How to live according to external guidelines and what to do with your own egoism?
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An adequate person is one who corresponds to the circumstances of life and the expectations of people. Note that this is all outside the person, everything is external. If you want to be an adequate person, learn to live according to external guidelines, the synton approach tells us.
Many honest, sincere and decent people do not want anything bad, but regularly cause unpleasant experiences to loved ones. Why? Precisely because he lives — internally, focuses on internal messages — on his inner feelings and sensations, on his desires.
I wanted to convey my anxiety, it turned out to be pressure. To prevent this from happening again, listen to your intonations, how they sound from the outside. She spoke from the heart, but came out — obsession. Why? She didn’t look at herself. He spoke from the heart — threw out a bunch of reproaches, spoiled the relationship. Think about what and how you say. Learn to look at your words, intonations through the eyes of others.
It is clear that in the landmarks you should be legible. Orientation to external landmarks indiscriminately is already lack of will, field behavior. The desire to please everyone and everyone is a neurosis. And your task is to choose the highest quality benchmarks for yourself and be equal to them.
When you are talking, your attention should be only on the interlocutor: unless, of course, this is a person respected by you. The eyes are on it, the soul is in it. When you talk, catch the expression in the eyes of the interlocutor, because they will tell you as accurately as possible whether what you said falls on his (or her) soul. As soon as you plunged into yourself, as soon as you turned your eyes aside and began to swim in your feelings, you lost the interlocutor and the main landmarks. Before the conversation, in preparation for the conversations, you can be inside yourself. During the conversation — you have to be there, outside. Only then will you see and feel that it is possible to say this, but it is not. There is still more to be added, but here it is time to finish. Here the man thought, and here he was delighted. You speak for a man, so you must be in him. Outside yourself.
If your hands are on the steering wheel and you are driving your beautiful, light and powerful car on a wide highway, you almost always want to add speed. From the inside, you want. However, it is correct to observe the speed limit. Be a civilized person, follow the rules. “Driver, take your time, they are waiting for you at home” — this contradicts the inner desire, but corresponds to the objective statistics of road accidents.
A person who lives according to external guidelines is looking for objective indicators in everything. It’s time for dinner, you sit down at the table — steaming borscht says: «Tasty!», ruddy cutlets attract attention, fragrant coffee with a sweet cake promises a complete bounty. Yeah. Translate this into external indicators: what is the volume of this food, what is its composition and compatibility of products. Would your doctor recommend this? So many? In front of his eyes, you are and will eat so much? You won’t. So make other decisions.
What you want is the natural beginning of your life, but your desires will come true only when you turn them into plans and start following your plans. Desire is internal. The plan is external. Live your inner life, always checking it with external landmarks — those that you have deliberately chosen yourself.
The easiest way to organize yourself is to imagine next to you an adult, efficient and responsible person who observes my life from the side, sees everything and who cannot lie. To create for yourself an Inner Boss, in whose face you will live your worthy life. The Inner Boss will stop you when you are suddenly about to do nonsense, tell you how to build your day and what exactly you need to do right now.
Outside, from the side — more visible!