«Where is your soul?» — one of the simplest questions that answer the question: «Who do you love?». If your soul is in your affairs, you think first of all and at every opportunity about them, about work and affairs — you love work first of all. And their children — after work. If you think first of all about children, it is about them that you remember at any opportunity, it means that you love your children first of all.
Considering that most men do prioritize work over family and children, we can agree that living in the soul of a child is a predominantly female way of life.
But living in the soul of a child can be not only a way of life, but also a style of education. Many men actually love their children very much, take care of them and think a lot about their upbringing, but they think about it — in an adult and masculine way. Not childish.
Dano is a child. The task is to raise a man out of him. The technologies available are as follows… The work plan is as follows…
A wonderful approach, but it sometimes lacks an in-depth understanding of children’s characteristics and the child’s soul. What seems clear and obvious to an adult may not be at all clear to a child. A child does not know how to do what we adults can do, he has other desires, he knows well what his Want is and usually does not understand well what should be. Children love the harmful Sprite and do not like to correct mistakes… If this is not understood, if you treat the child as an unfinished adult, the child may close, and your «upbringing» will be clumsy and inadequate.
Sh. Amonashvili wrote about the importance of this: the educator must “live childhood in the child”, not be afraid to relax and “turn on” the child sitting inside you — then all the problems and questions that the child faces become accessible and understandable to you from a child’s point of view vision. Then a way opens up for you by which you can make «adult» things accessible to the child.
Also, studies have shown that the main and practically the only feature that makes a student a good child psychologist in the future is whether the student himself remembers his childhood, whether he has lost childhood memories and childhood traits in himself. If his childhood lives in a student, he will always find contact with the child. If he has forgotten his childhood, lost his childhood, he can be a wise teacher, but natural contact with a child is difficult for him.
However, there is a fine line here: if children’s characteristics are understood so much that the process of interaction is no longer controlled by adults, but by children, dictating their characteristics to parents and insisting that parents should take them into account (read — obey them), then “living in the soul of a child” turns in «living under the power of the child.» If parents believe in a positive beginning for their children, this suits them perfectly and turns into the official ideology “I don’t raise my children, I live with them!”
Here, for example, is the philosophy of one mother, expressing the position of many mothers: “I am the mother of two children. By the age of 26, I understood for sure: a child from the first day of his life is a person. From birth, the child feels both physical and mental (dis-)comfort. We — moms and dads — are not given to him in order to «educate» him. Sometimes children themselves (re) educate us. We are a mirror for our children, a mirror of their feelings. It is parents (or especially parents) who are given to teach children to understand and express their feelings. And this is so important for both an adult and a child — to be able to understand yourself, to know what you want, and in the end — just for happiness!
How to treat such an approach? Sometimes it is permissible and even wise, sometimes it is weak and bad. If the parents themselves live crookedly and at the same time try (just as crookedly) to raise their children, then the children have two troubles: such parents and the fact that they are raising them. If parents live on their own somehow and they have no time for children, no time for their upbringing, this is not bad in its own way. Yes, they don’t teach anything, but at least they don’t interfere with life.
If the parents are sensible, they themselves live brightly and beautifully, and raise their children not with words and teachings, but with an example of their life, their attitude to life and to people — these are wise and accurate parents who take good care of their children. However, if parents not only live brightly, smartly and beautifully themselves, but also feel confident as teachers, know how to raise their children and want to be responsible for the results of their upbringing, the ideology “I don’t raise children, I live with them” no longer suits them. She is not tall enough for them, such people can and should already set more serious tasks.
See Living with children or raising children?
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.