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Good manners are not an empty formality, but a manifestation of politeness and kindness towards other people. Grandma Liv Tyler, founder of the New York School of Protocol, shares etiquette and teaches… how to swear.
“At that time I was a real tomboy with scratches on my knees and a loud voice,” says Liv Tyler. My attention didn’t stay on anything for long. But my grandmother and I had a funny tradition: we had a “bachelorette party”. Grandma laid out her blouse and skirt on the bed and talked about how important it is to take care of ourselves, about how we present ourselves to the world. That good manners are kindness to other people, so that others can be easy with you. There was something unique about the way she did it. She was an incredible teacher because I didn’t even know my grandmother was teaching me. But somehow I learned her lessons and never forgot. When we spent time together, I noticed that my grandmother was not like everyone else: she had natural grace, a genuine passion for new knowledge and incredible wisdom. I noticed that her courtesy to people always caused a “chain reaction”, and people in turn addressed her with respect and kindness. It seemed that her behavior brought out the best in them. Grandma used to tell me, “Liv, baby, always take the high road because there are too many people on the low road.”
About the ability to listen
Alas, due to the passion for communication on the Internet, many now do not know how to get the most out of a personal conversation. Yes, we all have two ears, but this does not mean that we use them. Since our brains process information much faster than most people say, our attention is scattered. We mentally connect snatches of conversation with our memories, ponder some ideas, reacting to what was said. That is why self-discipline is needed to listen to others and hear exactly what they are saying. Showing respect and interest in those you meet while maintaining an amiable tone is the most important goal of dating.
Never do not finish the sentence for your interlocutor. You may think that you are helping him and showing that you have listened, but at the same time you appear rude and impatient.
Never while talking, do not look around the room. By this you will show that you are bored and the person with whom you communicate is not interesting to you.
Required conduct a conversation so that your interlocutor speaks longer than you.
Never don’t monopolize the conversation. Do not brag about your intelligence, luck and success.
Required follow the conversation as it comes to an end. Don’t forget to add some nice words. A successful conversation is always a beginning, a middle, and an end.
Required end the conversation politely, no matter how bored you are. Shake the other person’s hand and say, “It was nice talking to you” or “It was nice to meet you.” Don’t just step aside.
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- Relations with men: what my grandmother advised me
Lesson “ice cream on the head”
“I was 7 years old when my grandparents took me to a new Mexican restaurant. We were finishing our meal when the waiter hurried back to our table to bring dessert. And then he suddenly lost his balance, the tray on his shoulder swayed, and three servings of ice-cold ice cream were on my head. I was horrified, and this is the least that can be said.
I remember very well how my grandmother handled the situation. She took care of me, but at the same time remained calm and just as elegant. When I cried, she looked into my eyes and said, “Liv, baby, you’re okay.” Then she turned to the waiter and said, “It’s okay, it was an accident.” He fussed, apologized non-stop. Grandmother repeated: “It was an accident. It happens”. And she even thanked him for helping me get my head in order.
The way she behaved was very important. People are sometimes very rude if someone makes a mistake. Of course, I was then confused and a little scared, but I sympathized with the waiter, because he must have been terribly upset.
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- Are we raising sociable children?
What is “diplomatic disagreement”
In a conversation, after a disagreement, there is often a tense pause. This is because many people do not know how to express disagreement politely. Some will stubbornly stand their ground, claiming they are right. Others lash out at the interlocutor, claiming that he lacks information or that he is simply stupid. And then such people are surprised that the conversation did not take place. But a conversation is not a debate.
Disagreements happen, sometimes they are even interesting. Differences of opinion do not mean that you cannot be friends or that you have nothing in common with this person. Calm down and take into account the fact that friends can only benefit if they add different thoughts and feelings to the relationship. They can make each other think. Here are some tips to help you keep your face straight and express your disagreement diplomatically.
- Required be honest and express your opinion, but do not present it as a fact. Start your sentence with “I think that…“. This is a diplomatic way of communication. You won’t sound like a know-it-all and you won’t offend anyone.
- Required listen to your interlocutor carefully and do not interrupt. Your interlocutor also has the right to express his opinion. If there is a reason in his words, admit it, even if you do not agree with him.
- Required explain why you think the other person is wrong, using the expressions “I don’t think so because…” or “I don’t think this is true because… “. This is a very polite way to let the other person know that they have a right to their opinion, but you do not agree with it.
- Required remain calm if the conversation gets heated up or takes a nasty turn, and try to end the conversation by saying, “I don’t think we should talk about this now. Let’s continue the discussion at a more appropriate time».
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- Never do not expect the interlocutor to agree with you immediately after you have shown your protest. Compromise will allow both of you to stay on top. Tell: “Now I understand what you meant, but of course you understand why I… “. In other cases, it will be enough for you to respect each other’s opinion and end the conversation. You can say: “I disagree but still consider you my friend».
- Never do not allow yourself to make judgmental remarks, such as: “I can’t believe you really think so!” or “That’s the most stupid thing I’ve ever heard” or “That’s funny.” Such remarks will only anger your interlocutor.
- Never do not seek support from other people to prove that you are right, and do not attack a group of one person.
- Never don’t respond sarcastically.
- Never don’t raise your voice.
- Never don’t take differences of opinion as a personal affront.
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“Diplomacy is just air,” Georges Clemenceau, a French statesman, was once told. He replied: “All etiquette is air. But car tires are inflated with the same air. Pay attention to how much it softens the shocks.
For more information, see the book by D. Johnson, L. Tyler “Don’t put your smartphone on the table” (Audrey, 2015).