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When we’re really upset about something, we don’t always want to talk about what happened. Sometimes we just need to be distracted and supported. And that’s why.
What to do if a friend, relative or just an acquaintance tells you that he is sad or that he is upset about something? There is no single correct answer to this question — everything is very individual and depends on the situation. Sometimes a person just needs to be listened to without judging, and he will feel that he is understood and supported. And it is far from always necessary to inquire about the causes of a bad mood.
In fact, for fear of unnecessary questions, many of us do not dare to talk to others about our problems. On the one hand, there is nothing wrong with asking questions: relatives simply care about us and want to help. On the other hand, this does not always help.
Talking about a problem is not the same as taking a step towards solving it.
Problems are questions or circumstances that require a solution, that is, it is understood that there is such a solution at all.
Life, however, often surprises us with unexpected situations that do not require us to look for solutions. All you have to do is accept reality as it is. And learn to live in new circumstances. Therefore, talking about what happened does not always help.
Much more important is to know that everything will be fine in the end, and our problems do not define us at all. In addition, when we are upset or anxious, we are often unable to think clearly and cannot find a way out of the situation, which means that talking about it, again, hardly helps.
Emotions directly affect our perception of the situation, which appears in a different light depending on whether we are happy or not.
What to Do When Someone Tells Us They’re Upset
To make the interlocutor feel better, it is not at all necessary to immediately offer him 125 solutions to the problem. What is the most important thing?
1. Don’t criticize him. At all
Saying, “Well, you knew it would end like this” or “You have no one to blame for what happened but yourself” is not the best solution. Most likely, the interlocutor already understands what he was wrong about (and perhaps even burns with shame), so do not aggravate. And he has the right to be sad and upset — as much as he needs.
2. Support him
A smile, hugs, watching a movie together — all this is often much more healing than any words. It is important for your friend to feel that he is not alone, and the world is not reduced to his problem alone. Let him know that you are there, and if necessary, help with something specific — for example, unload him from household chores.
3. Talk about his virtues
Perhaps right now your interlocutor sees everything in a black light. It seems to him that there will be no end to the problems. It’s time to remind him how wonderful he is, how many virtues he has, which will definitely help him cope with everything.
Also invite him to write a list of everything he is grateful for. Yes, under the circumstances it may not be easy, but such an exercise is very useful, and you can start even with the simplest, with the little things.
4. Ask what he needs now
Maybe right now he wants to be alone. Or speak up. Or listen to you and be distracted. But it is definitely important for him to know that, if necessary, you will be there.
Of course, this all sounds very obvious. And yet, these simple solutions really help to support someone who is really hurting. Show that you care.