Contents
Listen with your eyes, the technique that helps improve relationships
Psychology
90% of a person’s success depends on their ability to relate to others. Antonio Moar tells what are the tools to strengthen ties
They say that with the passage of time friendships begin to be counted on the fingers of one hand. If in childhood the day of our birthday was full of colleagues, friends and other acquaintances, it is more than likely that in the following stages people will “fall” from our agenda. This is how the cycle of life works.
But considering that some are leaving, we also feel the need for others to enter. Antonio Moar, author of “The Little Book of Relationships” wrote this manual for all those who wish have healthier and more productive relationships, because we are undoubtedly social beings. «Relationships are the center of gravity of our life. We are one
relational and increasingly connected species. These ties define our day-to-day life and our future, and all our intense moments always have one or more people as the protagonist, ”says the doctor in Legal and Social Sciences.
It could be said that the first desire of the human being is to achieve happiness and success. However, these never come if we stay isolated. For strengthen ties with other people and that these relationships work, whether they are work or friendship, among others, you have to learn to have a good relationship with oneself; It is useless to get along with many if we do not understand ourselves or respect ourselves. «In the complex concept of happiness there is a capital relationship. It is none other than the one we all keep to ourselves. How I relate to myself is the first and fundamental interaction that we must take care of in order to become experts in «relacioning» », he clarifies.
Once this step is passed, it is time to learn to relate to the rest, because just as a good player cannot be without a good team, no one can achieve the long-awaited success without people to encourage or help us. Antonio Moar explains that professionally «we live and work in a shared environment, common. Technical skills and emotional skills have always had a specific weight in explaining success. I like to triangulate success with a third vertex: the relational competences. It is this vector that I think really makes the difference. How we lead, how we interact with our clients, with our colleagues… ».
Tools to improve relationships
Antonio Moar’s book gives the keys to make our relationships “much more profitable.” Although the author of “The Little Book of Relationships” proposes up to seven forms, instead he highlights five of them:
First, the Escucha conjunctive. «The one practiced by those who use the three copulative verbs in a relationship – to be, to be and to seem -: I am a person who listens, I am listening to you and it seems so».
«I call the second the actitud Maya-Angelou. This extraordinary writer used to say that humans forget what you said and what you did, but never how you made them feel. Let’s keep it in mind, ”he says.
La third tool on which he recommends reflecting is Open-Care: «We need to choose a correct balance between the investment we allocate to open new relational capital (open) and the one we decide to focus on taking care of what we already have (care).
La fourth tool What the author highlights is listen with your eyes. “We have all observed that nature has endowed us with two ears and a mouth. Indeed, to hear twice what we speak. Or, what is the same, speak half of what we hear. But, in addition to ears and mouth, we have two eyes through which we can generate a «visual hearing» as important or more than auditory ».
We have to value the words, interpret the gestures, emotions and listening to silences, because, as with music, they are part of communication. «You must bear in mind that when communicating with others you also emit that non-verbal part that the other person can receive and interpret. The good news is that while we are analyzing our interlocutor non-verbally, when we are trying to understand the content, intention and attitude of their message, we ourselves can emit positive signals, for example, a good level of confidence, that help them the other person to open up more or just relax and trust, entering a perfect communication symbiosis», He says.
The last one to sneak into the essentials is the «crime method‘, Which has nothing to do with committing murder. As Antonio Moar indicates, often in the pursuit of a result we worry about selecting those factors that are very documents, but we forget others that are even more decisive: critics. «The difference between the two is that some add and others multiply. Sometimes we even waste time and effort with certain factors that, if we analyze them in depth, result misleading».
This method that he has created proposes to “separate and isolate” in these three specific packages those levers or factors that affect our objective. «When we have few resources it is necessary to focus on the critical. This separation is extremely useful when you use it to understand the other’s crime. What is critical for him? What does the other really want? This approach will allow us to add much more value to our relationships.
He proposes to open another avenue and do an exercise that he calls “the exercise of crime.” It consists of drawing a box with three sections, where we will deposit different factors:
— CR box. The critical. Within this first window we will put, with respect to an objective that we have set, those factors, those levers or issues, that are absolutely critical for the achievement of the objective.
IM box. The important. “In the second window we will put the aspects that are very important, but are not critical.”
EN box. The misleading. “In this third window we will put those factors that are misleading, that we believe are important or critical, but they are not and cause us to lose time, money or resources, and that will not be productive with respect to the effort we make.”
«This analysis«criminal»Allows us to fit our objectives. I have always thought that most of the time we did not achieve what we set out to do because we did not organize this box well and we have mixed concepts », he says.