Experience sobers us: we have time to notice shortcomings before we give vent to feelings. On the other hand, today’s reality increases our expectations. After all, the choice is endlessly growing: in the field of goods and services, in entertainment and in communication.…
Why is it so hard to fall in love again? my recently divorced friend asked me desperately. And I can understand her: finding a soul mate, falling in love becomes more difficult with time. With divorces and romances, growing children and aging parents. Experience sobers us: we have time to notice shortcomings before we give vent to feelings. On the other hand, today’s reality increases our expectations. After all, the choice is endlessly growing: in the field of goods and services, in entertainment and in communication.
There is a feeling that it is possible, by comparing characteristics, price and quality, to choose the best — whether it be a mobile phone, a car or a new partner. Is it possible to put up with «incomplete equipment»? Yes, if you fall in love. But falling in love does not work: a vicious circle.
I think that striving for perfection is dangerous because it doesn’t exist as such. Having wasted a lot of time and effort, you can be disappointed not only in other people, but also in yourself: I am not sociable, not sexy, nobody needs me. And besides, our expectations have no limits! The more you seek and wait for someone, the more unattainable and ephemeral the object becomes.
Falling in love is possible — if we learn to accept what is good enough for us and value our own choice.
How, after all, to narrow the search down to one, quite real and living person and say: that’s it, the choice has been made? How to find the golden mean between reality and dream? How to reduce your maximalism? It seems to me that, first of all, we need to pay attention not to a potential partner, but to our ability to enjoy what we have in our life, what we have now. And learn to accept what is good enough for us.
Ask yourself: Am I perfect? If not, what right do I have to demand this from another person? I had to work a lot on myself in this sense. Even with the stable relationships that I have, I sometimes thought: what if I manage to find something better? This is where a simple test helps. Decide for yourself what are the three most important qualities you want to find in another? Not 15, but three! And, if a person has these qualities, tell me, why try to look for other 12 in him?
It is absolutely unproductive to compare yourself and your possible chosen one with other couples. Feel the satisfaction of your choice — it’s your choice! Try to understand why it is good, not bad. The tendency to notice the bad is historically developed in us very strongly: in order to survive, a person always had to wait for a catch. Well, now we can afford to relax and see the good.