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According to the memoirs, Lieutenant General Alexei Ivanovich Vetrov at home was a very calm and not very noticeable person. At home, his wife, Irina, a Don Cossack by blood and character, was hot and lively, she always created some kind of whirlwind around herself and easily found herself in the center of any company. But suddenly Alexei Ivanovich would call her quietly, say a few quiet words to her, and she would react instantly: “Yes, dear, of course. Let’s fix it now!» Irina knew how to treat her husband. Aleksey Ivanovich — a combat officer, wounded four times during the Great Patriotic War, built a nuclear test site, created a nuclear shield for our country …
These women don’t know what respect for a man is.
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Happy families live simply, in good families there is both love and respect between husband and wife. The husband comes home from work — the wife is in a hurry to meet him, and dinner is already ready. This is love for her husband, and respect for him. And her husband brought her both a salary and flowers, and hugged her dear, and confessed to her once again how much he needs her, how he appreciates her, how wonderful and sweet she is. This is respect for his wife, and love for her.
This article is for good families, where spouses can and want to share signs of love and respect. Sometimes we love each other, but we don’t know how to express it. If, dear women, you once really want to convey to your beloved how dear he is to you, how you love and appreciate him, then here you will find many useful and simple tips. If, dear men, you ever want to explain to your beloved woman how to love you correctly, you will find here the appropriate formulations for this.
The first thing you need to know is that it is more important for women to feel love, and for men, respect is more important. This does not mean that women do not care about respect, and men do not need love — it is not, but there is a difference between men and women. As Vasily Osipovich Klyuchevsky wrote, “Men usually love those women who are respected; women respect the men they love.» Women begin to complain about the lack of respect for them when they feel a lack of love, while they forgive some disrespect for themselves when they feel the sincere and ardent love of a man. Men, on the other hand, are “turned” on respect: if a man does not respect a woman, then no matter how desirable and attractive she is for him, his feelings for her will not last long. On the other hand, if a man feels real respect for himself, he is more likely to calmly react to the absence of his wife’s hot love in his direction, but if he notices disrespect on her part, claims “You don’t love me!”.
Second: the languages of love and respect are different. In sex, in a passionate erotic impulse, one can easily discern love, but not respect. When a woman looks at her sick husband with warm pity, love is easily read in her eyes, but this infuriates many men: “Don’t feel sorry for me and treat me like a patient!”. For a man, this is disrespectful.
And the third — love can be «for no reason» and «despite …», real respect is only deserved. If a man is not respected by his wife, he should ask himself: what did I do to deserve this respect? A wise woman can sometimes give her husband respect in advance, but the general rule remains: a man must earn respect for himself by real deeds. If a woman, and specifically a wife, wants her beloved and dear husband to see and feel her respect for herself, she needs to know some significant things. They are not obvious, they are not passed at school, in life they come to women with experience, and sometimes too late.
The language of respect for a man is quite simple and understandable. This is —
Respect for his power.
Self-respecting men consider it obligatory that the wife discusses all important things with him, and react very sharply to any moments when something is not agreed with him. If a friend calls her: “Let’s go to the exhibition on Saturday?”, It is better to go to her husband and ask for advice. And the situation: “Oh, I already agreed with my friend!” can easily cause an extra scandal. It probably isn’t worth it.
It is important for a woman when a man always has protection and support. But then it needs to be turned in the opposite direction: in any situation, the wife is always on the side of her husband. If he was wrong, let it be a discussion later and in the format not of criticism, but of the desire to understand him.
Maybe, in your opinion, he cleaned up the house too hard when the children got naughty: everyone was in tears and on their nerves. Perhaps he was wrong, but now you need to say: “Children, you must obey dad!”, And talk to dad later, already without children. How right he is — you will figure it out slowly, and it will be easier to figure it out if at first you ask him what he himself thinks about what happened, whether he considers his actions successful and whether he expected any help from you.
Next to a real man, a woman lives comfortably. This is a man who is reliable, loving, caring and hardworking, bringing home money and always ready to help his wife at home. A real man is a dream for a woman, but in return for this, such a man expects to be respected. That is, they listen.
«Honey, it’s time for us to leave. “Yes, dear, I’m sorry: that’s it, I’m going.” And really left all other things, immediately got up. The husband called — you need to go.
A real man expects that in response to his order on the case, the wife does everything at once, without disputes, discussions and comments. For most men who have gone through the army, this is not self-affirmation, but a natural way of life: “It is said and done!”. The difficulty is that men do not always understand how difficult it can be for a woman. She is ready to do it, but not instantly, not like in the army, but at a convenient moment. And for a man, such delay is disrespect for him.
Understand, your phrase “I am now!” is so natural! for a man it is a red rag and a challenge. You actually ask him: «Well, wait a minute, I really need to finish this!», And he hears something else in this: «Don’t command!» and sees it as disrespectful.
Therefore, if the issue is not fundamental, or, moreover, it has already been discussed, then so be it: “He said — I did it.” Straightaway.
On the other hand, why, for example, leave in the morning without breakfast, as the husband wants, if you still have to stop on the road and eat anywhere? Yes, it is better to discuss it, but in what form? At first — a general agreement, after that, a request to think again: “Dear, we will do everything as you say, and we will leave on time. Can we think for a minute together? — He will say “You can!”, After that you can discuss.
We repeat once again: if you are convinced that in this particular case, haste is not justified and nothing is decided for a couple of minutes, then in response to the husband’s command, you can say to him: “Yes, of course. Tell me, what if you can in a couple of minutes, I would like to clear the table? Most likely, he will answer calmly “Yes!”, And then everything is fine. But if suddenly he says: “Please do it now!”, then his request really needs to be fulfilled right now. Get up and do it right away. And then hug him and say: “You are my dear!”
What for? For what? — And just in this case, next time he will speak softer and less command.
Respect for husband’s values.
A real man is a person with worthy values, and if you love him, you naturally respect what is so dear to him. His work, his moral convictions, his political views are not children’s toys for him, they are his heart and its continuation. Respect for a man’s values is respect for himself. You do not have to understand all the affairs of a husband, but a smart woman will never, even in a situation of difficult conflict, allow herself to speak disrespectfully about her husband’s values. On the contrary, the more you are interested in what is dear to him, the more your relationship will be strengthened.
The most striking and extreme variant of such behavior is the behavior of Chekhov’s Darling. If Darling is married to Kukin, her whole soul is in theatrical affairs, when behind Pustovalov — for her there is nothing more important than the timber trade, but if she lives with a regimental veterinarian, the issues of rinderpest already seem very important to her … Note: completely dissolve in the interests husband is also wrong, it is best if you share all the values uXNUMXbuXNUMXbof your husband, but at the same time have your own interests.
Men are uncomfortable when someone enters their territory. Please don’t clean up your husband’s desk, throw away his belongings, and don’t comment on his habits if his habits are dear to him.
His habits are him. However, if you first talk and it turns out that he himself does not like some habits, and he would be glad for your help to get rid of them, the situation is easier. Suppose his tendency to eat heavily in the evening weighs on him, then together think about what your help could be. A real man will cope with everything himself, you will only need to admire his endurance and perseverance.
One of the most difficult questions is the question of faith. There are people who are atheists, there are believers, and among believers there are many different faiths. And what to do here? In most traditional religions, both in Orthodoxy and Islam, if a wife respects her husband’s values, she adheres to her husband’s faith. If you have chosen to be a believer, then this is how it is accepted among believers. If the husband has a secular worldview, then a wife who respects her husband will not church children, if it is important for the husband to formulate a scientific mindset in children, the wife will not tell the children about signs and superstitions.
Will everything always be so strict? Of course not, since this is also determined by the husband’s faith. If the husband believes that the wife can believe in something of her own, then she can believe in something of her own. If for a husband his views and values are fundamental, then the only option for a normal family life is to accept his views and values.
Respect for the mind of the husband.
Women solve most issues either at the level of common sense, or by listening to their hearts, while men decide everything either by force or by their head. The latter is probably still better, especially if the man is smart. The mind of a man excites a woman sometimes just like his smell and determination, however, living with a smart man can also be difficult. When solving problems, such men lose their sense of humor and demand that they be spoken to exclusively reasonably. Such smart men require women to remove unnecessary feelings, unnecessary long prefaces and speak clearly and to the point: what is it about, what worries her, what does she suggest and why. This is the thesis, this is the argument. This is the language of men, it is difficult for most women to speak like that. Maybe that’s why when a wife copes with her feelings and talks to her husband in this way, it is so dear to a man? Is that when he feels true respect for himself?
Here is a pattern of behavior that men are so looking forward to: in a conversation on business, the wife does not get carried away, does not speak for a long time, in all important places she asks: “What do you think?”
Pay attention: she was distracted from her thoughts and feelings, she remembered her husband and asked his opinion. He finally felt that his opinion was important to her.
When the husband began to speak, the wise wife listens to him and does not interrupt. Expressing her thoughts, she formulates them rather gently, without being categorical, and expresses only those feelings for which her husband will be grateful to her. Yes, it is not always easy, right, not all men deserve it: but a woman loves her man, she wants to find those words and formulations that will please him.
Next to smart men, it is very important to be able to restrain your feelings. When discussing difficult issues, women’s tears of men only pull and annoy, and to prevent this from happening, you need to be able to turn off unnecessary experiences, speak only calmly and reasonably. Indeed, experiences do little to help find a solution, and a man will appreciate you more. Recall: «Men love only those women whom they respect.»
Respect for the efforts and time of the husband.
If the husband is not a loafer, then his wise wife does not distract him in vain, over trifles. She does not bother him when he is busy with important matters. This is not a joke: many men work at home, and if he is busy now, then he really should not be torn off for trifles. Often a man himself wants to move around, and talk to his wife, and help her, but if he is busy now or he just needs to be alone, then it is better to wait or do what you can handle yourself.
Women need to understand that a real man is an active being, and everything that his wife tells him, he meets with an internal question: “What should I do in this situation?” Yes, a woman wants to share; yes, it is quite natural for a woman to talk about what is in her soul, especially since it weighs on her — during this she is freed from what weighs on her. It seems to her that listening and sympathizing is simple and natural! However, this is not the case for men. A real man is charged with business, so women need to take care of themselves and not tell him about problems with which it is not clear what to do. When a man hears a story about problems, he perceives it as a question to himself: “What will you do to solve this?” And if he does not understand how this is solved, then he feels out of place, inferior and simply a man.
It is important for a man to be grateful to him for his efforts, and if you love him, it will not be difficult for you once again (or not superfluous?) to remember what he did and did for you, and thank him sincerely for this. Yes, last week he was tired, but he took you to the dacha and helped a lot there. Thank you! For a man, this is a very serious sign of respect for him.
Everyone has failures. Men do not show how they experience it, but in such cases you should not believe his apparent calmness. A man will appreciate if you support him in a difficult situation and do without reproaches: if he understands that you managed to restrain yourself, this tells him that you respect him.
Well, the eternal question of money. It is pleasant for a loving man to bring home money and give it to his wife: “Darling, can you manage to spend it?”, while a wise wife does not waste her husband’s money, she knows that money is earned by hard work, and appreciates the work of a man who takes care of her and her family . This is respect for a man.
Respect for the order that the husband maintains.
For a woman, harmony is sufficient, for a man, order is important: thoughtful rules that were established by him (or by him and his wife). Men like to make their own rules, and if his wife supports his rules, he feels respect for himself.
Why don’t you once again ask the opinion of your husband, what is the right thing to do? The wiser the woman, the more often she consults with her husband. In response, a wise man supports his wife in her decisions and does not climb into his wife’s territory unnecessarily. On the common territory, the spouses resolve issues jointly, but if it is difficult to agree, then the decision is made by the head of the family — the husband.
When respect is mutual, when husband and wife are partners, all common family issues are discussed together. However, in any discussion there are issues where the husband and wife will always have some disagreement. For example, in their views on the upbringing of children, women are usually softer, men are stricter, women’s love for children is more often unconditional (“I love you the way you are!”, Men are more demanding (“If you are my son, learn to be a man!”). That what to do in such difficult cases? On the one hand, continue to talk and seek mutual understanding, on the other hand, accept the husband’s right to make the most important family decisions. Why? Because real men only really participate in what they agree with. And if you have such a wonderful husband that the issues of raising children are important to him (this is not so common), then in case of serious disagreements, it is reasonable for the wife to take the position of her husband.
In order for a man to really participate in the upbringing of children, it is important for him to see that children grow up the way he wants. In other cases, men begin to withdraw from the upbringing of children, and this is undesirable. A mother is a source of life for a child, a father is the law, and a father in the family, as a source of law and order, is necessary in the family.
Another important circumstance: men need to pronounce everything in words. When women communicate, it is natural for them to just listen, feel, experience and share what has arisen in her soul in response to what she has heard. Women often understand everything perfectly, and they do not need extra words. And men need to say everything in words — and clearly. Dear women, if your husband seriously asked you for something, it is important for him to make sure that the request is heard exactly as he formulated it, and will be fulfilled when he expects. Therefore, if you heard a husband’s request, treat it in the format that a man expects — responded, repeated, maybe even wrote it down — and did it. And when they did, they said it. Everything, the man is satisfied, because you respected his words.
Some women adhere to the tactics: “I don’t mind my husband, I agree with him out loud, but I do everything in my own way.” This has its own worldly wisdom, it is better than constant objections and bickering. However, in couples where people truly love each other, there is not only diplomacy, but also honesty, and if the spouses agreed on something, now both of them follow this order. Women have a lighter attitude towards agreements: “Well, we agreed. Circumstances are changing? ”, But men are arranged differently, and for him these are not new circumstances, but a violation of agreements and disrespect for him.
It is clear that agreements must be fulfilled, but this is not always easy. So you agreed to walk every evening or go to fitness on Saturday, but in the evening the sofa whispers “Relax”, and on Saturday the mood is not right, and there are a lot of things to do. If a man is lazy and “leaks” here, then this, as you understand, is not quite a man, and if you repeatedly sabotage your husband’s sports initiatives, he does not understand that you are tired, but perceives this as disrespect for him. What to do? Do what is agreed. The husband said “Let’s go!”, Which means they smiled and let’s go. And on the way, you can talk about something more flexible for the future.
A woman takes punishment from a man, but she can afford to give it back to him!
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If you agreed on something important and agreed seriously, and then you violated the agreement, do not be angry, you can be punished. If a man is responsible for the family as a whole, he is obliged to maintain order in it, that is, if necessary, use sanctions. Important: the difference between a reasonable head of the family and a self-affirming male is that all these sanctions, in case of a serious violation on his part, can be applied to him.
A real man is proud of his woman if she is not afraid of him, but respects both herself and him.
Respect for power and status.
Women really want to hear the words in which a man will express his admiration for them. Men also need words, they also want to hear admiration for themselves, but they need a different admiration: one that speaks of their merits, achievements and superiority, of their intelligence, strength and status. Previously, it was called «doxology» and men have always liked it.
As John Gray writes, “Just as a woman needs a man’s devotion, he needs her admiration. To admire a man means to look at him with delight, joyful surprise, approval and pleasure. He feels the admiration of the partner when she is happily amazed, discovering some special quality or talent in him. It can be a sense of humor, strength, purposefulness, integrity of nature, honesty, romance, kindness, love, understanding and other so-called old-fashioned virtues. Feeling the admiration of a girlfriend, a man gains enough confidence to devote himself faithfully to a woman and adore her.
Men are warriors, if you want — warriors, they love to win and always want to be the first. This can be difficult, but it commands respect and in any case it must be taken into account. If a woman emphasizes that her husband is the winner, her husband is the first, his heart will be with her.
Here are the little things of life: when a husband comes home, he claims attention in the first place to himself. This means: distract yourself from other things, quickly go towards him, your face glows with joy, your eyes are attentive, you are ready to feed him and listen to him. When he sat down at the table, it was to him that the first attention was: the husband needs to be fed first of all, the children will wait.
It’s unusual, but that’s how it should be. The principle: “All the best is for adults, the husband is the head of the family, the husband comes first” — builds strong and reasonable relationships in the family, many educational issues in such an arranged family are solved easier, by themselves.
If a man wants to talk and speak out, he needs to be listened to, even if the series is on now and children require attention. If a man is waiting for sex in bed, and you are thoughtful — give him sex: most likely, you will not regret it later, but for a man, in his worldview, this is also a moment of respect for him.
In some matters, you understand better than men, but men really do not like it when they are pointed out to them. Until a man asks, do not teach him how best to clean his shoes or, even more so, how his car should stand in the parking lot: this is not just disrespect for him, this is an attack on his status. Try not to interfere in his life and do not correct him, even if he is wrong. Do not prompt when not asked. Don’t help until you apply.
If he runs into his own mistake, this is normal for him, but if you point out his mistake to him, it can end quite sadly for both of you.
For a woman to regret is to express love and warmth. For a man to regret is to humiliate him, fixing him in weakness and helplessness. Do not make such a mistake and do not feel sorry for the man: instead, always demonstrate an unshakable confidence that sooner or later he will definitely cope with all the difficulties. And please be careful with diminutive names: men usually don’t like being addressed as small. “Lapusya”, “Kotik” and spoon-feeding — sometimes it can go away according to the mood, but it’s like pink bows: girls are happy, it doesn’t suit men, and sometimes it irritates them. Over time, they get used to it and it warms them, but it does not come right away. As with everything, it takes patience.