Look at yourself with humor!

Humor fuels self-esteem

There were always a lot of people around my childhood friend – at school, college, at work, in companies. The secret of her success is simple: she knows how to joke. Her humor is light, harmless, but always able to improve mood. Katya herself enjoys when her especially good remark causes an outburst of laughter. Undoubtedly, her ego triumphs at this moment: others perceive a witty person not only as a joker, but also as a clever and subtle psychologist, able to simply and funnyly talk about what worries and worries everyone. And open up to people, making them more open.

A good anecdote is a moment of glory for the narrator. A witty joke is a work of art. Thanks to these little masterpieces, our self-esteem instantly soars up. We feel special pride when we manage to laugh at a disturbing or unpleasant situation. Not only do we regain peace of mind, we suddenly feel smarter. “When we enjoy a good joke, it is easier for us to solve our problems, because the left hemisphere (reason, logic) works more actively,” explains neuropsychologist Frederic Rosenfeld. Moreover, when we laugh heartily, the brain becomes more plastic, which helps to make new connections.”

And one more thing: the one who has the most valuable gift to make laugh, attracts listeners to his side. It’s not for nothing that the best speakers, political leaders, and corporate executives start their speeches with a funny story, a joking observation, or a good anecdote.

Humor relieves stress

“For many hours I had been sitting at London’s Heathrow Airport and could not fly to Moscow – the eruption of the Icelandic volcano paralyzed flights over Europe,” recalls 32-year-old Dmitry. – The vacation was over, I understood that my boss did not care, because of which I did not come to work on time. And I wasn’t alone, the stress was just in the air. But as soon as someone uttered “Eyyafyatlayokudl”, dozens of people rolled into Homeric laughter. And the tension subsided. Disasters, oddly enough, give rise to a whole wave of puns, anecdotes and jokes. “Humor helps us cope with stress,” explains psychologist Alena Ivanova. “Thanks to him, we can relax a little and, at least for a while, distance ourselves from the situation. Sometimes this alone allows you to take a fresh look at what is happening (and at yourself), see a way out, find a solution to the problem. Those of us who allow ourselves to joke in difficult moments cope with stress more easily than others. And this is the phenomenon of humor, which can not only please, but also cause a genuine catharsis in our soul.

The standard of humor is Jewish anecdotes, which build a special anti-stress model of the world. Based on self-irony, they turn into a joke what saddens us, humiliates us, sometimes destroys us, angers us to tears. “Jew in the synagogue: “Lord, what to do? My son was baptized.” Voice from above: “And I have the same problem.” From tears to laughter, as you know, one step. A good story, a funny anecdote teach us to take the vicissitudes of fate easier.

Humor breaks taboo

Humor, like dreams, unleashes our most secret impulses without causing any complaints from our main censor – the “Super-I”, argued the founder of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud*. That is why most jokes exploit “indecent” topics. They allow with a clear conscience to express what is not customary to talk about and what is even more impossible to do – our aggressive desires, sadomasochistic fantasies, contempt for the opposite sex … “The forbidden is the area where we can most easily fall into a“ ridiculous ”position, – explains mathematician Alexei Redozubov. – A huge number of social norms and prohibitions are connected with everything that concerns the “basic instinct”. And therefore they are all an inexhaustible source of humor. Here, for example, is an anecdote-observation: “A pessimist believes that all women are whores, and an optimist hopes so.” Such jokes are a way to satisfy aggressive impulses towards a woman, Freud believed. He believed that an indecent joke told to a woman meant a veiled sexual invitation mixed with a desire to humiliate her.

The impact of plots and images of anecdotes and witticisms on our worldview is so great that they practically remove the taboo even from the frightening topic of death, presenting our departure as not so mysterious and irreversible. As in the old joke, where the dying old woman says to her son-in-law: “Son, look, what a sunset!” “Don’t be distracted, mother, mind your own business.”

* Z. Freud “Wit and its relation to the unconscious.” AST, AST Moscow, 2009.

** A. Redozubov “Brain for rent”. Amphora, 2010.

Humor unites

The characters of Emir Kusturica’s film Black Cat, White Cat (1998) are Balkan gypsies. But the colorful, sarcastic, slightly sad humor of Kusturica touches the audience, wherever they were born – in Moscow or Paris, New York or Kiev. We do not remain indifferent. Why? Because we are people. Humor gives rise to empathy, empathy. “When we laugh at one joke, we feel the similarity of our vision of the world,” says Alena Ivanova. “And we feel closeness, if the interlocutor laughs at our jokes, and his witticisms seem funny to us, the joint experience of strong feelings unites.” Humor makes you think about yourself, your life values, about the desires and feelings of another person. “Good-natured humor is a unique means of communication and conflict resolution,” continues the psychologist. – The world remains the same, but for a moment we ourselves become more tolerant, more loving. We don’t just think about ourselves.” Therefore, it is not surprising that, for example, in married couples, there is a direct relationship between satisfaction with marriage and how often spouses joke, how pronounced both have a sense of humor *.

* G. Weisfeld «Humor appreciation as an adaptive esthetic emotion». International Journal of Humor Research, 2006.

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humor heals

A sharp word caused an outburst of laughter? So it hit the target. But there is nothing funny in describing the mechanism of laughter. From a physiological point of view, laughter is a contraction of 15 facial muscles and simultaneous stimulation of the inspiratory and expiratory muscles, which causes respiratory spasms and specific sounds, explains the largest researcher of humor Rod Martin. It is well known that laughter is good for health – it reduces stress levels and makes life happier. Perhaps that is why laughter clubs are opening all over the world, where they not only teach to smile, but also treat with laughter. “Sincerely laughing, we breathe especially deeply, the blood is saturated with oxygen, immunity increases, endorphins, hormones, due to which there is a feeling of peace and serenity, begin to be actively produced,” says Rimma Umyarova, head of the Moscow Laughter Club. Laughter therapists consider spontaneous prolonged laughter to be especially effective, which is used by the followers of Hasya Yoga, when literally the whole human body from head to toe “laughs”. “In laughter clubs, group classes,” continues Rimma Umyarova, “because laughter is contagious and, being transmitted from one person to another, it gives a very strong emotional experience, a feeling of genuine joy.” Another direction in laughter therapy was invented by Dr. Patch Adams – we are talking about the work of medical clowns in clinics and hospitals. Laughter therapist Irina Baranova says: “One of the secrets of our performances in front of patients is that clowns do not speak much and this makes their communication with the public frivolous, childish, in a sense even stupid, awkward. What do we laugh at the most? It is over the absurdity of others, over the absurdity of what is happening. The effect of such communication is that people cease to judge and evaluate themselves and others. And it is then that they open up to themselves and begin to better understand what they really want, what they really need, and what conventions can be neglected. All this helps them to accept their illness, to cope with it.”

Sense of humor can be developed

This is not to say that in the face of a joke, everyone is equal. For those who lack a sense of humor, psychologists advise mentally imagining funny scenes that are played out in those circumstances where difficulties arise: at work, at home, in communication with loved ones. “For example, you can imagine an absurd boss in a ridiculous situation or make a comic collage with his photograph,” advises psychologist Alena Ivanova. “True, aggressive laughter at the offender has only a short-term effect.” More productive jokes related to the situation as a whole. They help to look at it from the outside, relieve internal tension and interpret even the most dramatic events in a different way.