The 8 situation
Valina’s mother asks Marina’s mother:
— How does it happen that your daughter obeys from the first word and you do not raise your voice? And here I am screaming, screaming, sometimes I’ll slap, but it’s a little useless!
— So from early childhood they taught her to calm tone, and in our family no one shouts at each other.
— Well, does it happen that Marina does not listen? Whereas?
— Sometimes, of course, she won’t listen right away … First of all, I try not to be angry with her. Children’s affairs and mood, after all, must also be respected. I repeat my order even more demandingly, explaining to her why it is necessary to do what she is asked to do.
— And does it help?
— Helps. Is a cry better to reason than an urgent word? Does it add weight to the parental order?
— And I can’t do without screaming: until you yell at her, she doesn’t seem to hear … Well, how can you not get angry! How can you not scream!
Comment psychologist:
Parents should learn as early as possible a calm, balanced, friendly, but always resolute tone in their business order, and children from a very young age should get used to this tone, get used to obey the order and carry it out willingly. You can be as affectionate as you like with the child, joke with him, play, but when the need arises, you must be able to dispose briefly, once, dispose with such a look and in such a tone that neither you nor the child have any doubts about the correctness order, in the inevitability of its implementation.
Parents must learn to give such orders very early, when the first child is one and a half to two years old. This matter is quite easy. You just need to make sure that your order meets the following requirements:
- It should not be given with anger, with a cry, with irritation, but it should not look like begging either.
- It should be feasible for the child, not require too difficult tension from him.
- It must be reasonable, that is, it must not be contrary to common sense.
- It must not conflict with another order: yours or the other parent’s.
The 9 situation
Svetlana (6 years old) divided her holiday gift into four equal parts: for her older sister — a schoolgirl, mom, dad and herself. Everyone got very little. And now the girl already seems to regret her act. On the face of confusion. She is already ready to put all the parts together in order to take possession again of what she has just shared so generously among her loved ones. See →