Reborn is a baby toy. It is made so naturalistic that it is indistinguishable from the living. Reborns were invented for children, but instead they attracted the attention of adults. Why? The systemic family psychotherapist Varvara Sidorova tells.
A reborn doll differs from a living baby in only one thing – absolute immobility. She does not move, does not breathe, and does not blink, but in everything else – in weight, height, smoothness of the skin, the gleam of her eyes – is indistinguishable from a real child. These dolls were invented for children – just as another entertaining toy to entertain the little ones. However, as it turned out, reborns are completely unsuitable for this purpose.
“Children don’t like such toys,” says psychotherapist Varvara Sidorova. — After all, it is impossible to play with them: to perform the required number of actions and manipulations, to fantasize, to invent. Naturalism and resemblance to a living child rather attract the attention of adults.
Playing with a newborn reborn, a woman receives in a homeopathic dose everything that she would receive from a real baby.
Reborns with their exaggerated naturalism, so similar to a living, but strangely and eeriely motionless baby, make many people dumbfounded and want to turn away. But there are people, and there are many of them, who value reborns precisely for their extreme resemblance to newborns and are ready to pay a lot of money for a doll.
“People acquire them in an effort to satisfy their desires. Some people want to nurse a child and take care of him, but for some reason they do not dare to have a living baby, while others themselves need warmth and care – and do with the doll what they would like to be done with them: they wrap, cradle, swing on the handles, nurse, ”says Varvara Sidorova.
Reborn can also be purchased by a woman who has not yet become a mother, but thinks a lot about it and “trying on” future motherhood. While playing, she will learn the skills of practical care and get used to the role of a mother. By the way, as a “simulator” reborns are used in groups preparing pregnant women for the birth of a baby.
Security and Predictability
Women play with reborns with pleasure, dress them up in beautiful clothes, feed them, cradle them and ride them in a stroller. They adore these “children”, who – oh, a miracle! – do not cry and do not make you get up at night … It turns out a convenient, pleasant and safe way to almost be a mother.
“It is really very attractive,” says Varvara Sidorova. – You can play with the doll and put it in the box. And living children require attention, responsibility, absorb resources, time and effort. Besides, children are forever. And reborns will never grow up, never change, never leave their mistress. Everything is safe and predictable. They will not say hurtful words, they will not hurt. There is no need to fear for them, there is nothing to expect from them. And in no situation can you feel like a bad mother.
On the other hand, why shouldn’t women play with other dolls, also cute and naturalistic, but not with babies? “In any games, there is an imitation of life and the training of certain experiences,” says Varvara Sidorova. – Playing with a newborn reborn, a woman receives in a homeopathic dose everything that she would receive from a real baby. She can gladly afford to be gentle and caring. In addition, a baby is touching tenderness, defenselessness, bows, lace, beauty … Therefore, caring for a baby always evokes pleasant emotions – tenderness, admiration. Receiving these experiences in a microdose, a woman makes up for some kind of internal deficit.
The entourage of such a game and the ability to create also has its own charm. A woman can create different babies with different characters, invent destinies and families for them. This occupation becomes something like writing stories or fairy tales, only not words are used, but material objects.
More than a game?
What if the game gets delayed? “People with emotional deficits need such a game, which can be replenished by taking care of the doll,” explains Varvara Sidorova. – If we are talking about reborns, then most often it is a lack of care, tenderness, security, tender admiration. Sometimes it’s a need to be respected and recognized as important as a caring mother.”
In this case, reborns can reduce the pressure of an unfulfilled need, but cannot fully satisfy it. At the same time, very often we are talking about people who experienced trauma in close relationships, often in early childhood, and for some reason this trauma was not healed. “Dolls in this case “anesthetize” deep despair, so familiar that the person himself no longer notices it. He just feels that after playing with the doll it becomes better, more pleasant, ”says the psychotherapist.
Over time, the passion for reborns will pass, and the woman will move into another category – a storyteller or a future mother.
That is why it is simply cruel to demand from a person that he immediately stop playing with an artificial reborn baby. How to take medicine from a patient or chalk from someone who lacks calcium. It shocks us, it is strange and embarrassing for us to watch these desperate attempts to make up for the lack, but the person receives relief from this. “Even if a person does not realize the depth of what is happening to him, he should not be deprived of the opportunity to play. From this, he will only become more unhappy, says the psychotherapist. “It’s better, without canceling the“ painkiller ”, to turn to a specialist in order to truly heal that spiritual wound that has remained inflamed and hurts.”
Imagine a woman pushing a baby stroller through the park. After all, she also asserts herself as a mother, reaps the fruits of the child’s attitude towards her as a mother, and this is exactly what she needs. What if she could get all the same, but in a different form? Most likely, over time, the passion for reborns will pass, and the woman will move into another category – a storyteller or a future mother, ready for a new stage of life.