Nine years ago, as a result of an accident, Ksenia Bezuglova lost the ability to walk. Paradoxically, thanks to the injury, a new bright life opened up before her. Now Ksenia is 34 years old, she is raising three children and runs the Everything is Possible charity foundation.
I grew up in the Far East, but I always knew that I would move to Moscow, where my mother, grandmother and great-grandmother come from. I also wanted to work at the publishing house that publishes my favorite Elle magazine. And all this came true: I moved to Moscow, a year later I got into the same publishing house in the advertising department.
After some time, I found out that I was expecting a baby. And becoming a mother was my cherished dream: as a girl, I fantasized that I would have many children of my own, and I would also take all the kids from the orphanage, I even thought out a plan on how to do it. In general, when I found out that I was pregnant, I realized: now I have everything and I will be completely happy. Immediately she began to walk, proudly sticking out her stomach, and was surprised that they did not give up my seat on the subway.
I was in my third month when my husband and I went on vacation to the Far East. And there I had an accident: the car turned over, but I did not lose consciousness and immediately realized that I had broken my spine. I don’t know if I was in shock. In any case, I didn’t throw tantrums at anyone, I didn’t wring my hands, asking: “How can I live now?” In intensive care, my first question to the doctors was: “What about the child?” It turned out that everything was fine with him.
“Lesha, we will fight,” I said to my husband.
– I’m with you. We are fighting. Everything will be fine, he replied.
I had one goal – to save the child, although the doctors advised to terminate the pregnancy. We returned to Moscow, and then there was just a daily struggle. All the months remaining before the birth, I lay, I was not allowed to sit down. I used to do yoga – now it just saved me. From the first day in intensive care, I did breathing practices, asanas. What she couldn’t physically, she did mentally, and it worked! Thanks to yoga, I went through this path without painkillers, they would be harmful to the child.
When Taya was born, I had a new goal – to master the stroller and learn how to do everything myself: take care of the child, run the house. Don’t be a burden to anyone, don’t be a dependent. I did everything so that I would not be spared. She left the job after a year and a half. I became a very independent person in a wheelchair.
There was a mad desire to recover in order to become again what Lesha took me as his wife
Accepting yourself in a new guise was hard. I was beautiful, tall, long-legged, I loved to dance. And where is now this beauty that stands on her feet? I turned away from the mirrors. Before, my husband and I hugged all the time, held hands. And now he is standing – I am sitting, we cannot snuggle up to each other, I cannot jump on him, as I used to. You are still young, there is a lot of passion, lightness inside – and suddenly you are sitting like a monument.
There was a frantic desire to recover in order to become again what Lesha took me as his wife. I felt that he and all those close to me were waiting for me to get up. And I am a very responsible person, I can not let my family down! We tried all kinds of doctors, healers, healers, I killed myself every day in the gym. She lived in anticipation of a miracle for four and a half years.
And then I went to Saki, this is a city where spinalists come from all over the world for rehabilitation – those who have received a spinal injury. I was surrounded by people in wheelchairs. Before that, I looked at the disabled from the outside: there are they, and there is me. They resigned, but I will not give up. And then I saw that they live a full life: they fall in love, give birth to children, rejoice, go to bars and discos.
These people did not know me the same, the former, they accepted me for who I am. I got girlfriends, they gave me flowers, we had costume parties, it was so much fun! I understood: and what is it that I am in a wheelchair? Yes, this is my throne! It was a revelation. You don’t have to live in anticipation! I am so young, beautiful, happy!
“That’s it, I don’t want to wait for a miracle anymore,” I said to my husband, returning home. – I believe that someday it will happen thanks to the progress of medicine and by the will of God. But I want to be happy here and now.
“Isn’t it because you’re already used to your wheelchair?” – he asked.
– Not. I finally accepted myself, and I feel good.
And literally a few months later I got to Rome for the Miss World contest among wheelchair users and came from there with a crown. That’s how important this moment of acceptance is! I just glowed from the inside, that’s why I was chosen. Since then, I have sat on various juries many times and I know: those who have external beauty that coincides with internal fullness win.
After the competition, life changed dramatically. People began to turn to me for help, various social projects arose. I received up to 150 letters a day: from disabled people who despaired, from parents of seriously ill children. At first I tried to answer everyone as sincerely as possible, but I realized that I was not pulling either physically or psychologically: it was impossible to take on so much pain.
Then the idea arose to create a Fund to help the disabled. This work has taken me by surprise. I organize forums, give motivational lectures all over the country. My life is planned for a year. Sometimes I look at the schedule for a month and get scared: there are so many flights! And I’m so tired, I would like to rest … After all, I live with constant pain: my legs, my back – everything hurts. But I can’t follow her lead. After all, it is so easy for a disabled person to leave in a peak: he began to feel sorry for himself – he lost. I did not allow this, I was already in a wheelchair and managed to build a new life from scratch. Therefore, I say to myself: “So, I packed up and went!”
If not for the injury, I would have lived a normal life. But now I have the power to influence a lot of people
Sometimes I fly home for a few hours, repack my suitcase, and hit the road again. Today Astana, tomorrow Nizhnevartovsk, the day after tomorrow Rostov-on-Don. I know that they are waiting for me there.
In my lectures and among my Instagram followers, the majority are people without physical disabilities. They just lost their taste for life. And I teach them to appreciate every minute, I say: everything is possible, you can start from anywhere! I did. It is always our choice to suffer or act. And then they say and write to me, how my words turn my mind. If not for the injury, I would have lived a normal life. But now I have the power to influence a lot of people. It inspires. The more I give, the more energy I have.
In recent years, I could not breathe this wonderful life. I decided to say “yes” to everything that comes to me. Therefore, I was the first wheelchair user in Russia to ski, jump with a parachute, and participate in competitions in France. Life gives – you have to take.
I was sometimes told: you have children, shouldn’t you devote yourself to them? And I answered: yes, I am a mother, but I am also a person. If I sit at home, I will plague my loved ones with my indefatigable energy and unfulfillment. And my husband understands this. We support each other, for example, without his help, I would never have taken up the Foundation.
My girls, of course, miss me. If suddenly I am in Moscow, but did not pick up Taya from school, she is offended. Alexa is not yet two, and I can see how she lacks even tactile contact with me: when I’m at home, she just clings to me. I started to leave her very early, and she acutely feels this gap …
Before the New Year, I asked myself the question: what do you still lack, Ksyusha? I drew a map of my life, looked and realized: I still need to work on what kind of wife and mother I am. You can already afford not to rush anywhere, to manage the Fund remotely, especially since I have an excellent team. I told my director: we plan the next year differently. I will spend more time with my family. It never occurred to me then that I was expecting a third pregnancy. But it happened: on October 1, our son was born. And now I would like to be just a mom for a little while.