Contents
We listen to each other half-heartedly, rush to express ourselves and do not give ourselves the trouble to delve into what they want to tell us. Result? At a minimum, we misunderstand or misunderstand the interlocutor, and at the maximum, we are poorly oriented in the world around us. Let’s try to learn the basics of effective listening.
A good listener will hear not only what was said, but also what the interlocutor kept silent about or told only partially. Such a listener not only pays attention to words, but also recognizes body language and notices inconsistencies between verbal and non-verbal messages.
For example, if someone says “I am happy with life” through gritted teeth or almost crying, we must understand that verbal and non-verbal messages do not converge, which means that the person is not saying what he thinks.
So, the ability to listen involves not only hearing, but also vision. A good listener adheres to 10 basic principles.
1. Don’t interrupt
Listen to the interlocutor, do not interrupt, do not finish the phrase for him. When he finishes, you can ask questions to make sure you understand each other.
2. Relax, tune in to listen
We are easily distracted by extraneous thoughts: what will be for lunch, when I need to leave to catch the train, whether it will rain … Try not to think about it and concentrate on the speaker.
3. Help the other person feel at ease
Let your counterpart know that you are listening and that you are interested. Nod or use an appropriate gesture or phrase to encourage him to continue talking.
Maintain eye contact, but don’t look too closely. Show that you heard and understood everything that was said.
4. Eliminate distractions
No need to mechanically draw on a piece of paper that came to hand, rustle papers, look out the window. Avoid unnecessary distractions. This behavior disrupts the listening process and signals to the speaker that the speaker is bored or distracted.
5. Show empathy
Try to understand the other person’s point of view. Look at the problem through his eyes. Let go of preconceived notions. With an open mind, we can truly empathize with the speaker.
If his opinion doesn’t match yours, wait a bit and come up with a counterargument, while remaining open to other people’s opinions and views.
6. Be patient
Even a long pause does not mean that the interlocutor has finished speaking. Sometimes it takes time to formulate thoughts and find a way to express them. Be patient and let the speaker continue at their convenience.
7. Try to remain impartial
Don’t let the other person’s annoying habits or behaviors distract you from what they’re saying. Everyone has their own way of communicating: some are nervous or shy, others wave their arms, others have a bright accent or dialect. Some walk back and forth while talking, while others stand still.
Concentrate on the words, try not to pay attention to the style of communication.
8. Listen to the tone
The volume and tone of voice can add a lot to what is being said. A good speaker uses them to grab the audience’s attention and highlight important points.
9. Listen to the general meaning, not individual words
It is important to see the whole picture, not just details. Perhaps this is the most difficult thing – to guess the general meaning of what was said, connecting different pieces of information. Concentration and the absence of distractions will help with this.
10. Watch for non-verbal messages
Gestures, facial expressions, eye movements are all important. We listen not only with our ears: our eyes are also involved in the process. It is important to constantly monitor the signs of non-verbal communication, this can give us additional information.