Lessons from Summer Breakups: Why Go to Kids Camp

The inability to retire, the indelicacy of children or adults – there are other reasons for children’s tears at the summer camp, but the main one is the absence of parents who can comfort and protect.

“I was homesick, for my things, for my parents, it was hard for me because I could not easily leave the camp. It was especially sad in the mornings: I got up long before getting up and went into the forest, launched boats in the stream and watched the squirrels,” recalls 32-year-old Boris.

“I missed my mom. But for some reason I understood that I had to endure it, not show it to anyone, including my mother, ”Evgenia, 30, echoes him.

In the camp, the child is forced to cope with a variety of situations. As, however, at school – only here he returns home in the evenings, where he can tell what happened and get help and advice.

“Children sometimes have to go through difficult and unpleasant moments, this can help them realize the imperfection of the world, understand that people and situations are different, sometimes negative,” says Marina Khazanova, a client-centered therapist.

In a sense, it may even be good that such experiences happen away from the parents, because they would most likely want to intervene. When they are not around, the child learns to face adversity in his own way, trust himself and remain himself.

“A summer breakup can be painful and at the same time become a stage in the development of a child,” continues Marina Khazanova. “After all, individuality is born from communication with one’s own experience.”

When sending your child to camp for the first time, try to determine how ready he is for separation. “The optimal age for such a trip is eight years old,” says developmental psychologist Galina Burmenskaya, “but the individual characteristics of the child should be taken into account. For sociable, contact children, a trip to a summer camp will be an important stage in growing up. And for those who are not too self-confident, touchy, such an experience can be disorienting, so it is better to postpone it to a later age.

accept separation

Summer camp for many is the first long separation from parents, their sad “loss”: the child learns to live without the care of mom and dad, away from their love. Let it be sad and lonely in the early days, especially in the evenings, but heart-to-heart talks or unrestrained laughter in the ward after lights out quickly become a kind of compensation for the usual mother’s kiss before bedtime.

“The child must survive this separation, and for this he needs to learn to act independently,” explains developmental psychologist Galina Burmenskaya. – Accepting the inevitability of parting, the child simultaneously opens a new world, new relationships. He can prove himself, try to live in his own way.

In previous years, there were two special joys associated with parents in pioneer camps: parental letters and “parents’ day.” Both that, and another was a surprise, a subject of hope and expectation. Many of us remember, like 29-year-old Lesya, “parental raids with pies, peaches and other goodies.”

Now the summer shifts have become shorter, depriving the meaning of “parent days”, mobile phones have replaced letters, but the joy of meeting after the shift remains.

“It was the thrill of coming home,” recalls 37-year-old Julia. “They are waiting for you with gifts and always with some special treat, and you take out your diplomas and medals – it was really great!”

The task of education is to help the child grow up, to separate from the parents. A trip to the camp in this respect provides unique opportunities. Firstly, the child realizes that his parents love him and think about him even at a distance. Secondly, having got used to being separated from them, he begins to regret … already about parting with new friends.

“Breaking up is the only thing that left me feeling sad,” admits 37-year-old Natalia. – Separation from parents when leaving for the camp, farewell to friends, when you need to return … We exchanged addresses, promised to meet – the sadness and joy of the meeting mixed, filling the whole soul!

start a relationship

Friendship for one summer, love without a future – the camp gives children the opportunity to experience fleeting, but no less strong feelings. And this first experience of personal relationships cannot but influence the development of personality.

“Every child needs deep communication with peers,” says Galina Burmenskaya. – In a good camp, joint classes allow children to get to know each other better. They not only get to know each other, but also can choose those who have the same tastes, aspirations, passions.

The main thing in these new relationships is that they arise away from their parents, completely free. And so what if the chosen one turns out to be not the most exemplary member of the squad! Choosing independently, the child is freed from the influence of parental judgments and opinions, “tests” his independence.

Adults should come to terms with the fact that not everything is under their control. Perhaps a son or daughter will eventually become disappointed in their own sympathies, but this choice helps them grow up.

Live in a team

The very fact of belonging to a collective, the need to live in accordance with its rules and laws, is initially perceived differently by different children. So, 27-year-old Irina recalls with pleasure how “I felt like a member of the team – I helped to come up with competitions, organize competitions and evenings,” and for 30-year-old Evgenia, her first summer pioneer detachment in her life seemed “some kind of random selection of strangers.”

“Communication in a children’s team allows the child to learn important truths from his own experience,” continues Marina Khazanova. If you want to live peacefully, don’t provoke others. Play by the rules if you accept them, or don’t play if you don’t like them. Keep your word and you will be respected. So the child independently learns to live among other people and build relationships with them.

Know how to take care of yourself

The child is not always ready to independently figure out how to behave in a new situation and get out of it without loss. Talk to him in advance about possible difficulties. The two most likely trials he will face are homesickness and conflict with other children. In both cases, your advice may be the main thing – to look for support in yourself.

“In a situation of conflict, when the child does not know what to do, perhaps he should move away from what is happening and start an“ internal ”conversation with someone from his family – with a family member, with whom he usually discusses his problems, – suggests Marina Khazanova. “By imagining what that person would say and how they would act, the child is likely to be able to better understand what is happening and will not feel helpless.”

“I was eight years old when I went to the camp for the first time,” recalls Yuliya, 37. – Roommates pulled out my bear and hid it. I was in despair, but I did not cry: I decided not to show that I was in pain. I mentally said goodbye to him, resigned myself to the fact that I would not see him again. It was painful, but effective. When these vermin saw that the loss did not hurt me, they themselves returned it to me. After this story, I have matured dramatically. I realized that I can protect myself.”

“In a summer camp, a child has to find a way out of various situations, while defending his own dignity and what is dear to him,” explains Marina Khazanova. “He learns to balance the wrong he has done with his response words or actions.”

Such tests give him a chance to learn to defend himself and evaluate his own strengths. A child who managed to get out of a difficult situation without the help of parents has a feeling of self-sufficiency and confidence. He will have great respect for himself and his boundaries.

Learn new communication patterns

Summer camp is the best place for children – especially teenagers – to learn to exchange opinions, argue, defend their point of view – between two trips into the river or during evening gatherings.

“Almost all my school holidays were spent in different camps,” recalls 40-year-old Veronica. – Of the counselors, of course, only the most beloved remained in my memory: Yura, who sang with us on the guitar, Marina, who led the drama club. And the rest … I just tried not to let them interfere with my life.”

“Those who were not leaders in school life have a chance here to get out of their usual role and assert themselves in communication,” Galina Burmenskaya believes. In relationships with new people, children often reveal themselves in a new capacity.

Not only with friends, but also with counselors – adults who are much closer to teenagers in age than their parents, and who, accordingly, are more suitable for the role of comrades. They can become one of the first positive and child-friendly behaviors outside of the family and school. But even if the counselor is far from ideal, relationships with him nevertheless help the child build himself.

Become independent

Yes, in the summer camp you have to get up on the forge, clean up the territory or be on duty in the squad – everything is not like at home. Comparing these two worlds, the child can take a look at how his ordinary home life goes.

At the same time, he will probably re-evaluate the fact that at home he has his own room, his own toys and a computer, a mother or grandmother who cooks better than cooks in a common dining room … But a child grows up precisely because there are no mothers and fathers next to you to make your bed or help pack your backpack.

The camp is a wonderful school of independence and responsibility. It is possible that upon their return, the parents will be able to evaluate its fruits: lo and behold, after dinner, the child, on his own initiative, cleared the dishes from the table!