Going in search of the man of your dreams, it is worth checking your luggage: is everything that you have behind you useful on this journey? What to take with you, and what is it time to get rid of?
To begin with, let’s define what exactly we mean by the baggage of the past.
“Each of us carries our baggage of beliefs, ways of thinking and ideas. Some of them will help in achieving the goal, while others will interfere. So is it worth holding on to them? Let’s figure out what steps to take, — suggests psychologist, ORCT practitioner Elena Neimark. — At the beginning of the path, you need to establish yourself in your own value. We are significant and valuable, and we do not need a man to confirm this. If you have an attitude that a woman without a husband is inferior, get rid of her as soon as possible — this is a bad motive for starting a search.
What other motives should be thrown out of your luggage?
- All my girlfriends are married, but I’m still not.
- I’ll show my ex!
- Mom sleeps and sees me married.
- I’m not getting younger, time is running out…
What happens if you refuse installations? Previously, they performed an important function for us: we relied on them, they helped us make decisions. So, you need to replace them with new ones.
Why do you need to find a man and get married? Try to be honest with yourself on this question. To enjoy life, communication, sex? To give birth to children and raise them together, sharing cares? To get richer? A lot depends on the answer.
Why do we need a man?
“You are a woman who already has everything except her husband. If you think like this, your goals are positive, continues Elena Neimark. — You are looking for a man not because you are trying to avoid a negative attitude towards yourself from the environment. You just want to add positivity to your life. This is true? Then take the next step. When we go shopping, we often make a list of what we want to buy. So why, when we go looking for a man, we often do not know what we are looking for?
Write 10 sentences that would describe your ideal partner, the psychologist suggests. Let’s see what you got. Did you have enough ideas for ten sentences, or do you have so many that even ten points are not enough? How specific were these descriptions?
Can you more clearly articulate your wishes for the man of your dreams?
“For example,“ he loves me ”is as vague as possible, because love is expressed in its own way for everyone. If you wrote: “He kisses me when he leaves for work,” “Gives me flowers with or without reason,” this is already much more specific. Did you manage to make sentences without the particle “not”? Did you touch on topics such as sex and money in these descriptions?
Any answers to the questions we have listed above are neither good nor bad. They simply reveal your way of thinking and help you better articulate your relationship needs. This is food for thought. What would you like to change in your goals? Can you now more clearly articulate your wishes for the man of your dreams?
Before we go searching, let’s discuss search methods.
Effective business strategy
“Look at the search for a man as a business project. Yes, it’s work. Yes, you will have to allocate time for this and approach the process with attention, — suggests Elena Neimark. “But still, do not forget that the search is an adventure, and in any business there are ups and downs. It’s not you who failed in your search for a partner, but your business. And after failure, you can adjust the business strategy.”
Yes, every business needs a strategy. To do this, you should think about where you will look for a man who meets your needs, what this man likes, what you can offer him to interest him.
Look at actions, not words. Unfortunately, emotions are bad helpers here.
“Since the search is a project, then they need regularity and a system,” says the psychologist. — Imagine that you are panning for gold and sooner or later you will definitely find the one you need, it just takes time and patience. And, of course, remove the belief “all men are goats!” Otherwise, only they will come across to you. The one you’re looking for definitely exists.»
Such a business process as finding a partner for life should be approached with a cool head. And what about love? There is nothing better than love built on a real foundation, the psychologist is convinced.
“Do not hesitate to ask and clarify whether a man really meets your needs. Look at actions, not words. Unfortunately, emotions here are bad helpers, otherwise it will turn out like in that song: “I blinded him from what was …” Of course, you should like a man: it makes no sense to build relationships on one calculation without sympathy.
When you have thrown everything out of your luggage and set off in search with the right goals and settings, then the chances of finding that one becomes much greater.
Good luck!