If a strong person is convinced that the pain will never go away, it will never go away.
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There are beliefs that limit us, slowing us down in life, and there are liberating, helping ones. Examples of limiting beliefs: “I can’t do it!”, “I can’t…”, “Happiness in life is unattainable”, “My pain will never go away!” and similar.
Sometimes there is nothing behind our limiting beliefs other than the habit of thinking that way. Many people, in principle, do not think often, and if something once occurred to him, it remains there for years without an inventory. Of course, this is not the case, and it is useful to review your principles, beliefs and beliefs from time to time.
It is difficult to say whether limiting beliefs are useful, but it is certain that most often they interfere with us. How can you get rid of them? How to replace limiting beliefs with liberating ones?
To get rid of limiting beliefs, you need to “catch” these beliefs and “shake” them, remove the foundations and benefits that stand behind them (It is this work that forms the main content of Aaron Beck’s cognitive therapy and A. Ellis’s rational-emotional-behavioral therapy ). Most often this is helped by meetings and conversations with other smart people who can always be surprised and ask “naive” questions: “Why, actually? Why are you convinced that this is so? Learn not to shrug off such questions, replace your habit of objecting and dismissing with the habit of listening and hearing your interlocutor (the Total Yes technique) — and you will definitely start to get smarter faster.
However, more often, limiting beliefs are not only arguments, not so much rational justifications, but certain internal benefits. Therefore, the analysis of rational grounds usually needs to be supplemented (and sometimes quite appropriately replaced) with the question: “Why do you need this? Why do you need to believe it?»
Having doubts about your limiting beliefs is a great thing, but it’s usually only half the battle. Doubts have taken the place of “impossible” beliefs, but you can live with doubts for a long time, and living with doubts is also not very productive. Following doubts is important make a decisionthat you don’t need this belief. Or — that it has no absolute force, that it is useful in certain situations and inappropriate in others.
Even if a person has abandoned one limiting belief, this does not mean that he has put an adequate belief in its place: in place of one stupidity, people often put another stupidity, just with the opposite sign. How to formulate competent liberating beliefs is a separate conversation.
In any case, when offering a person to get rid of something, you should immediately offer something for this vacant place. People do not like to lose something, people like to gain something for themselves. It is always better to get rid of limiting beliefs if a person instead of them finds new, liberating and inspiring beliefs.
To accept liberating beliefs so that they become inner truth? Need:
- internally agree with them (rational work),
- repeat them to yourself for reminder and habituation,
- make sure that there is no functional or anatomical negativity that prevents the adoption of the necessary beliefs.
If your face habitually says with wrinkles on your forehead that happiness in life is unattainable, then your intellectual work on the topic “I will succeed!” and «Happiness is» can go to waste. Fix your face!