The house should be a safe haven where you can hide from the storms of life. But most often it turns out the other way around: tormented after a working day, we return to where unfinished lessons, household chores, claims of spouses and so on await. As a result, we break down at home, and they break down at us. How to regain peace of mind?
Of course, I would like to solve family problems without hassle. But here’s the trouble: we are constantly worried – this is our nature. It’s hard to stay calm when your mind is galloping from thought to thought.
In addition, we do not know how to quickly calm down, again because we were born that way. Let’s say we manage to restore balance through meditation or a walk in the fresh air. But at home one has to face what is called the difficulties of family life. And worry again…
Fortunately, there are many strategies that can help manage the ever-alarmed brain and keep a reasonable composure. Eric Meisel, a psychotherapist and author of Rethinking Depression and Mastering Creative Anxiety, offers the following psychological techniques.
1. Deep breathing
A simple but very effective way. Stop and breathe as deeply as possible – five seconds to inhale, five seconds to exhale. Then the brain, jumping from experience to experience, will also stop, and the body will receive a signal that it is time to calm down.
2. Cognitive self-help
Changing the train of thought is an effective “anti-anxiety” strategy. Here’s how it’s done:
- listen to what you say to yourself;
- challenge the inner doubts that cause anxiety;
- replace them with positive, constructive, and encouraging statements.
3. Mantras
In fact, this is a combination of the first two methods: deep breathing and beneficial affirmations. Think half of your thoughts on the inhale, half on the exhale. Such mantras help to reduce the level of anxiety: “I am completely calm”, “I trust myself”. Experiment with short phrases and find one or two that help you pull yourself together.
4. Relaxation
The well-known shoulder massage is one of the techniques of bodily relaxation. There is a more complicated way: progressive muscle relaxation, in which each part of the body slowly and alternately relaxes. Practice and see how calming this exercise is.
Mentally transform into someone who strives for peace and prefers to do without drama and stress
5. Mindfulness practices
Meditation and other similar practices help to focus on thoughts and control the mind, which is often used in anxiety management programs. In this way, we all better understand that our suffering is largely caused by the state of mind, and we learn to let go of disturbing thoughts.
6. Conscious imagination
The point is to achieve a state of peace by imagining peaceful images. For example, imagine how you are lying on the seashore, walking around the lake, swinging on a swing. First, determine which images have a calming effect: mentally “revise” different pictures and put the most pleasant ones in your memory. “Call” them when you start to get nervous.
7. Disidentification and separation
Try to develop a philosophical and slightly detached outlook on life: mentally turn into someone who strives for peace and prefers to do without drama and stress. Do it gradually: repeat to yourself that you are becoming a new person and perceive every thought, every feeling, every trouble, every grief in a different way. And then, during family troubles, you can quickly change the “optics”.
8. Reorientation
You can consciously switch from disturbing thoughts to neutral stimuli. For example, actors are taught to shift their attention from the audience taking their seats before the performance to the memory of the posters in the lobby. And focus on them as much as possible so as not to be nervous because of the noise in the auditorium.
You probably would like to first put your nerves in order, and then start a serious conversation with a child or spouse
9. Discharging
Stress and anxiety accumulate, and it is useful to get rid of them. One of the methods of discharge is “quiet cry”. Try to shout thoroughly, but at the same time not make a sound (if only because this is simply unacceptable). Jumping in place, push-ups help quite well, in a word, any physical actions remove the “poison” of anxiety from the body.
Start a simple ritual. Buy yourself a glass ball with “snow” inside. Take it in your hands and shake it well. And breathe deeply as the snowflakes fall. While watching them, think or say out loud: “I am calming down,” or any other phrase that helps restore peace of mind. Set a reminder on your calendar and repeat this every day.
An unfavorable family environment increases nervousness, and therefore, day by day, it becomes even more difficult for us to control ourselves. You probably would like to first put your nerves in order, and then start a serious conversation with a child or spouse. Try to start a new life right now: take a snow globe and learn a couple of self-regulation techniques.