Contents
Intimate relationships can be inspirational, but they can also be frustrating. We can make sex a source of strength and pleasure if we are honest with ourselves and our partner.
When we are filled with sexual energy, we feel it with every cell of the body. No wonder they say about lovers that they glow with happiness.
“If everything is balanced in intimate life, if orgasmic sensations visit us, then vital energy flows freely through the body. And even breathing then becomes freer,” says psychologist, family consultant Andrey Timakov.
Opening to this flow, we “feel love for the world around, want to share the fruits of our activities with it and are able to receive a lot from it in return,” emphasizes the psychologist. When we can not only take, but also give, the energy of passion becomes a source of inspiration. With luck, we can draw from it for a very long time. But if it is poisoned, it will affect not only the quality of sex, but our entire existence.
Motive matters
Sometimes we enter into intimate relationships not at the behest of passion, but for other reasons. For example, in an attempt to get rid of loneliness, from anxiety.
“When we are not sure that we want to make love with the one in front of us, and that we really want sexual intimacy here and now, but we still do what we have planned, we lose energy,” Andrey Timakov warns.
Even having received a discharge, after intercourse we feel devastation and sadness. We spent energy on rapprochement, but did not satisfy our deepest need.
Self-compulsion – and especially when it comes to what is supposed to bring joy – significantly reduces enthusiasm. This also applies to relationships in existing couples. The expressions “marital duty”, “marital obligations” sound like they describe a document, not magical sensations. The fulfillment of these “duties” takes strength instead of giving it.
Body as evidence
Why can the flow of sexual energy in a couple be interrupted? If we have ruled out medical problems, then this is a symptom of discord between partners.
“If a couple experiences difficulties in intimate life – for example, a man has problems with potency or a woman has problems with hydration, this indicates an unresolved conflict between them,” Andrey Timakov explains. – When partners cannot directly express their feelings to each other – for example, irritation or anger, this energy is suppressed and remains inside us. At the same time, the level of sexual energy decreases.
In this case, you can not do without a frank conversation in which everyone is ready to open himself and respectfully listen to the other. By learning how to eco-locate difficult experiences in a couple’s space, we will regain the ability to experience attraction.
Sexual energy has its own fuel: desire in both women and men is primarily controlled by testosterone. Regardless of gender, individuals with high levels of this hormone “tend to have more sexual relationships,” writes anthropologist Helen Fisher.1.
How to raise testosterone levels? This happens during falling in love: its production is stimulated by dopamine, which is released when we experience romantic feelings. And although few people managed to fall in love simply at will, there are two more ways that we can use.
The first is to include physical activity in your schedule. The second is to have a new experience that “leads to increased production of dopamine in the human brain, which means it triggers the chemical processes that stimulate desire,” as Helen Fisher explains. Traveling to uncharted lands, unusual joint activities – whether it be at least Japanese courses, at least a master class in tango – will help awaken a dormant passion.
Pass it on to another
The power that sex gives birth to is available to us outside of intimate relationships.
Its impulses can be felt even at a distance. We can “charge” from a romantic movie, from a description of a love scene in a book, and decide for ourselves whether to keep this charge until meeting a partner or use it in our activities. According to the Taoist teacher Mantak Chia, sexual energy “is beneficial if you need to work hard, for example.
It is very simple to cause sexual arousal: just admire a beautiful woman or a seductive man in reality or in a photo, or simply give free rein to erotic fantasies. Then calm down, contain the excitement and direct it to the brain. Many employers complain that employees visit adult websites. In vain: what seems like a waste of time and money actually increases efficiency, increases a person’s vital activity.
In search of inspiration
Sometimes, feeling that the vitality is running out, we try to raise the tone with the help of intimate relationships. Will it help? “Just as an energy drink provides a rise in vitality for a while, so sex can temporarily restore them. But the problem that caused you to lose them will remain with you. And it needs to be solved precisely in the area to which it belongs,” Andrey Timakov warns.
If we are experiencing a creative block or are experiencing financial problems, a passionate night will help to distract us, but sooner or later we will still have to look for a job or a new source of inspiration. In addition, not each of us in such a situation is capable of true and full contact with another – namely, this is the key to good sex.
“The energy of sexuality opens the channels to life achievements, in whatever area we are engaged. Good, high-quality sex provokes the release of hormones and thus physically gives us additional energy for life, creativity. But this happens only when everything is harmonious both in the emotional and intimate relationships of partners, ”the psychologist sums up.
1 H. Fischer Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love (Alpina non-fiction, 2013).