Lingerie, our personal barometer

These garments are the first to be put on and the last to be taken off. A few square centimeters of fabric says a lot about our relationship with our bodies, our sexuality, our history, and how confident we are. “You can consider underwear as our barometer, which shows us what psychological state we are in, what our sex life is like and how we see ourselves at the moment,” says psychoanalyst Isabel Korolitski. Underwear reconnects us with the memories and feelings of our childhood, often unconscious. It tells about the attitude towards femininity, motherhood and sexuality. An intimate barometer, underwear is also associated for us with the passage of time, with symbolic stages, it reflects any change in our body and mood: pregnancy, menstruation, weight loss or gain. But do not rush to conclusions. “Sometimes seductive lace hides a lack of sexuality, while minimalistic plain lingerie can indicate self-confidence and a flourishing sex life,” the psychoanalyst continues. “It all depends on the meaning that we give it, on the state of mind in which we choose and wear it.” On some days underwear can serve a narcissistic function, compensatory or healing, on others it becomes just clothing, pleasant or sexy, but nothing more. It’s a matter of mood.

“I have two underwear drawers. In one – only the most simple black and white things. In the other, there is an abundance of a variety of models, from a fuchsia-colored tanga to a beige corset, as well as a mass of color sets with and without a pattern. The second box is for playing. Linen from the first I wear during menstruation or intensive work. But as soon as I have time for myself, I start playing with images, using the entire arsenal of the second box. I would never be able to wear anyhow, scattered sets or underwear made of stretched fabric. It seems to me that then my world would be disharmonious: “messy” under clothes would be a betrayal of the fresh image that others see.

Lingerie speaks about our sexuality. Or rather, reflects our sexual freedom, our desire. It says that we are open or, on the contrary, focused on ourselves. Anna’s story reflects this duality: the drawer of ordinary things is for functional use, while the other is for seduction. This physical separation of underwear speaks of the desire of the heroine to control her sexuality, to curb her desire. This is how Anna’s words can be interpreted that she could not wear unpaired sets and stretched underwear, that is, she would not tolerate imperfection, something that does not correspond to the image that she seeks to create. Bottom and top that do not match each other, as well as stains, stretch marks and other damage to the fabric are associated with dirt, the heroine uses the word “mess”. And the body, from her point of view, should be impeccable, in clothes or without, it should remain fresh and “presentable”. When talking about her beautiful lingerie, she uses the word “play”, thus associating sexuality and role-playing. This means that she is not ready to succumb to her desire, but seeks to keep it under control.

“Three years ago I weighed 25 kg more. I hid, hated myself and wore slim panties, which I bought online, because I was ashamed to pay for this horror in public at the checkout. When I finally reached the weight that my nutritionist and I had planned, I gave myself a gift: I bought several sets of beautiful silk underwear. I didn’t realize it right away, but the very fact that I was holding these little pieces of elegant fabric in my hands, putting them on myself, helped me get comfortable in my new body. I repeated this ritual every day for months: I dressed in front of a large floor-length mirror. Since then, it has become my secret pleasure: beautiful underwear under my usual uniform – jeans and a shirt.

Underwear can also restore our self-esteem, teach us to love ourselves. This is exactly what happened to Natasha. Thanks to the new elegant sets, she realized that there are no longer those sizes that caused her so much suffering and caused her burning self-hatred. Trying on things in front of the mirror that she could only wear yesterday in her dreams, she enjoys like a little girl. The changed body became a source of pleasure. Natasha decorates him with beautiful underwear, as if to end the past forever.

Thanks to underwear, she can again, and perhaps for the first time, feel sympathy or even love for herself. Natasha still wears a “uniform”, jeans and a shirt, but under it, global changes are taking place. She begins to look at herself as a charming woman and therefore can allow herself to be liked, which was impossible for her while she was full. Lingerie helps her to make this symbolic transition and turn in her own eyes into a woman who feels desire and desire. It is as if she appropriates her own body: a mandatory step in order to then meet with the body of another.

“During menopause, I had a tummy and my skin stretched. I have never been crazy about beautiful underwear, but since my body has changed, instead of compensating for losses with sophisticated silk sets, on the contrary, I have become even more ascetic. Now I only wear black high-waisted panties and non-foam bras. My husband recently remarked that I could wear something a little less “harsh”. I honestly tried: I bought a small tanga and a lilac lace bra, but I feel uncomfortable in them. Feeling like feminine coquettish lingerie only emphasizes my age and figure flaws. It’s like I said goodbye to my past body, to my youth.”

Lingerie can become a symbol of transition. Menopause is an important period, it marks the end of fertility, but many also perceive it as the end of femininity and, in fact, the end of fleeting life. As if only the youth of the body gives the right to desire and pleasure. Sylvia mourns her figure and perceives the new stage of life as a time of loss. Lace and bright colors are for those who want to seduce, and ascetic lingerie is for those who think that desires are over. From now on, she chooses simple things that her husband finds “harsh.” Severe, like a refusal, like a punishment… Not considering herself worthy of desire, she forbids another to desire her. The heroine’s lingerie symbolizes this double rejection. In fact, it is not necessary to choose other underwear, but it would be good to reconsider your beliefs: only youth is desirable. By believing that this is not the case, by accepting her right to sensuality, Sylvia could rediscover her own sexuality and accept her husband’s desire. Whatever underwear she chooses.

“I gave birth 4 months ago and start living again. I could no longer see my shapeless body, huge breasts, belly … In vain, my husband kept saying that I had never been so beautiful and sensual, I did not believe him. So as soon as I got back in shape, I threw out all my old underwear and bought colorful lace shorts and bras. This is me, who used to wear only black! I get great pleasure when I put on new underwear and see myself in it. Every morning is my little holiday.”

Underwear reflects our attitude towards motherhood. During pregnancy, you can wear briefs that cover the stomach, thereby emphasizing its value, or more seductive underwear, which indicates that the woman has accepted the changes that have occurred to her body. But not everyone decides to accept these two statuses at the same time. In Larisa’s story, the division is obvious. For reasons that go back to her story, while carrying a child, she suffered, perceiving pregnancy as a deformation of the body. She felt a vital need to return to her usual graceful figure. But now, when the child was born, she can fully enjoy motherhood. Having bought colorful underwear, although she had previously worn only black, she was able to feel harmony again, feeling like an attractive woman and mother at the same time.