Live with feelings or turn on your head?

If Aristotle defined man as homo sapiens, by this he defined not so much a fact as a landmark of a way of life: «Man is the one who lives by reason.» In all ages, in all world religions, people have been taught to subdue their passions, purify their minds from heated emotions, and more often live in spirit. For Christians, “passions” are an obstacle to the rapture of the soul to God.

According to St. Theophan the Recluse, “God created our nature pure from passions. But when we fell away from God and, focusing on ourselves, began to love ourselves instead of God and please ourselves in every possible way, then in this selfhood we perceived all the passions that are rooted in it and are born from it.

In Islam, the concept of «nafs», that is, the bodily-sensual essence of a person, is compared with a horse: if the horse is unbridled, it must be fought, if it is curbed, it must be controlled. For secular people, the Age of Enlightenment proclaimed the supremacy of reason and the need to subjugate the reason of all other principles in man and society.

“Timeless, non-historically understood, always identical to itself “reasonableness”, as opposed to “delusions”, “passions”, “sacraments”, was considered by the Enlighteners as a universal means of improving society.” — Pavel Gurevich. Philosophy of man. Part 2. Chapter 3. The Age of Enlightenment: The Discovery of the Subject.

However, times are changing, and starting somewhere in the 60s of the twentieth century, there has been a massive propaganda of the views of “feelings above reason”. Previously, this was only written about in women’s novels, but it soon moved into quasi-spiritual literature (Osho on the priority of intuition and feelings), became fashionable in the books of Paulo Coelho (“live with feelings!”) And soon became a common place in Gestalt therapy.

“Feeling is closer to intuition. I don’t expect the impossible, I don’t say, «Be intuitive» — ​​you can’t do that. There is only one thing you can do right now, go from head to feeling, that will be enough. Then it will be very easy to move from feeling to intuition. But it is very difficult to move from thinking to intuition. They don’t meet, they are polar to each other.» — Osho.

The only place where respect for the mind is still preserved and it is proposed to remove feelings when solving serious issues is business. If, when deciding on a share placement, you bring to your boss not an analysis of stock reports, but refer to your inner feelings, you will soon have to leave the position of financial consultant.

The slogan «live by feelings» became fashionable when women entered the public scene. Women are great at living with their heads, women are smart and practical, but women like to live with feelings, and where they can afford it, they do it. At work, a woman thinks well, is responsible and reasonable. But as soon as a text message from her lover appeared on the phone, the woman turns off her head and answers no longer as smart, but as is customary in female culture — impulsively, on the sails of feelings and emotions. Forming decisions in her business plan, a woman calmly considers the risks, but if her child falls ill, her reaction is often emotional: her head turns off, anxiety and anxiety set in.

Living with the senses or living with the head are two very different ways of life. If a person lives by feelings, then he lives his luck through his feelings — through a feeling of joy, lightness and enthusiasm. If a person lives with feelings, then he lives the mistakes he makes through his feelings — through guilt, experience, remorse and redemption. This is how the human organism lives. If a person lives by reason, his scheme of life is different: «I thought — I did.» More: comprehended, evaluated, rethought and drew conclusions, set a task, corrected behavior, evaluated the results, set the following tasks. This is how a reasonable person works.

Why do some people live with their feelings and others with their heads? First of all, it is the result of education. As people are taught, so they live.

Who lived among those who always turned on his head — he used to live the same way. Who lived among those who always lived with feelings, for him it became his norm of life. Children and some girls are so accustomed to living by feelings that it never occurs to them that one day one can be guided by the head.

A certain role is played by age and gender characteristics. Children more often live by feelings, adult life implies a greater role for the mind, but where people can choose their own way of life on their own, men are more often guided by reason, women by feelings.

The thinking of a man is characterized by certainty and often excessive abstraction, the artificiality of the framework of his thinking, for a woman — blurring, great concreteness and natural fluidity. A man is more often ready to consider what is happening objectively, in a woman everything is saturated with feelings and subjectivity. A man often relies on logic, a woman — on her intuition, feelings and sensations. If a man has something in mind, he can be strong-willed and consistent, a woman is more often impulsive and ready to change her mind. For more details, see Solving life problems by men and women

Against the backdrop of a hormonal storm, it is really difficult to turn on the head, and if a girl is expected to have a rather soft character than a sharp mind, then the habit of “turning on her head” may not develop. And it will be difficult to turn on the head.

Is it difficult to live with your head turned on? Turning your head on often can be difficult at first, but over time it gets easier and easier. On the one hand, the head learns to always think, and it becomes natural just like using a spoon and fork while eating (it doesn’t bother you anymore, moreover, it’s even somehow uncomfortable without it, right?), On the other hand, in the process of life, many similar situations will gradually begin to be solved by the accumulated patterns, automatically. You do everything right, and your head is free. See Patterns: Harm or Benefit.

In addition to habits inherited from education, our propensity to live by feelings or head is influenced by life benefits. If you don’t think about the future or be supported, then living with feelings is easier and more profitable: you don’t need to think, and it’s not you who is responsible for impulsive and stupid decisions, but feelings. If I live with my head, it would be necessary to draw difficult conclusions in such a situation, and if I live with feelings, it’s enough for me to worry, cry, and maybe “share” my feelings with my friends. It is clear that this is easier. Living with feelings is irresponsible, but that is what attracts many.

A fragment from the series «Sex and the City»: Samantha decided to have an affair with a rich man. He gave her VERY expensive gifts, but when she saw him naked, Samantha CHANGED her mind and ran away (well, with gifts). Actually, it’s a scam, but since she did it without thinking, but in feelings, then there are no ethical claims against her, as it were. Well, what do you want from a woman in feelings? — Yes, it is convenient to live with feelings, because you can throw out of your head considerations of responsibility and ethics.

Those who do not turn on their heads and live by feelings are more likely to get into conflicts and other troubles, and if they have at least some reason, with age, understanding comes: “thinking is useful.” However, modern life is arranged in such a way that it is quite possible to live your life without including your head, in difficult situations you can just cry, and in very difficult situations, kind relatives and social services will always help. The only question is — do you yourself want to live next to such a person? Will you teach this to your children?

Respect and appreciate the mind, live with your head. Learn to think, turn to the mind more often — both to your own mind and to the mind of the people around you. Does this mean that you need to live without emotions? Of course not! Only distinguish between left and right emotionality. Indeed, there is impressionability and impulsive response, but there is the strength of temperament and emotional expressiveness. The tendency to splash out feelings, impressionability and impulsive response is rather a problematic feature and a bad habit that makes people worry in vain, make stupid purchases and make decisions that both the person himself and those around him will regret. This is leftist emotion. On the other hand, high energy of emotions, expressive gestures and strength of temperament are a useful tool and a successful personality trait, since they are easily combined with the rationality of decisions and behavior. This is the right emotionality, it is joyful, useful and excellent.

Smart people paint life with emotions, but in a decision-making situation they know how to push emotions aside and turn to reason.

If your emotions match what you came up with with your head, great, turn on your emotions. If emotions contradict the head, remove them. It is not obvious that you will always come up with the best decisions with your head, but this will not mean that you need to live with feelings, but that you need to become a more educated person and learn to think better.