautiful when we start to create it.”
Listing your goals and objectives, planning your week, taking care of your body, educating yourself or getting another education—there are plenty of ways to approach unemployment constructively and make the most of your time. And among them there is one that Mark Traverson highlights in particular – the so-called “serendipity” (serendipity). It’s about the ability to make discoveries without committing intentional actions, in other words, about random insights.
“I love listening to online lectures on topics that interest me,” says Mark Traverson. “At such moments, I seem to let my mind fly free, and completely unexpected associations and ideas begin to arise in me.” It is by caring for the small sprouts of the new that we create great opportunities for ourselves in the future.