Loving yourself manifests itself in 4 different ways.

• Be proud of yourself, of your work, of your projects, of your achievements (which means having some!)
• Cultivate small pleasures, appreciate the smallest victories.
• Accept who you are, your strengths, your weaknesses and let go.
• Give yourself time, listen to your desires, your ideas, your sensibilities. 

All early childhood theorists claim that in order to love yourself, you must first have felt like a loved one in the eyes of those who raised you. ” Before seeing himself the child sees himself in his mother’s eyes looking at him Winnicott was saying. If, whenever the child is in distress, the caregivers adequately meet their attachment needs (i.e. quickly, sensitively, with comfort and consolation) ), the child develops two mental images: on the one hand, an image of the other as trustworthy, available, reliable and on which one can count and, on the other hand, a true self-esteem, with a self having value, worthy of interest and love, since even in a situation of distress, one always responds to the child. People who received too little love in their childhood are therefore very likely to suffer from a lack of love for themselves and for others. In this case, self-esteem is above all linked to a positive outlook and constantly conditioned by the external validation of others.

But this is not the only reason identified. It seems that the ability to rely on oneself and one’s own resources depends on explorations undertaken during childhood. The curiosity that guides the child to learn and understand his environment sometimes places him in a situation of discomfort, danger or helplessness. And when these explorations end in too-repeated failures due to the parents’ desire to let the child fend for themselves to learn, or conversely, when they place the child under an obligation to succeed and mastering all the new challenges open to him, the building of self-esteem can be impaired. 

Get rid of your negative filter ! The glasses we wear color our days and our mood. Wear gray glasses, and you will color your everyday life in gray. A gray that weakens an intensely multicolored reality and makes you both depressed and pessimistic. What if you swap those gray glasses for glasses that filter out problems to show only solutions and positive things? Those even which show you the axes of progression rather than insisting on your faults …

Get over the mirror syndrome. Author Hal Elrod has put his finger on one of the main causes of our disenchantment: the mirror syndrome. Our subconscious would be equipped with a handicapping rearview mirror through which we relive and recreate our past constantly. We rehash the mistakes, painful events, failures and mistakenly believe that ” we are still the person we were “. And, by constantly referring to the limits of our past, we create a negative image of ourselves. Thus, if we have collected the abandonments of love, we tend to rehash them when considering a new relationship, weighing down self-esteem at key moments in our life.

To this past that sticks to the skin, we can add the comments that we regularly make about you. If your friends say over and over that you are always late, you are more than likely to continue to be. Even to be even more so. Like past experiences, what others say contributes to a kind of programming that subconsciously guides you through life. And when this programming pushes you to believe that you are a good for nothing, it is very difficult to escape it …

Fortunately, it is possible to voluntarily modify this programming at any time. For this you need create affirmations. By conceiving these affirmations and repeating them to yourself regularly, you will eventually believe them and act on them.

1) What do you really want? Write down the ideal view of yourself, thinking about the things that undermine your self-esteem.

2) Ask yourself what you are willing to do to love yourself and become the person you want. What actions will you need to take for your ideal vision to become a reality? For example : ” I agree to believe in my ability to convince by publicly expressing my opinion at least once a day at work ».

3) Write affirmations related to these wishes and commitments that you will read daily, for example before sleeping or upon waking up. This may be ” I am able to express my opinion, to oppose decisions that I disapprove of and to convince colleagues of the validity of my opinion ».

Identify the moments when you denigrate yourself and write it down in a journal provided. This will be an opportunity for you to observe the recurrence of this type of negative thought and especially to understand its origins and mechanisms.

Make a list of your qualities. Write a very specific list of your qualities, with anecdotes and concrete examples to back them up. Reread it regularly remembering that every quality is a reason to love yourself and the entire list makes you so unique.

Treat yourself. One of the peculiarities of people who love each other is to have fun, to give each other gifts regularly. And this is very important! Taking care of yourself and listening to your desires are among the things that are more and more forgotten in our modern societies… And this contributes to the rise of the lack of self-esteem! 

« The way we see the problem is the problem. Stephen R. Covey

« See things as you would like to see them, not the way they are. “ Robert Collier

« Whatever You Write, Putting Down Words on Paper Is a Form of Therapy That Doesn’t Cost a Dime. “ Diana Raab