Contents
A culture of calm help
Ekuan’s parents do not make sparing sounds when the child hurts. They’re waiting for him to get up and catch up with them, if that’s all it takes. In the event of a serious illness or injury, they do everything in their power to help him recover: they give medicines or resort to the services of a shaman, sometimes they sing day and night, referring to the evil spirits that have entered the body of the patient, but do not express any compassion for him. . The patient, to the best of his ability, tries to survive the disease and not disturb anyone unnecessarily.
Military people are not disposed to pity. And it helps them protect civilians.
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David, we know about your grief: Fima was a good-natured person. — You don’t need sympathy. I need the one who made it
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A XNUMX-year-old man was brought to me with gangrene on his big toe. By the light of a flashlight, I tried to stop her. The pain must have been tremendous. He did not resist my actions (I scraped the wound with a hunting knife) and cried uncontrollably in his wife’s lap. Like the boy’s mother, she was completely relaxed and did not empathize with her husband at all. She was simply with him, and he would bury his face in her stomach when the pain was especially unbearable, or turn his head from side to side in her lap, crying. At the same time, half the village was present, which, it seems to me, did not bother him at all, and he did not try to dramatize what was happening or hide his feelings.
Dropped a toy
Lasker’s situation
We’re going in the car. Parents are in front, behind me and Sasha in a child seat. Suddenly I hear: «Sob… whine.» And dad, without even turning around, says: “Lasker, Sasha dropped a toy, pick it up, please.”
Instead of the expected female: “Sasha, what happened to you? Why are you crying like that? — with compassionate intonations and eyes.
«Sob-sob» — can also be called «manipulative crying», but, probably, it is more accurate to consider it as a request for help in a language accessible to the child, because he hasn’t learned the words yet.
Sasha’s parents do not regret. He is NOT a victim, but the same person, only a little younger. And he gets plenty of attention and care.
Head on a hard table
Lasker’s situation
In the family of my friends, I repeatedly observed the following picture:
The cub (1 year 9 months old) played, ran from one room to another — from dad to guests and back. And suddenly he comes into the guest room and cries:
— Hhhhhhhh…
Dad looks out from the next room:
Sasha, why are you crying?
“It hurts,” Sasha replies, holding his head.
“He hit his head on the table,” I prompt.
— Sasha, show me where you hit?
Sasha points to her head, the crying subsides slightly.
— Come here, show me the place where you hit.
Sasha enters the room, looks around. He has no time to cry — he thinks, remembers. After a couple of seconds, he points to the edge of the table, touches it with his palm. He leaves calmly, continuing to stroke the bruised place.
“It’s not surprising,” my dad says to me already …
And I know that they pay attention to Sasha. But they never regret.
So this time — dad responded, helped to work on the error.
And the kid now knows that running as before under the table on foot will no longer work, otherwise “the table will hit the head — you will be a ballroom”.
And the situation itself from “I’m playing, it hurt me” turned into “I ran, I stumbled upon a hard table — it hurts”
The Story of Liberal Democrats and Conservatives
I asked the underage daughter of my friends what she would like to be when she grows up. She said that she would like to become the President of the United States of America someday. Both happy parents, liberal Democrats, who were present at the conversation, looked at each other with pride. I asked the girl: «Well, let’s say you become the President, what would you do first of all?»
She replied, «First of all, I would provide food and shelter for all the homeless.»
“Wonderful,” I agreed, “a very worthy goal! But it is not at all necessary to wait for the time when you become President. You can now begin to act in accordance with your plan. Come to my house, pull out the weeds in the garden, mow the grass in the lawn, sweep the yard, and I’ll pay you fifty dollars. Then you can go to the store near which one of the homeless is lying and give him your $ 50 to buy food or to save for the purchase of a future home.
She thought for a long time. Her mother looked at me so expressively that I do not undertake to interpret her look. In the end, the girl looked up and asked: “Then why didn’t this homeless person come to your house and do this work himself — then you would pay him directly and those 50 dollars?”
I replied: «Welcome to the ranks of the conservatives, daughter!»