We often hear the call to “live in the present”, “live here and now”. But what does that mean? And what does it give us?
Psychologists and philosophers convince us that «here and now» is an important life principle. To be present in the current moment, to practice mindfulness, to be in contact with oneself, other people and the world… Meanwhile, we often observe just the opposite: thoughts wander in no one knows where, and actions are performed “on autopilot”. You probably caught yourself sliding your eyes over the page, but did not understand a word of what you read, or ate without tasting the food.
And although the idea of living in the present sounds very attractive, it seems that this state is not easy to achieve?
“Not at all,” objected Gestalt therapist Galina Kamenetskaya. — Firstly, all children experience this state, and those who had adoptive parents retain this ability for life. Secondly, we sometimes experience it without any effort, for example, when meeting a congenial person or a work of art — we recognize this experience as an exciting feeling of freedom, completeness and wholeness.
When we feel good, we tend to replicate that experience. But something prevents you from staying in this state continuously. These are things that have not been completed in the past and feelings that have not found a way out.
There and then
Everyone «here and now», in the words of Galina Kamenetskaya, has a brother — «there and then»:
“In the past, a situation created a tension that could not be resolved there and then. For example, the child felt offended and could not find protection from his parents. Repeating, this experience has become fixed, and now every time an adult feels hurt, he simultaneously experiences defenselessness.
Therefore, he cannot declare his interests: he has the means for this, but he does not seem to know about it, he does not have contact with himself as an adult. In the course of psychotherapy, the situation “here and now” is modeled: the therapist creates it due to his inclusion and acceptance of the client. And it becomes the resource that the client needs to allow himself to be aware and fearlessly express feelings, whatever they may be (for example, anger at parents), gaining new experience.
Therapy, spiritual practices: yoga, meditation, prayer, art — different paths to a more holistic «I»
Does this mean that we have no other way than psychotherapy to approach the experience of the present?
“This is an effective, but not the only way,” says Galina Kamenetskaya. “If I find that there is an obstacle between me and the experience of my wholeness, I thereby take a step towards re-establishing contact with myself. I honestly tell myself: I have a difficulty, and I can solve it in different ways. Therapy, spiritual practices: yoga, meditation, prayer, art — all these are different paths to a more holistic «I» and a living perception of the present.
It is the present that gives us the opportunity to choose and act.
Between the past and the future
Where does the present begin and end? These boundaries are changeable. Before leaving the house, the zipper on our jacket jams, and we nervously tug on it — this is undoubtedly real. But the trip planned for next month, and the memories of a recent date, also belong to the present.
“The present is the period of time with which we work, which we can influence,” emphasizes the philosopher Artemy Magun. “There is a past that has been established irrevocably, with which we cannot do anything. But at the same time, a whole series of incompleteness remains, and the present appeals to them.
We are not able to resurrect our great-grandfather, but we can write his story so that he is remembered, we can give birth to children and pass on our memory of him to them. “The present is that mode of reality in which we pick up the possibilities of the past and throw them into the future as tasks, plans … and fears too,” the philosopher continues. “For example, we remember that there was a Holocaust, and today we are taking action so that this does not happen again.”
Moreover, the more distant the future, the less it depends on us: it is impossible to say with certainty that in 20 years there will be no war.
Pleasure cannot be a goal: it arises only as a side effect in the process of realizing larger goals.
But the immediate future—our conception of it—affects what we experience now. When we are passionate about an interesting task and see the prospects for its solution, then it becomes the measure of today’s life.
It turns out that the present has different levels. Large projects create a context that allows you to more fully live the events unfolding at the moment. “If we have a large scale, then small scales become available to us,” the philosopher notes.
The reverse is also true: if we try to live only in the moment, then it will slip away.
The well-known call of Carpe diem — «Seize the day» — sometimes leads not to expansion, but to narrowing of the horizon. Artemy Magun says that already in Ancient Greece the school of the Epicureans taught: a hedonist must be an ascetic, avoid pleasures in order to appreciate them more — otherwise they will turn into suffering.
Pleasure cannot be a goal: it only occurs as a side effect in the process of realizing larger goals.
The power of surprise
Our experience of time is conditioned not only by personal experience, but also by culture. “It has three main types: the culture of the body, feelings and consciousness,” says Vladimir Baskakov, a psychologist and creator of the thanatotherapy method. “Russia, despite its geographically intermediate position between the West and the East, is too close to the West with its predominance of intellectualism for the practice of being “here and now” to retain its original meaning for us.” The East is attentive to repetitions, to reproduction, while the West seeks to achieve and overcome what has already happened.
“A simple observation shows that we are rarely present in the present of our own free will,” continues Vladimir Baskakov. “More often we are thrown there by extreme or non-standard situations.” For example, when a subway train stops in a tunnel, the driver says, “Please remain calm. The train will leave soon.»
Where does anxiety come from? “This is a mild degree of fear that arises from a collision with the present,” explains the psychologist. “This is a reaction to unpredictability, and it is an integral part of the present. Fantasies and neurotic reactions are predictable. But reality is not. We can’t say for sure when the train will move, and we don’t know what to do if things don’t go according to plan.»
Bygone childhood is the most striking example of the experience of «here and now»
Meanwhile, only the presence in the present allows you to fully feel alive. And since one of the sides of the present — reproduction, repetition — for the majority, due to culture and upbringing, turns out to be closed (boring, uninteresting), the other side becomes more attractive: suddenness, extremeness. Fights and fires gather onlookers.
“The inherent unpredictability of the present attracts us, becomes very interesting when it does not concern us personally. Near it, we feel more alive, ”the psychologist develops the thought. It can be said that we are touching the “now”, but not the “here” — because this is not happening to us. And so the thirst to be alive remains unquenched.
But instead of plunging into our own present, we again go in search of strong experiences, emotional outbursts that will take us out of a state of stupor for a while. “It remains only to regret the freshness of feelings and perceptions that we all had in childhood,” Vladimir Baskakov reflects. — It’s a paradox, but the past childhood turns out to be the most striking example of the experience of «here and now.»
Body as evidence
Emotionality is associated with physicality, and the loss of the ability to experience one’s emotions is associated with the neglect of the body, characteristic of our culture.
“We habitually talk about “ownership of the body”, not noticing that “ownership” is not a relationship of equal partners, but a master and a slave,” continues Vladimir Baskakov. The body always lives in the present. But we “leave it in the head” from it, thereby isolating ourselves from feelings.
However, there comes a time of rebellion, when the “slave” body refuses to obey: it begins to hurt. Pain is a powerful experience that inevitably brings us back to the present, to the reality of the current moment. It is no coincidence that, wanting to ascertain the reality of experiences, we say «pinch me.» But pain is “required” only because we are insensitive to softer, subtle sensations.
Where am I, what am I feeling, what am I thinking, what is my body feeling, what is happening to me right now?
“The main feature of modern civilization is control,” says Vladimir Baskakov. — As soon as we notice something, we strive to take this “something” under control, to begin to manage it. With regard to experiences, this means the destruction of their naturalness, spontaneity. Indeed, we often dream that feelings come to us on demand and turn off at the first request. “But staying in the present requires other skills – attention and trust,” explains Vladimir Baskakov. “Only under these conditions can we experience real contact, co-presence with ourselves and with the world.”
It seems that we have no other way to the present, except for constant questions: where am I, what do I feel, what do I think about, what does my body feel, what is happening to me right now?