A child’s lie can speak volumes: excessive demands, excessive prohibitions, fear of rejection, lack of attention, or the severity of family punishments.
Until 3-4 years old, children do not know how to lie at all. It does not even occur to them that they need to hide something from their parents. Closer to the age of 5, the child begins to analyze everything that is happening to him, to think about: “Why was I scolded today? How could this have been avoided? What can I do to prevent my parents from doing this anymore? ” He comes up with little tricks to get around all parental “no”. Trying to avoid punishment, the child tells a lie, and later, having received a portion of parental dissatisfaction for his lie, resorts to more and more sophisticated methods of deception.
Fear of parental punishment or screaming – this is the most common reason for children’s lies, but far from the only one. They also encourage the child to cheat:
- Lack of parental admiration. Children of those parents who dream of raising geniuses, young Olympians, etc. from their crumbs become liars. Moms and dads expect too much from a child, but he simply cannot justify these hopes. In order not to upset the parents, the baby begins to invent his own achievements. When approved, lies are blown up to universal proportions.
- A negative example of parents. Often adults themselves do not notice how they give the child a reason to lie. Communicating with other people, they can lie something, but the baby quickly notices this and begins to believe that a lie is, in principle, permissible.
- Improving self-esteem. Schoolchildren lie to improve their status and look better in the eyes of their classmates. They can boast that they have met a rock star, actor, or famous athlete, when in fact they did not. May exaggerate the wealth of the parents. If this happens only from time to time, you do not need to worry about it, as “superman games” are common for children. But if this is repeated regularly, then you need to seriously think about and find out why the child is dissatisfied with himself. Perhaps he is an outcast in the classroom, laughing at him and humiliating him.
- Establishing personal boundaries. Growing up, the child begins to desire more and more independence, personal space. If the parents try too hard to patronize and control him, then he begins to lie and be secretive. At the same time, children are often also rude, emphasizing their desire to be alone with themselves.
- Family problems. Problems in the family can also be the cause of children’s lies. In this case, theft and vandalism can be added to the lie. This often happens to children whose parents are considering divorce. With his negative behavior, the child tries to unite mom and dad at least for a while, albeit against himself.
Here are the basic rules for parents if they are faced with lies from their child.
1. Avoid any aggression, this also includes raising intonation.
2. Make comments about the action, not the personality of the child.
3. Show your child that their behavior makes you sad. Your genuine disappointment will punish the child enough.
4. Do not reinforce the child’s “role” of a deceiver, reminding and constantly suspecting him of something, everyone can correct themselves.
5. Set a good example – be honest yourself!
Know that nothing hurts children like injustice. So, no matter how obvious the child’s guilt may seem, remember: you can be wrong.
What if you see that the child is still lying?
- First of all, you need to find out why he does it. It is necessary to explain that it will be easier to find a way out of this situation if you honestly tell about everything. You need to help the child solve the problem, suggest how to do it. He is growing, he has no experience yet, he does not know how to get out of difficult situations, he walks blindly.
- Try to empathize instead of scolding. For example, a child gets a deuce. This is a blow to him. What are parents doing? They fall on the child. What is left for that to do? To lie that he does not have a deuce, to erase it in his diary – why tell parents about their difficulties at school when they react this way? Parents should empathize with their child, not swear. After all, when we have trouble at work, we also count on support. It is better to calmly talk to the child, find out what can be done to correct this deuce.
- If there are problems in the family, you should at least tell the child: “Listen, when we shout at you, we are wrong. Do not take it personally, in fact it is something that is not going well with us. ” This recognition will make the child feel better. It turns out that he is not the source of all troubles …
The parent needs to change his position – stop being a judge who makes sure that the child behaves well, but becomes a caregiver who supports and guides the child. There are a lot of judges outside the threshold of the house …