The 7 situation
Kostya whines, begging for permission to stay “one more minute” at the TV … Mom persuades him:
— Do not Cry. Tomorrow, before the weekend, look longer. Now don’t cry… Well, calm down, don’t be nervous, it’s bad before going to bed…
But Kostin’s voice sounds more insistent, more capricious. Then the mother turns to the father:
— Well, tell your son to listen to me!
The father supports the mother and, turning to his son, calmly, without raising his voice, says:
“You heard what mom said: it’s time for bed.” And faster. I do not repeat the requirements.
Kostya no longer tries to whine and goes to wash.
A five-year-old boy constantly hears how his mother turns to his father for help: “Tell him to listen to me”; «Tell me it’s not possible»; “Tell me, otherwise he doesn’t listen”; “Tell… say…”
The mother says to the teacher in surprise:
— Why does the son obey his father implicitly, but does not put my requirements into anything?
Comment psychologist:
Children, by our tone, facial expressions, sensitively catch whether it is necessary to fulfill the requirement or whether it is possible to evade this. We do not notice that we sometimes contribute to childish disobedience: instead of a calm and firm instruction, we begin to persuade or forbid and at the same time give hope; the child concludes: it is not necessary to obey. So this was allowed by Kostya’s mother. The mother also makes another mistake: constantly turning to the father in front of the child for support of her orders, she, as it were, emphasizes her helplessness, predetermines in advance that her word will not have weight. And now the boy has already caught on: you need to listen when the father says his weighty word, and the mother’s order is not necessary!
Parents need to be able to make demands to their children with authority, in a firm and serious tone, and at the same time be fair and consistent. It is unacceptable that orders sound uncertain, dispose the child to bickering, “bargaining” for the fulfillment of their desires.
To respect a child as a person means to show delicacy, tact in dealing with him, to be able to talk to him and listen to him; show restraint even when childish disobedience causes irritation; be able to choose a method of influencing a child without forcing her will and without offending his human dignity; be able to choose a place and time for suggestion, heart-to-heart talk; to be able to understand the child and the motives of his actions, so that, having taken his place, decide how to deal with him fairly, and most importantly, when choosing methods of influence, rely on the best that is in the child.
Respecting a child does not mean going along with him, showing compliance, on the contrary, being reasonably demanding and strict.
The 8 situation
Valina’s mother asks Marina’s mother:
— How does it happen that your daughter obeys from the first word and you do not raise your voice? And here I am screaming, screaming, sometimes I’ll slap, but it’s a little useless! See →