Contents
Psychology
Learn about the small changes that can help you feel better with yourself and with the people you live with in these difficult times
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We live in an exceptional situation that can affect us mentally and emotionally. We are fighting against the Coronavirus, Covid-19, a new, unknown and invisible enemy that we do not have the certainty that we can “control”. We know the guidelines to follow and this makes us feel pressure and a great responsibility. We tend to want to control everything in order to ensure survival from our primitive brain. And now when it seems that everything is collapsing, when uncertainty rears its head and there are no certainties we feel fear… And it is completely acceptable and natural.
A pandemic It is a traumatic event and the main cause of psychological distress is in not having freedom of movement. Now home is no longer a place of comfort and rest, it becomes the zone of confinement. Sharing these spaces without interruption has caused the increase in divorce figures in China. A situation like this can affect both positively and negatively the relationship of people living under the same roof. To minimize this impact, Zeneida Bernabé, an expert in suffering management and trained in emotional intelligence, meditation, mindfulness and coaching, proposes the following formulas. Some can be done as a team and others individually.
1. Establish agreements
Among adults, talk at length about straight, The difficulties and opportunities that this situation can provide. Contemplate the needs of each person with whom you live and the strengths that each person can contribute to cope with the situation.
Put in common the visions (yes, each person can see things in a different way), concerns, expectations about this situation. Take nothing for granted. Each one can experience this in a very different, very particular way. Even the way you deal with this situation could change over the days.
Reach explicit agreements about the tasks of each one, of the roles that each person can assume to contribute in the best way to this situation. And also establish short-term agreements and renegotiate them as you go.
And to put it into practice, define: tasks, things to do to facilitate coexistence and relationships; tasks things to do for the other, your partner, children and other family members; tasks for you and for you. Make sure you do one of each type of homework a day.
2. Make home
Take advantage of these days to do Home, to be casa. For this it is important to have certain structure, follow new routines that complement each other. These should include hygiene protocols and activities alone and in company, it is important to create an environment in which to feel protected and at ease.
It is advisable not to share the same space all the time and if that is not possible, each person can carry out different activities in the same room, for example one person reads while the other listens to music with headphones, giving themselves space and feeling comfortable in silence is essential.
Psychologists point out that doing practical activities like dance, exercise, to draw, touch some instrument or any handwork it can help keep discouragement and frustration from appearing. Having a passive attitude like watching series and television can negatively affect your mood in the long term.
To put it into practice: Plan an activity that is meaningful to everyone and do it regularly. Put all your soul when you realize it. Example: Dance for 15 minutes every day at 20:XNUMX p.m. after the applause in the afternoon.
3. Practice tolerance
To live in harmony is key Be flexible and put yourself in the place of the other. During the confinement more than ever you have to try to prioritize harmony instead of wanting to be right.
It is a new situation. Be open to the people you live with behaving in unexpected, different ways. We do not know what is going to be the best for each person, although it may seem obvious to our eyes, the truth is that we do not know what is best for each one. Don’t try to convince others, tell them what to do or blame them for doing things a certain way.
Practice “I don’t know.” Trust that person to do the best they can and know.
To put it into practice: If there is something that bothers you about the other, see where you can behave in the same way. For example, if you live with someone who is very disorganized and you have a hard time dealing with their mess, look where you are messy, maybe the folders on your computer, your underwear, that messy drawer on the dresser. This exercise will “bring you closer” to the person from total respect.
4. Protect privacy
Maybe spending a lot of time together and routine do not help to create spaces for privacy. You may ask yourself, am I being affectionate with the people I live with?
To put it into practice: Establish romantic dates or to share activities of common interest, meetings to cultivate intimacy, deep conversations, affection or sex.
5. Listen to the other
Be aware of what you convey with your words and actions to other people. Do not take things for granted and listen to the other with respect… In the face of disagreements, keep talking. Do not slam the door, but keep the communication channels open.
Listen to the children, ask them how they feel and hold them in their fear or emotion. Allow them to feel their emotions.
If you are transparent and open, you invite other people to be. Take good care of what you say. Go beyond words. For example, if you recriminate your partner or your roommate, see what feeling is behind that.
To put it into practice: Regularly establish a space for channels. First one person talks for 5 minutes and the other person just listens and says “thank you” at the end. Then the roles are swapped. It is about opening up and talking about how you are feeling those days without blaming the other for your feelings, it is about speaking from empathy, affection and responsibility.
6. Become your laboratory
Be aware of your internal dialogue. We have 60.000 thoughts a day, 80% are negative, 94% are repetitive. That is, our internal dialogue is riddled with negativity and repetition. It is significant that 98% of the concerns we have will never come to pass. Being aware of this dialogue is essential to be able to see reality from a less negative perspective.
Each filtering bag thinking give rise to emotions and from those emotions we act designing our future. When we are attached to stressful thoughts, when we believe them, we are not able to observe them, difficult emotions can take place (stress, anger, sadness or fear) and we act guided by that emotion reacting to that person or situation.
It is important to try to have mental stillness, this allows the sequence of thoughts to distance themselves from each other and there are moments of silence. We will have a less reactive attitude and will respond with more awareness.
To put it into practice: A simple meditation is to observe the flame of a lit candle and observe the breath and the thoughts and images that appear.
7. Allow yourself to feel what you feel
First you have to be willing to feel, this is the beginning of everything. If you refuse to feel fear, you will be in the avoidance of everything that would potentially make you connect, feel that fear. And this only creates stress and suffering. And this can be having a conversation, finding out what is happening. If you open yourself up to feeling that fear, then you radically change its meaning. From there you can do things and communicate with sincerity no matter that fear rears its head …
Open up to will to feelIf I open up to feel the pain, it will pass. If I resist experiencing it, it will cause me suffering. Don’t try to be okay all the time – acknowledge your emotions and express them – this will invite the other person to acknowledge theirs.
To put it into practice: Get into the habit of asking yourself “how am I feeling right now?” And give that emotion a name.
8. Stay in the present
Realize that when you anticipate circumstances, catastrophic images of the future come. Remember that 98% of worries never happen and do your best to stay in the present moment. Honor your present and your life now. See how each day is different.
To put it into practice: “Retrospective Meditation” is an effective exercise to initiate us in the knowledge of our mental world. It is a very ancient meditation practiced in various ways in many spiritual schools around the world.
9. Question your thoughts
Distinguish between the real and the imaginary. It is a meditative process to identify and question the thoughts that allows us to see if they are true or not. We assume that just thinking something means that it is true, and that is not the case. Reality is kinder than what we tell ourselves about it. That is, the internal story with which we explain the world to ourselves creates negative stories about reality that are not true and that make us suffer. By questioning the thoughts we obtain mental clarity and with it, the acceptance of what is happening. Accepting a fact or how a person is does not mean giving up, throwing in the towel. Acceptance gives us the opportunity to act from a more mature place allowing us to respond to what happens from our coherence instead of reacting to the projection of reality that my mind has elaborated.
Rejecting what happens places us in a place of victim and is, in itself, the greatest source of suffering. When I accept what is, I can be responsible for my part and stop suffering.
There are many theories that agree that living in the present and accepting reality is the key to happiness.
To put it into practice: Identify and question your thoughts with “The Work.” This method allows us, as Zeneida Bernabé explains, to make peace with everything, stop suffering and be available and open to whatever life brings.
10. Decide to get the most out of it
Decide that this experience can be a turning point in your life. In the end, your whole life revolves around your relationship with you and what no circumstance can take away from you is wanting to be in your own skin every morning when you wake up.
To put it into practice: Build an ideal vision of who you want to be during this quarantine, your highest ideal and follow it.
11. Make a virtue of necessity
Find a meaning for this in your life, connect with your spirit of improvement and value what you have.
To put it into practice: Write a gratitude journal. Train your mind to see the positive in front of you. Find three things to be thankful for each day. Reflect that you can thank the house where you live and the people you share with and the most special moments of that coexistence.
By following some of these recommendations, we can make this pandemic drive us to grow, be happy and appreciate the wonder of sharing our daily lives with the people we live with.