“Let me invite you”

After forced isolation, we can again meet with friends and family. For many, this is a long-awaited joy, for which you want to prepare with a special mood. Where and how is the best time to meet?

The style of the invitation expresses both our personality and how we see those with whom we communicate. He says what we strive to look like in their eyes and what we expect from them in the future, experts say.

“Meeting for a meal is an intimate moment,” explains Olga Dolgopolova, a Gestalt therapist. “It is always an invitation to closer contact.” Sitting down together at the table, we open ourselves to our companions. As they are for us.

“It also carries some risk,” says sociologist Jean-Pierre Corbeau. – Objective (to eat at a party, we need to trust the host in matters of hygiene), psychological (by inviting, we reveal some part of our intimate life to another) or symbolic (the host feels “responsible” for the guest or becomes a little bit ” How is he”)”.

We asked our experts to decipher for us the five most popular types of invitation to a feast.

Picnic Trip: Get Closer

“My husband and I always invite impromptu,” says Christina, a cardiologist. – If the weather is good, we call friends and acquaintances and invite everyone out of town. We buy meat for barbecue, vegetables and herbs: they are easy to cook, and such an event brings everyone together.

I usually cook fairly simple dishes, this suits me better in terms of character. And we invite those who are somewhat similar to us, share our tastes.”

What does this mean

In this case, people tend mainly not to eat tasty food, but to spend time with pleasure in the company of each other.

“The main message in this situation is that we not only eat together, but we want to be united by some common idea,” says Olga Dolgopolova. “Someone makes a fire, someone plays ball, someone cooks a barbecue, but we belong to the same community.”

The element of spontaneity in such trips is also attractive: when we invite guests to share a meal with us like that, it is also an invitation to join our private life, to become a part of it.

“Meetings like this help to maintain mutual understanding,” adds Jean-Pierre Corbeau, “and on a personal level, they allow us to regain a sense of security, security, familiar to us from early childhood.”

It is also important that nature helps us to remove our habitual limitations. “Breakfast on the grass”, swimming, outdoor games help to feel freer, more spontaneous, adds Olga Dolgopolova. “That is why corporate holidays are often held in the format of picnics: on the one hand, we remain colleagues, but at the same time we can do without official clothes and not talk about business.”

Gourmet Dinner: Show Good Taste

“It is very important for me to treat guests well,” explains realtor Svetlana. — I always adapt the menu to their tastes and preferences, carefully think over the dinner program, try not to serve plentiful snacks if they are followed by a dense hot dish.

To come up with what I’m going to cook, I look at food magazines or websites, and get inspiration from restaurant menus.”

What does this mean

Cooking a gourmet dinner allows us to satisfy our need for attention, for being noticed, accepted, appreciated by others. In our hearts, of course, we expect that our efforts will be appreciated according to their merits.

“In this format of the feast, we prepare, thinking about others … to find a reason to talk about ourselves,” comments Jean-Pierre Corbeau. – The task is to show others your good taste and your culinary talents. The quality of the food and drink at this table serves as a conversation point and ultimately helps to create and maintain our social bonds.”

Another option is an invitation to a “no ceremony” home dinner, which implies the highest degree of intimacy between hosts and guests.

“A hearty dinner, which involves a static, relaxed atmosphere, carries a message: I trust you, I want to spend more than one hour with you,” says Olga Dolgopolova. “In order to digest such food, it takes a lot of time and effort – in doing so, we seem to deliberately limit our ability to act for the sake of sympathy for those gathered at the table.”

An invitation to a lavish feast implies: let’s feel comfortable and relaxed.

National Cuisine: Establish your individuality

“Lobio, Kuchmachi, Chakhokhbili, Pkhali – these names themselves are already appetizing! Until the age of 15, I lived with my parents in Tbilisi, – says the logistics manager Georgy, – and when I left Georgia, I could not get used to new tastes for a long time. And at some point I decided that the only way out was to learn the basics of cooking myself.

I don’t trust my wife to cook Georgian dishes: for many years I myself have been gathering friends for real feasts. Every time, it’s like I’m telling them about my childhood.”

What does this mean

Traditional dishes are a way to extend and perpetuate family memory. In addition, the national cuisine makes it possible for those who live far from their homeland to talk about it, about its culture, and thereby better acquaint others with it.

“For guests of a different nationality, such dinners can turn out to be a rite of passage akin to initiation: a symbolic connection to the “clan” occurs through the adoption of food,” says Jean-Pierre Corbeau.

“When treating others with a national dish, the owner first of all wants to tell them about his individuality,” continues Olga Dolgopolova. – And the guest, accepting the invitation, answers him: I am ready to respect your identity. By taking such a step, we expect that our distinctive features will be accepted by other people.

In addition, the national recipe expresses our need not only for self-identification, but also for recognition. Speaking warmly about the dish, the guests thereby speak about its author: this is only his show, his personal benefit.

Restaurant Invitation: Maintain Neutrality

“Inviting you to dinner at a restaurant is easier than going home: you don’t have to cook anything, you don’t have to think about anything,” says PR manager Tatyana. – Depending on what kind of relationship we have and what goals I want to achieve, I invite guests to a small nice restaurant or to a more sophisticated institution.

If I want to make dinner more intimate, I can invite home … but I order food from a ready-made meal delivery service. Thus, I can fully devote myself to table-talk.”

What does this mean

In search of the reasons for the popularity of restaurants, it is worth remembering such a basic human need as a sense of security, Olga Dolgopolova believes. “First of all, a restaurant is a neutral territory: we are surrounded by other people, and not our personal things from a personal space that can tell a lot about each of us. Such a meeting place perfectly satisfies our craving for safety.

“The restaurant excludes our personal participation, contribution to the preparation of dishes, which means that there is no symbolic meaning of “gifting” them to our companions,” adds Jean-Pierre Corbeau. “In such conditions, it is easier to maintain a minimum degree of intimacy, neutrality in relations.”

If we still invite friends to our place, but at the same time use the services of a delivery service or buy something tasty in good cooking, we seem to leave out both our abilities and weaknesses.

We do not “invest” in guests, even though by allowing them to enter our home, we agree to share some of our privacy with them.

Light snacks: “Taste” another

“An aperitif is good when you receive friends unexpectedly,” says Ekaterina, a Spanish teacher. — I cook it from what I have. For example, I serve canapés with slices of cheese and tomatoes, or, in the English style, I treat slices of fresh vegetables to be dipped in sauce, all with a glass of white wine.

I don’t put any bowls of chips, because hosting guests is still giving them a piece of myself. ”

What does this mean

An invitation for a cup of coffee, tea, or light snacks does not involve particularly close contact. The purpose of such a meeting is to get to know each other better, to understand whether we have a desire to get closer in the future or not.

At all times, spending time together over a cup of tea or a glass of wine marked the beginning of the development of relationships, made it possible to observe another person, form an opinion about him.

“Light food does not require a lot of energy for the digestive process, allowing us to stay active,” notes Olga Dolgopolova. “We remain mobile and continue to act together: for example, we can continue the evening with a walk or a joint trip to a nightclub.”

“In Europe, the custom of inviting people over for an aperitif appeared in the 1960s and is still a success today: this light format well expresses the dynamic spirit of our time,” says Jean-Pierre Corbeau. – Light snacks also change our social stereotypes, because we randomly eat salty, sweet, hot, cold …

And if sweet soda creates a pleasant feeling of a symbolic return to childhood, then wine liberates us, helps to create new and deepen old contacts.”