Life without resentment

Is it possible to live without resentment? — Yes, it is quite. If you are an adult, mentally healthy and educated person surrounded by the same beautiful people, you will not need insults and you will not face them yourself.

The basis of life without resentment is realistic expectations, a penchant for peaceful and reasonable resolution of issues, and contacts not with anyone, but with the same reasonable and well-mannered people.

So, realistic expectations: yes, you have to be realistic and not expect from people what they cannot give you.

Who told you that your loved ones will be tolerant of you from morning to evening? No, they get tired too, and they just don’t care about you.

Most grievances are the result of unrealistic expectations↑.

Another basis for life without offense is the ability and habit to resolve issues not by pressure, but peacefully, not by insults, but by requests and normal conversation.

Only children are slightly offended, because they still don’t know how to negotiate in a good way. Are you still a child?

Adult and successful people are not seriously offended by anyone, in interaction they prefer cooperation, and in difficult situations, instead of insults, they use negotiations and agree ↑.

However, if you live in an environment of not ideal, but real people, everything is more complicated, and in some situations a feeling of resentment can be socially acceptable and quite effective means of managing interpersonal relationships.

Some people really do not understand rational language well, preferring the language of emotions. Until you get offended by them, somehow everything is not enough for them, everything is not convincing … Well, sometimes you have to speak in a language that is accessible to them. You have to be offended. If it’s under your control and you understand when and why you’re doing it, that’s fine.

However, not everything depends only on the people themselves — a lot also depends on how relations are built between them. The more people understand each other’s expectations, there is a sense of justice and personal interest, the less resentment there is between people. Accordingly, the two main areas of getting rid of resentment are working with yourself and building reasonable relationships.

How to build relationships in the family, see→

How to teach yourself not to be offended, see →

Especially for girls

This text was written by a pupil of the school of female charm Emilia Goncharova:

In order to avoid resentment, you need to love your man, which means you need to take care of him and your relationship with him.As we clean in the house or in our closet, so in our relationships we need constant cleaning — when to just brush off the dust, and when to “generalize”.

I give an example. Here I come, I’m home from work and I don’t feel well — tired and wrapped up. And I understand for sure that now I just can’t be the sun at 100%. And I want to be loved and comforted now, I want my man to guess about this condition of mine, how I was doing, he brought slippers and poured tea. And if he doesn’t guess — that’s an “excellent” reason to be offended by such a “biscuit”, to pout his lips. So? Well, if I want to quarrel with my beloved and spoil my evening even more, then yes, that’s right.

And if I’m a smart girl, and I love my man, and I love myself, and I don’t want to spoil the evening, but I want to turn it into pleasure and relaxation, then I myself go up to the man and do exactly what I want him to do to me — I hug him, I say kind words. And after that I calmly report that I am very tired, I ask you to bring slippers and pour me tea. And that’s it. He likes to take care of me, and I feel good.

The main thing here, of course, before asking a man for help, is to see if he is busy at that moment with something very important of his own. And if he is busy, then do not distract him, and first help him — either by deed, or even by silence, and only then ask for help. And it seems to me that a normal man will never refuse a girl to a soft, timely voiced request. Especially if after that she is sincerely grateful to him.

As for the more important and serious “grievances”, such as forgetting the date of our meeting or my mother’s birthday, then it’s worth doing the so-called “general cleaning”. ) For example, it’s very cool to remind him in advance of an important date or a welcome gift. But here it is important to be gentle and not unobtrusive, as it were, by the way. “Today I saw such a cool ring in that shop near my work. Well, remember, my work is in house number 8, and this is the 9th house, the one opposite? Everything is always so beautiful there, I like everything there! Do you want tea with honey or sugar?” Or: “Oh, today is already August 21, how time flies! Listen, in a month we have an anniversary with you, well, wow! I’ve been looking at you for a whole year now and admiring you — well, what a man I got, huh! Well, all in the same vein. The main thing is not to overdo it. And, in the case of gifts, give the man at least three options, otherwise you never know, they will suddenly buy that ring. Well, if he still chooses something fourth (which is unlikely with your right approach), then you need to be ready for this and sincerely rejoice at the male present. Rejoice in the fact that I wanted to give something completely from myself, so that it’s quite a surprise)))) Well, after all, we don’t love our men for gifts, do we? And we love that they are so cool next to us! ))