Breaking up with a partner today is easier than ever: religion no longer binds us hand and foot, society does not care, the responsibility is only on our shoulders. But where is the guarantee that the new relationship will be better? Psychologists of the English project «School of Life» have compiled a list of questions that will help you decide whether to leave or stay.
Most people find it difficult to make decisions about a breakup. Every day, millions of people around the world, secretly from their partners, are considering this issue. At the same time, they continue to live a normal life, and partners, most likely, are unaware of their torment. We expect relationships to bring happiness 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. And these expectations make us wonder: is it okay to feel disappointed at least once in a while? Or have we chosen the wrong partner and we need to break up with him as soon as possible? The perception of relationships is influenced by a huge number of factors: movies watched, novels read, relationships of friends.
Previous generations were prevented from parting by rigid external constraints. Religion insisted: God blesses the union and is angry if it falls apart. Society condemned divorce and punished both parties with decades of shame. Psychologists explained that the divorce of parents inflicts deep and incurable trauma on children.
But one by one, the restrictions practically disappeared. Religion no longer intimidates us, society does not care about divorce, and psychologists say that it is easier for children to survive the separation of their parents than to live in an unhappy family. The burden of choice is now ours alone. A list of questions will help you make the right decision. It is somewhat reminiscent of the game «Devil’s Advocate», when participants are asked to defend the opposite point of view. Use this checklist as you guide your internal dialogue.
1. Do you feel unhappy with this particular partner, or is this always the case with close intimacy with others? By not answering this question now, you run the risk of finding it out empirically many years later, meeting and parting with other partners.
2. In many ways, the partner is probably to blame. But didn’t you provoke the controversy yourself? Maybe it’s not so easy to get along with you?
3. Remember what traits annoyed you in previous partners. Are all of them inherent in your current partner? Perhaps there is something that distinguishes him from the rest.
4. If you are passionate about someone else, try to get to know them better. What is this person?
5. Try to estimate your chances. How many sexually active, smart and free people can you potentially meet?
Are you ready to choose hope over experience?
6. Talk to your partner again, without accusing him of lies and hypocrisy. Tell how you feel, explain what upsets you.
7. Imagine how you would feel if you were a child: now he will have two bedrooms, a stepfather, a stepmother, and possibly several half-siblings. Is it better or worse than what it is now?
8. If you are not satisfied with your sex life, think about it, could it be otherwise after so many years of marriage? What do I need to do?
9. Ask yourself, are you willing to take the risk and end up with nothing? You may not be too happy now, but what lies ahead for you? Are you ready to choose hope over experience?
If, after answering the questions honestly, you want to leave, leave.
Source: The Huffington Post.