Kate Winslet: “Losses give us a chance to change”

We are talking in a cafe on the shores of the Venetian lagoon. Behind its brown waters – the dome of San Marco, the red brickwork of the Arsenale, the slender bell tower of the island-cemetery of San Michele … We could admire the view if the humid heat had not blocked Venice from us with a whitish haze.

That is, she could admire Venice, because I, rather, admire her. And in good weather, if I had a choice of which of the two beauties to admire – Venice or her – I would choose her, Kate Winslet. She is beautiful with a beauty that I would call uncompromising. She doesn’t have a touch of makeup on. Her thin, slightly curly, not the thickest hair in the world is tied in an unassuming ponytail. She is wearing a gray jacket with short sleeves, a tight-fitting black knitted mini dress and ballet flats – all this does not flatter her figure at all, which is clearly more dense than is customary for screen divas …

But it seems to me that I have never seen such a glossy porcelain skin, nor such a gentle blush, nor such a bright, such a transparent blue of the eyes, nor such lovely, such frank wrinkles …

Yes, and such hair, and such a harmonious figure. She is absolutely natural – in this I see a certain uncompromisingness. As with her habit of wearing “black, white or colorless taupe – everything else just looks silly on me.”

In Venice, Kate Winslet has three films at once: Steven Soderbergh’s Contagion, Roman Polanski’s Massacre, and Todd Haynes’ Mildred Pierce, which is screened in its entirety here on special screenings, a unique act of the festival, demonstrating that high-browed Venice recognizes in a television series a model of a genuine cinema art. In a word, here, as, in fact, everywhere for the last 15 years, it is in the center of attention. That’s probably why she doesn’t want to add brightness to her costume, doesn’t want to make herself stand out in “italic”… And the black-gray-white dress at the premiere of “Contagion”, its lines, emphasizing the curves of her figure, was brighter than the most brazen scarlet. Because this “colorless” creates a backdrop for true color – the rich tones of her honesty, her directness and her feminine courage. She rolls the first of half a dozen cigarettes in our conversation with a funny typewriter, tamps it down with her short-nailed fingers and invites me to start with a question that I consider … the most indelicate.

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Kate Winslet: No, start with the “bad news”. I won’t go to Laguna.

Okay. You are a star, beauty, recognized actress, Oscar winner and mother of two children. Both of your marriages ended in divorce. Did this experience reveal any new knowledge about yourself to you? Have you tried to think about the reasons?

K.W.: Of course I tried. But she stopped just in time. Because it is a temptation to blame oneself and torment oneself with guilt, to nag, delve into oneself, analyze words, gestures, half-turns, look for hints of true reasons in them … There is something diabolical in this, the need for self-accusation, or something … But in some the moment you fall into narcissism: to believe that you are the cause of what is happening, that all the blame is on you, is not only self-destructive, but also extremely arrogant. You need to have the courage to admit to yourself that the world does not revolve around you at all. And a person can leave you not at all because he does not love you, but because he loves another. And you have nothing to do with it. Not at all. And besides, the “together” stage could simply end – this was the case with my first husband. We broke up simply because the word “together” no longer made sense to us. It happens that only for one of the parting people it loses its meaning. But the other is not to blame. And he’s not a victim. This is somewhat irrational… But, in my opinion, maturity is just the ability to accept the irrationality of life, the causelessness of some of its turns.

For you, the realization of this cancels the bitterness of parting?

K.W.: Doesn’t cancel. But you behave differently. Constructive, not destructive. For example, after the divorce, I began to more or less seriously engage in fitness. And I never liked this business – I always believed that no one had the duty to turn these bikes … And even a certain tendency to be overweight could not convince me of the need for fitness – in childhood I was teased with a “bubble”, but then I somehow imperceptibly “blown away” and did not support all this struggle of modern civilization for thinness. I even sued publications that published me in full growth on the covers and at the same time Photoshopped me to ballet standards or lied about the fact that I day and night in the gym. But then I stopped touching this topic at all – my figure. It was too easy to accuse me of hypocrisy: I stand in my 10th size and with an Oscar and tell that people have the right to be overweight. I hate hypocrisy: about the right to be as you are, to tell honestly, having a size 16! .. So, I started training. Not for the figure. Just after the divorce, besides the public divorce, I decided that I needed to take care of myself, my health. That the children need me strong. That now I should be the most healthy version of myself! And for the same reason, I did not comment on our parting with Sam (Sam Mendes, film director, Winslet’s ex-husband. – Approx. ed.). My children are already at the age when they can “google” their mother. And what – her resentment and despair will pour out on them from Google? Oh no.

Do you deal with resentment and despair in a different way, do you have your own way?

K.W.: I have an instinct – a feminine instinct, a maternal one. When you have children, you get used to guarding them all the time. And it turns out that sometimes you also protect yourself from yourself. Like a soldier, you stand to protect their peace. And in this battle you can fall, also like a soldier! This is my case too. And then, you’re just afraid that this today’s resentment – give it free rein, open this chest with snakes – stir up a nasty tangle of all old grievances, old losses … and you won’t slam the lid anymore, you will fall apart … You know, then I have one old friend , he is gay, put his hand on his shoulder and said: “Kathy, damn it, you cry! It’s okay to cry. And now you even need it.” I had to remind myself what it was like to have a good cry. And how important it is to free yourself from the horror inside, to give it free rein. Finally stop living with the miserable feeling of “oh, this should not have happened.” Accept that it happened and live with it.

Have you ever had a desire to turn to psychotherapy, to competent help?

K.W.: I can not. I do not believe that if I do not find in myself the way and ability to overcome the horror of changing the circumstances of my existence, external and internal, someone can do it. No, I have to do this work myself, even though it hurts. For me, this is like giving birth – no one could do this for me, you can’t entrust anyone to give birth to your child. And my main therapy is work. I was going through the breakup of a marriage, the collapse of a relationship when I was playing Revolutionary Road. And how similar the situation of my Mildred Pierce was to what I experienced when acting in it – such coincidences are simply fantastic!