Many live with the dream of one day completely changing their job. Open your own business, become a diving or skiing instructor, or finally part with your hated boss. But a dream often remains a dream. Psychologies journalist and columnist Oliver Burkeman reflects on how to help yourself bring it to life.
To take a decisive step towards a new life, to take a leap into the unknown — what could be more seductive? But even more difficult is not much. We cherish this thought day by day, but all the time we keep postponing our jump. And this is understandable: the fear of the unknown is as natural as the desire to part with the hateful work. What if the new one is even worse? No, perhaps today we are not yet ready to jump. But maybe we’ll be ready tomorrow? Or next Monday?
What do you want to get away from?
Unfortunately, the answer to the question of when we will be ready is very simple. And it sounds very clear: «never.» Fears are inevitable, and one hundred percent guarantees of a bright future in a new job do not exist in principle. And this, of course, is bad news. But there is also a good one: we do not need to wait for these guarantees.
Courage is the ability to actively and intelligently act in the face of fear.
Something completely different is needed. First of all, a clear understanding of what we are trying to get away from. Let’s say you work at a bank and get an offer to move to another. For twice the salary and a shorter working day. Sounds wonderful. But what if you’re sick of the job itself in banking? In this case, even the best conditions at the new job will not bring satisfaction.
And if you are suffering from a marriage that has long outlived its usefulness and turned into a source of continuous disappointment? And are you just afraid to admit it, attributing your anguish to an evil boss and callous colleagues? Here, in general, no jumping from one job to another will help. Psychotherapy will help. Revealing the true reason for your desire to change jobs can be difficult. But it is absolutely necessary for your jump to reach the goal.
What does it mean to be brave?
But let’s say it’s about work, and a jump into the unknown is still necessary. How to overcome your fears? The answer is again simple: be brave. But courage is not the absence of fear. It is the ability to actively and meaningfully act in fear.
Try explaining to yourself that a sudden job change is a transformative experience. And the person that you will become when you move to a new place, in a certain sense, is not quite who you are now. It is likely that he, the future, will find absolutely not terrible everything that scares you today.
Those close to you are too accustomed to you today and unconsciously may impede change.
True, the transformation has a downside. It is that your loved ones also understand that you will change by taking the jump. And, consciously or not, they hinder you, because they are also too used to you today — and they have no idea what you will be tomorrow. So if you put off your jump until you have the full support of family and friends, know that that moment will never come.
Short run
Well, if you still want to jump, then take a short run. Literally three steps.
- Understand the values. Start with what you consider to be the most important thing in your life. Be a creator? Provide a decent life for the family? Serve people? See the world? Absolutely any of these aspirations deserves full respect. But each of them is compatible only with a limited range of professions, which in itself will help you avoid the wrong choice.
- Find a trusted companion. Ideally, this should not be one of your family members or colleagues — for the reasons outlined above, they will not help you when it comes to transformation. Talk about how you see your ideal future. In this case, you do not need to ask for advice at all. It is much more important that your interlocutor knows how to listen to you. Believe me, you yourself can learn a lot about yourself from what you tell him.
- Don’t replace action with thought. Of course, it is useful to make inquiries about a new job. But do not turn these studies into an academic work. The continuous search and analysis of information about a hypothetical future creates the illusion that we are preparing our jump, bringing it closer. In reality, we are only moving away from it, replacing real actions with fruitless reasoning.
About the Author: Oliver Burkeman is a British publicist and author of The Antidote. An antidote to an unhappy life.»