When we fail at something, we usually blame ourselves for not trying hard enough. Or they didn’t want to. And generally lazy. But business coach Alexander Belanovsky is sure that this is not the case.
“Everything that we call laziness is actually the work of our unconscious,” explains business coach Alexander Belanovsky. So it saves our vital resources. And it protects us from results we don’t want.” An incorrectly set goal is one of the main reasons for our failure.
Sometimes we formulate our plans and aspirations, as in the old and well-known fairy tale: “Go there, I don’t know where, bring that, I don’t know what.” Or we set ourselves such a high bar that we unconsciously understand: it’s better not to start.” He proposes to divide the wrong goals into several types: too big, too small, vague and too detailed.
Learning to set tasks
“Community plans” our brain perceives as an unbearable burden. How? In six months to receive a salary 10 times more? Win a volleyball championship when it takes two packs of cigarettes a day? We understand that this is impossible, and instead of straining ourselves, we direct our efforts and time to other goals. Or we don’t do anything.
Minor goals: a man comes to a consultation with a business coach with an ordinary, at first glance, request: “Teach me how to earn more.” When asked by what amount it is necessary to increase income, he answers – “by 7000 rubles a month.” “Why exactly at 7000?” “You see, I have such a monthly loan payment.” Will this goal become worthy of attention for the unconscious? Unlikely.
It is not worth it. Vague and vague “projects” are the most common category of wishes. “I want to be healthy”, “I want to be happy”, “I want mutual understanding to reign in the family” … Our brain does not like abstract concepts, therefore it will consider that there is no task before it. He follows simple and understandable commands – drink half a glass of kefir every evening, sign up for a consultation with a business coach (or family therapist).
Too clear goals, well formulated and painted according to all the rules, are also in no hurry to come true for some reason. “I want a three-room apartment in such and such a district of Moscow, on such and such a street, on such and such a floor…”… Fantasies! But where is the plan of possible steps to achieve the goal?
Goal – step by step instructions
Alexander Belanovsky advises breaking down goals into questions that need to be addressed. Then the task execution plan will turn into a step-by-step instruction.
Those who want to find a new job will add to the list the item of studying self-presentation skills, making an appointment for an interview and collecting information about potential employers. A person who decides to improve his health will write in a notebook with a red line quitting smoking, daily hourly walks, gymnastics, or buying a map of the nearest fitness center.
Of course, this is just part of the list. The second task: to decide on the time, quantity and method of action. Otherwise, the goal will automatically turn into an incomprehensible one.
Start eating right? When? If it’s not urgent, then it doesn’t matter. Have more money? “Well, then you will find 500 rubles in your winter jacket. Or walk down the street and see a ruble on the sidewalk. From the point of view of your brain, the goal will be fulfilled – there is more money! Alexander Belanovsky warns. – Or you decided to lose weight, but have not decided how exactly you will do it. By drinking expired yogurt, you can lose a couple of extra pounds – but do you like this method?
A little about motivation
It is internal and external. Intrinsic motivation is easier to call the word “I want”, external – less pleasant “must”. Alexander Belanovsky is sure that, contrary to popular belief, external motivation is more effective than internal one – running away from trouble leads to results more often than striving for a reward.
“There is an old proven method that has been used by many commanders since ancient times,” he says. “It all started when the Trojan women, seeing that their husbands were ready to give up and accept defeat, burned the ships on which they were going to escape and leave their wives and children at the mercy of the winner. The Trojans had no choice but to win, to gnaw out victory with their teeth. Which they wanted to give up.”
In the absence of external incentives, it often seems to us that nothing will work out. Little effort, little time, few skills… But as soon as an external stimulus appears (in the form, for example, of deductions from the institute), the funds and opportunities suddenly turn out to be greater.