Likes or uses? 15 signs of an unhealthy relationship

“We are not always able to pick up on the red flags that help distinguish emotional hunger from love. And if you do not consider the threat in time, you can fall into the trap of flattery and imaginary promises, ”explains psychologist Laura Spalvieri. To be able to recognize these signals, you will have to work on yourself, learn to appreciate and love yourself.

Signs of emotional hunger

Partners who use you to meet their own needs can be recognized by the following signs.

1. At first they seem independent and reliable, but then they begin to demand undivided attention.
2. They do not respect your boundaries and principles, they do not consider your opinion.
3. They try to take full ownership of your time.
4. They listen to you with half an ear and are not interested in your desires.
5. They try to make you question your own feelings and beliefs.
6. They are demanding in bed and consider themselves consummate lovers. In fact, they need sex for self-affirmation.
7. They get angry or sulky if you don’t do what they want. They don’t want to draw conclusions.
8. They exhaust the soul, forcing you to admit that you are always and in everything to blame.
9. They have resorted to violence in the past and, apparently, are not going to change.
10. They abandoned their children, do not help them, do not meet with them.
11. They are not going to give up bad habits: smoking, drinking, drug addiction, gambling.
12. They are cunning: you have repeatedly caught them lying or trying to hide the truth.
13. They have practically no friends.
14. They constantly find fault with themselves and others.
15. They are not interested in anything.

This is not love

Emotional hunger has been described as “a strong emotional need, usually caused by a harsh upbringing.”

If a child grows up without love and affection, in adulthood this manifests itself in an irresistible need for emotional intimacy. To satisfy her, the neglected person clings to a romantic partner or even to their own children. The result is a psychologically exhausting relationship where energy is pulled from the victim.

Emotional hunger may look like love, but it literally destroys the one at whose expense the void is filled. Love is creative, while hunger is devastating and debilitating.

We often get it wrong, because emotional hunger also has a lot of passion and depth, especially at first. It would seem that the partner is exceptionally gentle and courteous, but next to him we do not feel joy, on the contrary, we waste strength and energy.

We will never make him happy, because it is simply impossible. If a partner does not work through his traumas himself, he will never know what love really is.