We say: «Children are our future.» And we often draw the conclusion from this that foolish children need to pass on their invaluable experience and teach those truths that have been revealed to us during our lives and which we greatly appreciate in ourselves. But is it worth it?
I sometimes hear from my parents: «At least expose your head to them.» Children rebel, find authorities in their environment. Well, they don’t understand that we want them well, are friends really dearer to them than their parents?! No, not more expensive. No matter how much time they spend in their companies, the authority of an adult is vital for them. The world of parents remains with us as part of our personality. So it will be with children. But they are inhabitants of another world, with a different culture, speech. They are changing the future. Their task is to create an image of themselves, their Personality, if possible. Sometimes it looks like a spirit of contradiction. But they need to live their lives, not ours. Our measurements don’t fit.
Teenagers are categorical. This is because they want to find Justice, they divide the world into white and black. And we do not notice the conformism, cynicism and lies of the adult world. It’s just our adaptation, it’s so natural … for us, but not for children who hear declarations of kindness and see double standards. They are eager to understand what awaits them in the future, but adults contradict themselves. And then the children are rude, take revenge on teachers or parents, poorly understanding the motives.
They test their relevance in love and friendship. And here real tragedies occur, not always visible to the world.
The loss of a friend, for example, or, as they say, «betrayal», but it seems to us — well, the companies were shuffled, so what. I knew a mother who dictated to her daughter in the evening what to say to her friends at school. Of course, this never worked out. Adult words only irritated classmates. They notice it right away.
Often parents demand not only good grades, they bring up «ideal» people: all shortcomings are subject to cruel eradication. Such parents are sincere: they treat themselves the same way! But, without realizing it, they demand that their children give up part of themselves.
But our negative emotions and qualities appeared for a reason. Anger, envy, laziness, the ability to manipulate — once we used all this to stand up for ourselves, to get out of a difficult situation. I ask parents to remember the times when all these feelings and actions helped them. This is a difficult exercise, it requires the utmost sincerity with yourself. I don’t want to remember what I want to forget. But we need to love ourselves for who we are, and not ideal. Then we’ll let the kids not be perfect. Let’s let them build their future.