Learn to play with your kids!

It all starts from birth – tickling and stroking, splashing in the bath and “a horned goat is coming” … “Children grow up playing: they explore the world, making discoveries every minute,” says Montessori teacher Elena Khiltunen.

“A game for a child is a way of knowing the world and oneself,” adds Alexandra Romanova, a psychologist and author of the Home Game Library project.

Little children need to discover the world for themselves. They absorb life without trying to remember. Therefore, it is important for adults to carefully observe the child’s play, to support his efforts – such is the price of his future independence.

Children 3-4 years old try to understand how the world works, get to know themselves and learn to make friends with their peers. “During the game, a special atmosphere of trust arises between all the participants,” Alexandra Romanova continues. “Parents are temporarily on an equal footing with their children.” This means that they have the opportunity – in the game, unobtrusively – to touch on any issues that concern their son or daughter, reduce children’s anxiety, and unravel conflicts.

For younger students, the game is like psychotherapy for adults. Constant reminders of imperfection can devalue the success of even the most diligent child.

And the game restores strength, allows you to experience victory, to feel skillful, active, competent. Adults do not have to be directly involved in it, but it is important to discuss with children their interests and talk about your own.

Time spent playing is never wasted. So, are you ready to get involved?

Play for real

In the game we can teach children:

– skills (drawing, using a hammer, swimming, cooking …);

– principles (team spirit, honesty, respect for the rules);

– attitude towards life (curiosity, taste for risk, perseverance).

But only if we ourselves are fluent in these skills and follow these principles. And if we are able to play for real, creatively, passionately.

“Organize the space for the game, allocate enough time, having determined in advance when it is time for lunch or study,” says Alexandra Romanova. Do not blame him for being distracted all the time, do not get angry because of the overturned paint. All pleasure will be spoiled as soon as you return to reality. Don’t cheat by letting the kids win all the time. They feel deceived, such a victory humiliates them.

For young children, choose games in which chance decides a lot, where participants do one thing in common.

Older children appreciate competition – for a boy there is no greater pleasure than to measure strength with his father and beat him in a computer game or on a tennis court.

Choose simple games

Never before has the market for games and toys been so diverse. But parents prefer the classics: educational games, Monopoly and Scrabble for older children. “They do this because they are sure that playing for pleasure is not serious,” says Alexandra Romanova. “And they want to not just play, but play with meaning.”

In order to grow and develop, children do not need special toys – what surrounds them is enough, according to the followers of Maria Montessori pedagogy (“Squatting Lessons”, Elena Khiltunen, Genesis, 2006).

“Offer your child simple items from everyday life: natural artifacts (cones, pebbles, shells), household items (spoons, bowls, clothespins). By studying them, children will slowly develop abstract thinking – compare, analyze, independently master color, shape, taste, quality, ”says Elena Khiltunen.

Everything that is lived independently develops the child much better than games with the stamp “educational”: they leave no room for maneuver and literally destroy imagination and fantasy.

Teach children to talk about what they are playing, explain the rules to you, or justify the strategy of the game. The child will begin to select the exact words, highlight cause-and-effect relationships, will learn to speak in such a way that he is understood.

Know how to stay away

It is good if the child can play alone. This means that he is not afraid of the unknown, he is not afraid of temporary setbacks, and he already knows that as a result of his efforts, pleasure awaits him.

In the game, children can show the most intimate emotions and sexual curiosity. They experience their aggressiveness and find peace by unconsciously acting out their fantasies.

“That is why parents should not interfere, even if the child “punishes” a teddy bear or arranges a love date for Barbie and Ken with all the details,” says Alexandra Romanova.

There are also provocations. For example, while playing, a child of 3-4 years old can “smoke”. Do not react violently, this will only spur his interest. “Try to understand why he needs this game,” the psychologist advises. – If a son or daughter returns to her more than once, most likely the child is trying to comprehend the situation that worries him. Do not encourage him to quickly switch to something else.

When a company of several children is playing, it is also wise to stay away, especially if you are not invited. Although this does not mean that you cannot act as an arbitrator in a dispute or redistribute roles if one person is in charge, and the rest get bored.

Don’t force yourself

Should I play with children if I don’t like it? And what about the guilt that comes with just looking at a sandbox or a toy box?

Our experts are unanimous: no need to force yourself. Overcoming ourselves, we still play without pleasure, children feel this and lose interest themselves. In this case, it is better to take the child to the game library or children’s studio, where professionals play with the children, or invite the child’s friends to visit.

Alexandra Romanova advises telling the child directly that you do not like to play soldiers or mothers and daughters. At the same time, radical statements should be avoided: “I will never play with you”, “I don’t like to play at all”, “The game is boring”. And the feeling of guilt can be “put into action” by participating in the game indirectly.

Sew clothes for dolls, collect cones and sticks from the street, or complete a collection of magazines that your child likes to make him feel supported.

Some of us lack imagination and cannot imagine non-store games.

But you can play anything: cook breakfast together, compete to find the most mushrooms in the forest, play “cities” on the way from school… Find what you like yourself: remember your childhood or, on the contrary, start from your current hobbies .

Exercise, home performances and even gardening – all this is also a game, if you do it with pleasure, imagination and do not set yourself high pedagogical tasks.

Consider the age and interests of the child

Offer the child games in accordance with his age, psychomotor and emotional development. Do not forget that the main thing is that he feels pleasure.

Protect the preschooler from situations where he is sure to lose and will consider himself a failure.

Thus, in the family circle, it is better to avoid games that require knowledge or involve intellectual competition: in them, the elders have an advantage and there is a risk of undermining the self-esteem of the younger ones.

Outdoor games, creativity, modeling from building blocks to your own taste – vary the activities, this will develop the child’s competence at different levels and open up different worlds for him.

Don’t push too hard if he refuses. His pleasure is the main criterion for choosing classes. From time to time, offer to play something that you like yourself. “Don’t worry that you won’t succeed,” says Alexandra Romanova. “Just start playing and share the fun with your child.”

Come to terms with boredom

Is the child bored? Do not rush to entertain him: to be bored, as well as to play, children need to grow up. It is at such moments that they come up with something new, fantasize, learn to understand their desires. This is a good reason to think about yourself and “tame” yourself.

Boredom is the best prevention of breakdown. It also allows the child to realize that he has the inner resources to play alone. How else can he find out about this if his parents constantly turn to him, involve him in some kind of activity?

According to psychologist Daniel Marcelli, many of us ourselves experience a huge unconscious fear of emptiness – this fear pushes us frantically to fill life with something. Many have to learn again to live slowly, to slowly enjoy simple activities, to contemplate and teach this slowness and attentiveness to children.

In addition, some parents are embarrassed by bored, unoccupied children. “At such moments, the child is absolutely free,” recalls the psychologist, “he is immersed in his thoughts and, of course, eludes the control of his parents.”

We live in a world of technology. Children constantly jump from one to another: a teenager watches TV while tapping on a computer keyboard and pressing a mobile phone to his ear. Even a second of silence can cause a feeling of emptiness. “Try to limit the time spent in front of screens,” advises Daniel Marcelli. “And teach children, while they are still receptive, to appreciate pleasures like walking in the woods or reading.”