Kopuša

«Kopush!» — this is usually called a child who does everything slowly and sluggishly. He gathers very slowly — he looks for clothes for a long time, puts them on for a long time …

Puffs are annoying. “Kopush! — we say irritably, — you tie your shoelaces for half an hour! “Everything has already been written down, and you only took a pen,” says the teacher. Kopushu always wants to customize: faster, faster … Is this right? — Not quite.

If there are nimble children, then there are others who are not quite nimble. And quite slow, too. This is a natural feature of a child, and it is as stupid to be angry with her as with the fact that you have only two legs. This is how his parents were born. Moreover, when you swear and demand from the child “Well, faster, faster!”, The child is only distracted by you, gets lost and does it even more slowly. Do not swear and do not pull the child, it does not help.

It often happens: the child does everything slowly, and if you get angry and push him, then he does it even more slowly, as if out of spite, as if on purpose! «That’s right, the child isn’t dumber than you, is it?» If you make him angry, he gets angry with you and makes you angry. And now what? It is pointless to be angry anyway, this will only intensify the war. 6-7-year-old children practically do not see the difference between «fast» and «slow» and work in the rhythm that is natural for them. Take it easy, but do not be inactive: the slowness of the child only means that there will be more extra work for both you and the child. What job? What do we have to do?

• Do physical exercises with your child at home. Any will do, starting from finger gymnastics. When performing exercises, follow a certain sequence at a pace: slow-fast-slow. Do not start all exercises quickly so that the child succeeds, in the middle you can strain fun, but finish again slowly: the child should always have a feeling of success.
• All the important things that the child should do well, do with him until he learns to do them well enough. You need to tie your shoelaces — start doing this earlier. Show how it is done, after which he must do it himself. If it doesn’t work out, let him train (slowly) over and over again. And this must be done day after day until, under your supervision, he learns to do everything that needs to be done — the way it is needed. More about this excellent article by Elena Kuzmina Slow child: recommendations for parents.
• If the child next to you is doing something, such as homework, do not rush him. You need it right, not fast. It’s bad if you, showing parental zeal, rush: “So, quickly tell me the rule.” Moreover, it is not witty, without waiting for an answer and without giving the child time to build up, to accuse him: “I didn’t learn it again.” Perhaps he knows the rule, but in order to remember it and tell you, he needs a little more time.
• Take frequent breaks from your studies, but take breaks with other sensible activities. Where another child will continuously study for 30 minutes, it is better to take a break after 15-20 minutes. But during the break, let him move physically: squat with you or do finger gymnastics again.
• Teach your child not speed, but accuracy and clarity. Do something with him more often, making sure that the child does everything as clearly, precisely, consistently as you said and without being distracted. It may be slow, but it should be clear and precise. Be demanding in this, kopusha is not permission for sloppiness.

The child may be slow, but should not turn into a mess. Children are born with different temperaments, but there is no «dump temperament». They are not born kopush, they become kopush if parents allow or even more so reinforce such behavior. Why does a child need to be a slut? And why be nimble when you can become a kopush, be in the spotlight, and everything will be done for you?

There is no need to be angry with the kopush, we need to take care of them, because they are our favorite. And our concern is to teach the kopush to do things in a collected and fast manner. When the kopush learns not to be distracted, learns to deftly tie his shoelaces and knows in what sequence to put on, he will turn from a kopush into our joy.

Another thing is that there are real kopush, and there are special kopush. Kopusha on purpose, this is a child who can be quite nimble, but next to you and in some particular business, he suddenly becomes a kopusha. Indeed, an important question about the slowness of the child: “The child cannot go faster or does not want to”? Is your child really slow or smart, who slows down to spite you, slows down when he needs to? In most cases, the difference is clearly visible: if he cannot, he is always slow, and if he is quick-witted, then selectively. For example, if he is going to school slowly and writes lessons sleepily, but dives quickly at the computer and quickly moves his fingers there — you do not have a mess, but a quick-witted child.

Older savvy slobs already know the scientific justification for their right to do as they please. They will tell you quite confidently and energetically: “I can’t do this, why are you shouting … I forgot everything! I can not! Don’t rush me, I’m lost… I can’t when you push me, I can only when slowly. You do not take into account my character and temperament. I am phlegmatic with elements of melancholic. And in books they write that temperament does not change, mother! There are children who easily go from life’s problems to «get sick». Such a child withdraws into his right to be a kopush and a brake when it is beneficial for him.

And what to do with such smart ones? It is curious that the recommendations will be similar.

Do not swear and do not accuse of deceit and dexterity: you will not prove anything, and the relationship will deteriorate. Pretend that you believe that your child just can’t do things the right way, and start teaching him how to do it, as slowly as he needs to, but as inescapably as you choose. Most likely, you will not become the most interesting episode of his life, and if the child understands that the only chance to escape from your care to freedom is to start doing as you carefully teach, then he will begin to do so. And it will be fast enough.

And what’s the difference, on purpose or not on purpose, he dug before? Do not turn into a mess yourself, do not dig where you still can’t figure it out. And if, thanks to everything that happened, you learned to teach your child, then the child helped you, and you are great!

adult muzzle

If next to you is a completely adult person, for example, your husband or your wife, the situation is slightly different, but also often solved …