Light at the end of the tunnel: making contact with ourselves in self-isolation

The coronavirus has changed our lives — almost everyone would probably agree with this statement today. Waking up in the morning, we do not know what will change in the evening. Will we keep our jobs? Will we leave the house on passes? What penalties will be imposed for those who violate the quarantine? All these questions swarm in the head, preventing us from sleeping peacefully.

“We don’t know where we are right now. How to survive – and, most importantly, what does it mean to “survive” when we are more prosperous, when we do not have a war, but a pandemic is on the verge? Dont clear. We turn to the history of our species, to evolutionary experience, but even there we cannot find answers and experience confusion, ”comments psychologist and somatic therapist Rufina Kashapova.

And yet it is clear that the world today is not the same as it was a month ago. “Companies have started laying off people, businesses are closing, the dollar has jumped … Everyone feels: life has changed. But we don’t talk about it!”

Silence, buy, deny …

Why do we try to avoid talking about what is happening? Why do we prefer to post humorous posts on social networks on this topic, instead of admitting our fear and powerlessness?

“For me, it’s a sign of stress. But this stress seems to occur at a level below our consciousness. We feel that a catastrophe is happening right before our eyes. We are watching her, but we can’t do anything,” the expert explains.

And this feeling of powerlessness, the lack of a “ready recipe” for action makes us turn to the experience of previous generations. When information appeared on the Internet about the first cases of the disease in our country, part of the population reacted instantly. Queues lined up in stores: people began to stock up. What happened to us at this moment?

“We turned on the mode of self-preservation, survival. We have a list of certain actions in our subcortex that help to maintain a sense of security. Buy buckwheat, soap, toilet paper, salt,” explains Rufina Kashapova. – This set was adequate for the beginning and middle of the twentieth century. This, of course, is good for retail chains: we unloaded their warehouses, enriched the producers of buckwheat, soap and toilet paper. But, in my opinion, such panic actions are completely inadequate to the conditions of the XNUMXst century.

Panic: why we are buying up buckwheat and toilet paper

There is no shortage, goods are produced in large volumes, there are online stores. In addition, if tomorrow one of us really gets sick and needs a medical mask, which is absolutely useless in other situations, he simply will not have anywhere to buy it.

In addition to those who ran to buy, there are also “covid dissidents” who, despite all the bans and warnings, continue to walk with their children, run, and visit elderly relatives. What does this behavior say?

“In psychology there is such a model – “Five stages of experiencing loss”, and denial is just the first of these stages. Being at this point, we seem to say to ourselves, without realizing it: “The world as I knew it is over, but I will pretend that this is not happening.” But the very denial suggests that a person understands that something is still happening! – explains Rufina Kashapova.

If we do our best to avoid thinking about the terrible and unpleasant, then we run the risk of encountering inexplicable reactions of our body. We used to think that all diseases are from the head, but this is not so. And the fact that we are not aware of the threat with the mind causes our body to turn on its own signaling system. “We kind of don’t notice body signals. And it is normal, alive, it wants to survive – and begins to react. The body gives out panic attacks, strange emotional reactions,” comments Rufina Kashapova. These signs are worth heeding!

What to do to survive this turbulence and save yourself? “Now more than ever, it’s important to take care of yourself. We all, and especially women, are used to being in total contact with others all the time, taking care of others, and we usually relax only at night.

And to prevent this from happening, it is necessary to set aside time, place, space to be alone with yourself, ”the psychologist recalls. And this is worth talking about in more detail. After all, if we know how to take care of others, then we usually think of ourselves last.

At the level of the body

Humanity has always had rituals that helped to survive stress, cope with losses and feel support. “Earlier, our society actively used songs and dances for such relaxation. People got together and did it together. This is not the case in today’s society. There are, of course, clubs, discos, but there is no way to relieve this tension.” And it is all the more problematic to organize such relaxation for ourselves now, when we are isolated in our apartments.

How can we today, especially in isolation, relieve stress on our own, reduce the degree of our experiences? Techniques belonging to specialists from different fields come to the rescue. The Somatic experiencing method, developed by psychologist and physiologist Peter Levin and designed to work with stress and traumatic situations, deserves special attention.

We know that animals in the wild are constantly under stress, but they endure them quite easily and do not suffer from psychosomatic diseases. Animals have a specific reaction to a threat: they freeze, and then choose a strategy of action – fight or flee. After the threat has passed, they arrange a relaxation for themselves: they shake themselves to “reset” the remnants of stress.

Everything is more difficult for people, especially in the current situation. Locked in our apartments, we cannot “escape” from quarantine. It is not clear how to deal with an epidemic that deprives us of work and income. And even more so, we cannot “shake ourselves” like a doe from a herd that has run away from a tiger: this is not in our habits either. Therefore, we suppress our reactions to the threat, preferring not to notice it, and this ultimately affects both the physical and mental state badly.

Peter Levin developed the SIBAM model as part of the Somatic experiencing method, which is designed to work with traumatic situations. This abbreviation includes the first letters of the English words sense, image, behavior, affect, meaning, that is, “feeling”, “image”, “behavior”, “affect” and “meaning”.

According to Lewin’s theory, work with any strong experience should take place at all levels of this system. We live any event by connecting sensations, imagining images associated with it, acting in some way, reacting to it emotionally and thinking about it.

“Most often we concentrate on the mind, not including other components, and this does not allow us to live the event to the end,” explains Rufina Kashapova. “Therefore, when we have some kind of amazing event in our lives, when we are faced with a strong experience, I suggest slowing down and remembering these five components.”

To take care of ourselves, we must first figure out what exactly is happening to us, and put it into words, call it by its name. To do this solely with the help of the mind, thought is extremely difficult. But our experiences, emotions, bodily sensations rush to the rescue.

Rufina Kashapova shares two author’s writing techniques based on the ideas of Peter Levine. They will help put your thoughts and feelings in order in a difficult moment.

1. State Change Technique

This technique helps us get in touch with ourselves and see how our sensations change. To do this, we need a sheet of paper, a pen and some free time.

How to do it:

1. We name our own state very clearly until it clicks – yes, that’s exactly what it is.

2. Describe your feelings here and now. Sadness, sadness, joy, delight, anger – there can be a whole ball of them. The larger the list, the less pure state we have.

3. Describe your feelings. If we simultaneously feel tension and anticipation, we find parts of the body where they “live”. For example, anticipation is in the chest, and tension is in the stomach.

4. Choose the strongest sensation and observe it for a while. We do not analyze, we do not think why it is with us. Good meditation on sensations. Thoughts can jump, but the main thing is that they pass by. Five minutes is enough, and sometimes two is enough.

For example, you are tense. By concentrating on the feeling of tension, you will gradually begin to notice how it diverges. Now I am safe and I understand that I have nothing to fear. I don’t have any reason to stress. I can just watch the tension, and it begins to ripple through the body, and this center begins to relax.

5. We look at how our sensations and feelings have changed after this short meditation, and write them down.

6. We listen to ourselves: has our condition changed? We fix our observations on this matter.

Feelings are constantly changing if we don’t cover them up with thoughts. And if we meditate on these sensations without trying to analyze them with the mind, then they begin to change, their sharpness decreases. And we can change our state by listening to emotions and bodily signals.

2. Technique “Presence here and now as the basis for decision-making and organizing life”

The practice described below leads us to decisions, with its help we literally draw up a plan of action. In this way we connect ourselves – internal, real – with the way we act.

How to do it:

1. We take a sheet of paper, lay it horizontally, draw it into two halves.

2. On the first half of the sheet, we fix our sensations, feelings, experiences. Not thoughts – this is very important!

3. On the second half of the sheet, we write down our thoughts, ideas, ideas and projects that come to mind in the course of how we describe our experiences.

You can fill in two columns at the same time. Practice will help us find a way out of a situation that seemed unsolvable.

For example, the following might appear in the first column: “I’m scared, I’m uncomfortable, I’m worried, I don’t sleep well.” In the second: “I’m worried because I didn’t have time to buy groceries and I don’t have much money left until the end of the week. So, now I need to think over an economical menu, cross out what can wait from the shopping list, and order delivery in the online store.

We may have many experiences right now. In a state of crisis, you can write even for an hour. And for someone, the task will take five minutes, and this will be quite enough to start acting.

Structure it!

Many find it difficult to listen and hear themselves. But this can be learned. “The period that we have to spend in quarantine is a very good time for such a task. By establishing deep contact with ourselves, we can truly connect with others and with the world, and act more effectively and adequately. Then we will be able to do a lot, because we will feel ourselves, we will feel confident and strong,” says Rufina Kashapova.

It is worth remembering that not all writing practices are useful when we are very worried. Thus, keeping a diary can drag us into chewing endless mental chewing gum and exacerbate suffering. “Therefore, I believe that the structure is especially important: it helps to orient oneself,” says Rufina Kashapova.

Why is structure so necessary for our equilibrium? It helps to avoid falling into a state of injury. “It can be the structure of knowledge, the organization of your day, your relationships, planning. If you think that you will redo everything chaotically, intuitively and everything will work out for you, it is possible, yes, but I would not hope for it. Even the most talented, creative people structure themselves and their activities. Otherwise, you get one brilliant work – and nothing more, ”explains the expert.

Today we need to be very attentive to ourselves – especially if we have a family, there are people who need to be taken care of. “If you don’t look at yourself at the time of the crisis, you don’t find the tools to take care of yourself, you can fall into trauma. And then we plunge into chaos, we begin to sow panic, to get others around. The only thing we can do in such a state is to shout “guard”, while becoming a burden both for ourselves and for others, ”the psychologist warns.

Everything flows, everything changes. From the fact that the world is now in a fever, we do not stop living, and slowing down is not the same as putting all our thoughts and experiences on pause. “We need time to learn how to be in touch with ourselves and with reality at the same time,” Rufina Kashapova is sure. Today we have this time – so let’s use it not only wisely, but also with feeling.